It may have been the ever-alert Patton Oswalt who got the ball rolling when he tweeted his admiration for Gary Burghoff’s hilariously bilious Twitter feed (@Gary_Burghoff), in which the actor who played Radar in M*A*S*H (movie and TV show both) has been furnishing all kinds of insider dish about the show as well as Battle of the Network Stars. Now everybody on Twitter is falling over themselves to retweet his scandalous bon mots.
Apparently Burghoff has a particular distaste for Alan Alda (Hawkeye on M*A*S*H) and Robert Conrad (Black Sheep Squadron star, but more pertinently, captain of the NBC squad on Battle of the Network Stars in 1976), as seen here:
Alan Alda wanted his own bathroom. The producers wouldn't give him one so he used to take dumps in paper bags and leave them around the set— Gary Burghoff (@Gary_Burghoff) December 17, 2013
Alan could dish out pranks but not take it Once someone spiked his drink & wanted to fight the culprit. As if he knows how to throw a punch— Gary Burghoff (@Gary_Burghoff) January 8, 2014
I was once nominated for an award & didnt go to the ceremony because Alan was presenting. It would have been about him. Its always about him— Gary Burghoff (@Gary_Burghoff) December 23, 2013
#BattleoftheNetworkStars Hall of Fame would have the basement dedicated to Robert Conrad's accomplishments. They'd call it the Whine Cellar— Gary Burghoff (@Gary_Burghoff) January 18, 2014
Note that @Gary_Burghoff has not been verified by Twitter, but the tales of (and petty resentment over) Alda and Conrad have the ring of authenticity to them. If you’re a defamation attorney in Florida (where Burghoff currently lives, according to the Twitter feed bio), there might be a client here for you.
Below we have a clip of one of the greatest moments in sports history, in which ABC (blue; Hal Linden, Gabe Kaplan, Penny Marshall, Robert Hegyes, Lynda Carter, Richard Hatch) defeats CBS (red; Telly Savalas, MacKenzie Phillips, Adrienne Barbeau, Kevin Dobson, Pat Harrington) in the climactic tug-of-war competition in the 1976 Battle of the Network Stars, preceded by Robert Conrad whining about losing a race to Gabe Kaplan or something.
Thank you Lawrence Daniel Caswell!