The “Fuck-tailed Flycatcher” as seen on the fantastic Tumblr “Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America.”
If you’re looking for a way to kill some time today I’ve found just the thing for you—a riotously funny Tumblr called the “Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America.”
According to the “about” page on the hilarious Tumblr it is written by a person who “hates birds” and who is located somewhere in my own home base of the Pacific Northwest. It’s full of crudely drawn illustrations of our fine-feathered friends accompanied by captions that truly show the writer’s disdain for birds. The author has also taken the liberty of renaming some of the birds such as the “Fuck-tailed Flycatcher,” the “White Breasted Butt Nugget,” and the ever popular “Northern Fucker.” Here’s the caption for the unfortunate “Fuck-tailed Flycatcher”:
This flycatcher is from the tropics, but many show up annually in North America, some reaching as far as the North Eastern seaboard, even into Canada. It’s impossible to predict exactly where they will appear though because the dumbshits who show up here were trying to migrate from southern South America to Mexico. What a bunch of fuck-ups. Notes: Get a load of this dumbshit’s ridiculous tail.
I’ve included a few of my favorite posts from the faux field guide below for your amusement.
Pine Shitkin: These shits are brown and very streaky birds with subtle yellow edgings on wings and tails, like old underwear. They have a distinctive rising, “brzzzzzzt” call which has been likened to the sound of slowly tearing a sheet of paper in half. How’s that for irritating?
Color: Yellow, shit streaks
Common Goon: They stick out in the wild like dumbasses. In the summer-time you might see bunch of these big black & white fish-divers just floating around in the middle of some lake. It’s like a car full of guys in tuxedos, slowly cruising a Walmart parking-lot after hours: suspicious. Creepy red eyes.
Belted King-Pisser: I can’t help but laugh at this ridiculous fish-eating bird. Because look how big his head is compared to his little body – ha ha! Actually, he kind of reminds me of Luis Guzmán, except that I like Luis Guzmán. Mr. Guzmán is a talented and under-appreciated actor. This bird, on the other hand, hunts fish and small amphibians by flying face-first into the water from a branch.
More dumb birds of North America after the jump…