Ted Nugent running for President is a good argument to indefinitely extend the government shutdown
10.15.2013
02:52 pm

Topics:
Politics
Stupid or Evil?

Tags:
Ted Nugent


 
In an interview with the Washington Post published in July, Ted Nugent said he was thinking about running for President and he was kicking around the following slogan:

“Hi, I’m Ted Nugent. I have nine children from seven women, and I’m running for president.”

Nugent recently cut off all his hair and shared his new “Presidential look” in a photo with his wife, possible future First Lady Shemane Nugent. Could he actually be running? Imagine a two-fer Ted ticket: Ted Cruz and Ted Nugent. The Cruz and The Nuge. It’ll be a laff riot. Unless, of course, they win and then it will be the end of the world as we know it.

Written by Marc Campbell | Discussion
Ted Nugent’s secret weapon for killing ‘assholes’ in Afghanistan: A ton of dried meat
07.16.2013
11:23 am

Topics:
Music
Politics

Tags:
Ted Nugent


 
Ted Nugent, psychopathic loudmouth and possible Presidential candidate, goes on a rant about killing all kinds of shit at a concert in Indiana. 

Listen while he boasts about sending a ton of venison jerky to the US military in Afghanistan to fuel the killing of more “assholes”. Yeah, get our boys in uniform all hopped up on jerky and they’ll take out anything that moves.

Shipping deer meat to the Marines is about as close to combat as the self-proclaimed draft dodger has ever gotten in his entire life. But he’s a real tough guy when it comes to staring down something wearing antlers.  As long as the target is unarmed, count Nugent in.

I hate this motherfucker.
 

 

Written by Marc Campbell | Discussion
Wang Dang Sweet Talibang: Sign Petition to Draft Ted Nugent and send his dumb ass to Afghanistan!
02.12.2013
02:13 pm

Topics:
Idiocracy

Tags:
low IQ bufoonery
assholism
Ted Nugent


 
As everyone in America no doubt knows by now, the Motor City Madman, gun enthusiast and all-around draft-dodging dickhead “patriot” Ted Nugent will be attending tonight’s State of the Union address:
 

 
Douglas Anthony Cooper, writing at the Huffington Post, has the right idea of how to use that “We The People” petition thing:

Mr. President, draft the Nuge. Let them know what the Great American Satan looks like turned up to eleven.

Imagine you’re a shy, cave-dwelling Talibanista, and you’re confronted by a yowling Motor City staple of classic rock radio stations, shouldering a bazooka and clutching the Second Amendment and making that face that you see on the cover of Cat Scratch Fever.

(How do you say “gosh, that’s quite something” in Pashto?)

President Obama, you owe it to the United States of America to draft this hunk o’ has-been rockstar. Let the Nuge serve proudly and loudly on the front lines, before the war ends and he is forever denied this headlining gig.

Moreover, it is time to clear the Nugent name. As the Ted Nugent Draft is shouted from the mountaintops, let there also be proclaimed a bitchin’ presidential pardon, forgiving Mr. Nugent for whatever caused him regretfully to decline active duty during the Vietnam War.

You’re good to go, Ted. No cowardice in your past, and none in your future.

And when the last of the troops comes home, Colonel, we’ll leave you to Wango Tango in Tora Bora, armed to the canines, and you can personally scour the caves for left-over bad guys: solo like Rambo. You’ll have all the big-bored gun tech you could possibly dream of. There ain’t no ban in the ‘Stan—you won’t be prosthetically neutered by chickenshit small-capacity liberals. This will be the unfettered Nuge, a one-man death-dealin’, cat-scratchin’ war machine: the guy immortalized by Guitar World magazine for playing #7 in the “100 Worst Guitar Solos” of all time. Surely it’s time to add to that honor a posthumous purple heart.

To sign the “Draft Ted Nugent” petition, please click on:

Conscript Ted Nugent to Serve on the Front Lines in Afghanistan

H/T Wonkette

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Who said it: Ted Nugent or Charles Manson?
02.12.2013
10:51 am

Topics:
Kooks
Politics

Tags:
Charles Manson
Ted Nugent


 
The answers are at the bottom of the image.

h/t Lawrence LaFerla via Ayn Rand collected Social Security

Written by Tara McGinley | Discussion
Republican ‘hero’ Ted Nugent shit in his own pants to avoid the draft!


 
Republican loud-mouth, attention-seeking buffoon and draft dodging he-man man’s man, rocker Ted Nugent, the manly-man-man-man who gave his very own personal seal o’ approval to Mitt Romney and now, apparently, wants to give that very same kiss of death to the NRA.

Oh yes, if you haven’t heard, “the Motor City madman” will be the guest of Texas Congressman Steve Stockman at Obama’s State of the Union speech tomorrow night. Nugent plans to make an ass of himself highly visible on television both before and after the President’s speech (“During” would be interesting). Gun control advocates predict that Nugent’s appearance—let’s face it, whether you are a gun fan or not, Ted Nugent is a complete fucking twat—will backfire, making the NRA’s arguments harder to swallow.

In honor of this, here’s an oldie, but a goodie, an excerpt from a 1977 interview Nugent gave to High Times magazine:

High Times:How did you get out of the draft?

Ted Nugent: Ted was a young boy, appearing to be a hippie but quite opposite in fact, working hard and playing hard, playing rock and roll like a deviant. People would question my sanity, I played so much. So I got my notice to be in the draft. Do you think I was gonna lay down my guitar and go play army? Give me a break! I was busy doin’ it to it. I had a career Jack. If I was walkin’ around, hippying down, getting’ loaded and pickin’ my ass like your common curs, I’d say “Hey yeah, go in the army. Beats the poop out of scuffin’ around in the gutters.” But I wasn’t a gutter dog. I was a hard workin’, motherfuckin’ rock and roll musician.

I got my physical notice 30 days prior to. Well, on that day I ceased cleansing my body. No more brushing my teeth, no more washing my hair, no baths, no soap, no water. Thirty days of debris build. I stopped shavin’ and I was 18, had a little scraggly beard, really looked like a hippie. I had long hair, and it started gettin’ kinky, matted up. Then two weeks before, I stopped eating any food with nutritional value. I just had chips, Pepsi, beer-stuff I never touched-buttered poop, little jars of Polish sausages, and I’d drink the syrup, I was this side of death, Then a week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. poop, piss the whole shot. My pants got crusted up.

See, I approached the whole thing like, Ted Nugent, cool hard-workin’ dude, is gonna wreak havoc on these imbeciles in the armed forces. I’m gonna play their own game, and I’m gonna destroy ‘em. Now my whole body is crusted in poop and piss. I was ill. And three or four days before, I started stayin’ awake. I was close to death, but I was in control. I was extremely antidrug as I’ve always been, but I snorted some crystal methedrine. Talk about one wounded motherfucker. A guy put up four lines, and it was for all four of us, but I didn’t know and I’m vacuuming that poop right up. I was a walking, talking hunk of human poop. I was six-foot-three of sin. So the guys took me down to the physical, and my nerves, my emotions were distraught. I was not a good person. I was wounded. But as painful and nauseous as it was – ‘cause I was really into bein’ clean and on the ball – I made gutter swine hippies look like football players. I was deviano.

So I went in, and those guys in uniform couldn’t believe the smell. They were ridiculin’ me and pushin’ me around and I was cryin’, but all the time I was laughin’ to myself. When they stuck the needle in my arm for the blood test I passed out, and when I came to they were kicking me into the wall. Then they made everybody take off their pants, and I did, and this sergeant says, “Oh my God, put those back on! You fucking swine you!” Then they had a urine test and I couldn’t piss, But my poop was just like ooze, man, so I poop in the cup and put it on the counter. I had poop on my hand and my arm. The guy almost puked. I was so proud. I knew I had these chumps beat. The last thing I remember was wakin’ up in the ear test booth and they were sweepin’ up. So I went home and cleaned up.

They took a putty knife to me. I got the street rats out of my hair, ate some good steaks, beans, potatoes, cottage cheese, milk. A couple of days and I was ready to kick ass. And in the mail I got this big juicy 4-F. They’d call dead people before they’d call my ass. But you know the funny thing about it? I’d make an incredible army man. I’d be a colonel before you knew what hit you, and I’d have the baddest bunch of motherfuckin’ killers you’d ever seen in my platoon. But I just wasn’t into it. I was too busy doin’ my own thing, you know?

Yeah, man, lay off, the Nuge was just doing his own thing!

Let’s hope Ted’s wearing a diaper tomorrow evening, huh?

Below, a preposterous idiot in an Indian headdress plays “The Star Spangled Banner” on his gee-tar for an audience of mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging Neanderthals:
 

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Ted Nugent said he’d be dead or in jail if Obama won: So, what’s it gonna be?
11.07.2012
02:31 pm

Topics:
Kooks
Music
The wrong side of history

Tags:
Ted Nugent


 
Nugent, we’re calling your bluff. In the video below, you said you’d be dead or in jail if Obama got re-elected. Well, guess what asshole?

As far as we’ve been able to tell, the rock neanderthal hasn’t demonstrated the strength of his convictions yet. He’s only mustered up the courage to tweet. He’s got until April 16, 2013 (one year after he appeared at the NRA convention where the video was shot) to make good on his promise. I’ve got a special bottle of bourbon for the occasion.
 

Written by Marc Campbell | Discussion
Ted Nugent loses his shit on ‘CBS This Morning’
05.04.2012
10:28 am

Topics:
Kooks
Television
The wrong side of history

Tags:
Ted Nugent


 
You’d think that if Ted Nugent had half a brain, he’d try to lay low for a little while. I’m sure Mitt Romney might appreciate that too, but apparently Nugent does have less than half a brain—perhaps considerably less—as he proved on CBS This Morning, this morning…

The 10 Craziest Things Ted Nugent Has Done (Buzzfeed)
 


Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Conservative conspiracy theory website backs ‘Ted Nugent for President’


 
Being on the mailing list for WorldNet Daily’s email blasts is a never ending source of amusement and material for this blog. This morning was no exception.

Predictably, the rabid WND wingnuts have rallied behind “America’s rock star” (and admitted draft dodger) Ted Nugent and have started a petition to “stand up” for the knuckle-dragging Neanderthal halfwit rocker:

Whereas, Nugent faces an investigation by the Secret Service for allegedly threatening the commander in chief even though he was only using metaphors to accentuate his irrefutable message: America is in deep trouble, and its citizens must act;

Whereas, he, nevertheless, has stood by his remarks and further condemned “power-abusing, corrupt monsters in our federal government that despise” him because he has the “audacity to speak the truth”;

Whereas, Nugent has brought attention to the gravity of this moment in American history by provocatively stating that if Obama remains in the White House he “will either be dead or in jail by this time next year”;

We, the undersigned, wholeheartedly stand behind Ted Nugent and urge all Americans to follow his example and use their own gifts, resources and unique platforms to help ensure that Barack Obama is not given the opportunity to destroy the world’s greatest nation.

Once you’ve signed the petition—I did, but under a rude name—you’ll have an opportunity to buy a “Ted Nugent for President” bumper sticker.

You have to hand it to WND, they may be fucking idiots, but they sure know how to sell crap to witless shitheads even dumber than they are. I’m not saying they’re “predatory capitalists,” just that they know their target audience.

Bless their pointed little heads…
 

 

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
If Obama is re-elected ‘I’ll be dead’ proclaims psycho-rocker Ted Nugent


NRA poster boy.
 
Appearing at a National Rifle Conference over the weekend, Romney surrogate, gunslinger and Colonel Sanders look-a-like Ted Nugent frothed at the mouth like a rabid dog proclaiming that if Barack Obama is re-elected in November, “I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year.” He also barked that Obama’s head should be chopped off (see video). Isn’t there a law against that?

Hey Ted, you vile piece of dinosaur shit, I hope to fuck that Obama is re-elected and you stay true to your words. I’ll stand in line to piss on your grave.

Update: New York Magazine reports that the Secret Service is aware of Nugent’s remarks and they’ve begun an investigation. 
 

Written by Marc Campbell | Discussion
Draft-dodging Republican hero Ted Nugent endorses Mitt Romney


 
Republican loud-mouth, attention-seeking buffoon and draft dodging he-man man’s man, rocker Ted Nugent, has given his manly men men men seal o’ fuckin’ approval to Mitt Romney. The Motor City Madman gave the son of popular Michigan governor, George Romney, his blessing via Twitter:

“after a long heart&soul conversation with MittRomney today I concluded this goodman will properly represent we the people & I endorsed him”

That a serious presidential candidate can be reduced to kissing the ring of a twat like Ted Nugent in order to garner the votes of morons says much about the decline of the Grand Old Party. Imagine the indignity of having to buddy up to the likes of Ted Nugent, Kid Rock and Sheriff Joe Arpaio! And when all is said and done, Romney’s still gonna lose.

In honor of this historic and important political endorsement, I dredged up the text of an October 1977 High Times interview with Nugent that I remembered from when I was a kid (I’d have not even turned twelve yet when this issue—which had Johnny Rotten on the cover—came out. Why did I have a copy of High Times when I was eleven??? What sort of degenerate sold it to me? It shows what kind of child I was, already visiting the local head shop when I was in the 6th grade):

High Times:How did you get out of the draft?

Ted Nugent: Ted was a young boy, appearing to be a hippie but quite opposite in fact, working hard and playing hard, playing rock and roll like a deviant. People would question my sanity, I played so much. So I got my notice to be in the draft. Do you think I was gonna lay down my guitar and go play army? Give me a break! I was busy doin’ it to it. I had a career Jack. If I was walkin’ around, hippying down, getting’ loaded and pickin’ my ass like your common curs, I’d say “Hey yeah, go in the army. Beats the poop out of scuffin’ around in the gutters.” But I wasn’t a gutter dog. I was a hard workin’, motherfuckin’ rock and roll musician.

I got my physical notice 30 days prior to. Well, on that day I ceased cleansing my body. No more brushing my teeth, no more washing my hair, no baths, no soap, no water. Thirty days of debris build. I stopped shavin’ and I was 18, had a little scraggly beard, really looked like a hippie. I had long hair, and it started gettin’ kinky, matted up. Then two weeks before, I stopped eating any food with nutritional value. I just had chips, Pepsi, beer-stuff I never touched-buttered poop, little jars of Polish sausages, and I’d drink the syrup, I was this side of death, Then a week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. poop, piss the whole shot. My pants got crusted up.

See, I approached the whole thing like, Ted Nugent, cool hard-workin’ dude, is gonna wreak havoc on these imbeciles in the armed forces. I’m gonna play their own game, and I’m gonna destroy ‘em. Now my whole body is crusted in poop and piss. I was ill. And three or four days before, I started stayin’ awake. I was close to death, but I was in control. I was extremely antidrug as I’ve always been, but I snorted some crystal methedrine. Talk about one wounded motherfucker. A guy put up four lines, and it was for all four of us, but I didn’t know and I’m vacuuming that poop right up. I was a walking, talking hunk of human poop. I was six-foot-three of sin. So the guys took me down to the physical, and my nerves, my emotions were distraught. I was not a good person. I was wounded. But as painful and nauseous as it was – ‘cause I was really into bein’ clean and on the ball – I made gutter swine hippies look like football players. I was deviano.

So I went in, and those guys in uniform couldn’t believe the smell. They were ridiculin’ me and pushin’ me around and I was cryin’, but all the time I was laughin’ to myself. When they stuck the needle in my arm for the blood test I passed out, and when I came to they were kicking me into the wall. Then they made everybody take off their pants, and I did, and this sergeant says, “Oh my God, put those back on! You fucking swine you!” Then they had a urine test and I couldn’t piss, But my poop was just like ooze, man, so I poop in the cup and put it on the counter. I had poop on my hand and my arm. The guy almost puked. I was so proud. I knew I had these chumps beat. The last thing I remember was wakin’ up in the ear test booth and they were sweepin’ up. So I went home and cleaned up.

They took a putty knife to me. I got the street rats out of my hair, ate some good steaks, beans, potatoes, cottage cheese, milk. A couple of days and I was ready to kick ass. And in the mail I got this big juicy 4-F. They’d call dead people before they’d call my ass. But you know the funny thing about it? I’d make an incredible army man. I’d be a colonel before you knew what hit you, and I’d have the baddest bunch of motherfuckin’ killers you’d ever seen in my platoon. But I just wasn’t into it. I was too busy doin’ my own thing, you know?

Yeah, man, lay off, the Nuge was just doing his own thing!

(Full disclosure: When I was eleven, I thought this was the funniest thing I’d ever heard.)

Below, a preposterous fucking idiot in an Indian headdress plays “The Star Spangled Banner” on his gee-tar for an audience of Neanderthals:
 

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Ted Nugent is a dickhead

image
 
Shithead rocker and borderline (?) psychopath Ted Nugent is in the news again for making racist statements onstage in Dubuque, IA. No surprises here. None whatsoever:

Musician Ted Nugent made racially tinged remarks throughout his show Thursday night at the Mississippi Moon Bar in the Diamond Jo.

Within a few minutes of starting, Nugent commented on the race of his audience and the city of Dubuque.

“There’s a lot of white people in this crowd—I like that! (Dubuque) is a white town.”

Nugent also pointed out at least one audience member and questioned his race.

It’s a shameful statement about the low, low intellectual level of political discourse in this country that Fox News has this egomaniacal cracker on as a guest to spout his “opinions.” I wonder if Sarah Palin will tweet about the Nuge’s First Amendment rights being trampled?

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion