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Jesus was a juggalo: Todd Bentley, minister for morons

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Hey, dumb people gotta be ministered to, too, you know. Praise Jeebus!

For the life of me, I can’t even figure out what these people think they are doing or how they are benefitting from doing it in any way. What would one gain by engaging in this sort of behavior? Someone with even 3/4 of a brain would feel like an idiot acting like this publicly. If you want even more Todd Bentley madness—and who doesn’t—click here.
 

 
Previously on Dangerous Minds:
Rocker chick preacher dreams of Oral Roberts and dancing elephants, then has freak out onstage

Via Christian Nightmares

Posted by Richard Metzger
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02.22.2011
10:20 am
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A new meme is born: Post-Rapture advice for the unsaved on YouTube

 
A new meme is born!  A video letter from a concerned Christian man with “insider information” from God to those of us who’ll be “left behind” when Jesus takes up all the Christians and Republicans to live in the clouds with him. After that begins the seven-year Tribulation period and this is when we’re all supposed to dial up YouTube and with this clown’s help, get right with the Lord… and eat dirt and paper. Or something.

Whether to point and laugh or to weep at how dumb and delusional this poor fucker is? This guy’s entire, pitifully small worldview is based on the Left Behind novels and Jack Chick tracts! He appears to be well-meaning, but there’s also an air of smug superiority to his advice which I find bust-a-gut funny coming from someone so obviously… not very bright.

“You must not accept the ‘Mark of the Beast.’ That is the main thing you must not do. So basically if anybody… if the government, basically, enforces some sort of a tattoo, or stamping of some sort, on your right hand or your forehead, do not take it at all costs. I don’t care if you can’t buy or sell anything, I don’t care if you don’t have any food, you are better off to eat dirt. Eat dirt. Paper. Basically anything you can find to basically to numb the feeling of your hunger. And it will be worth every bit of it if you refuse the ‘Mark of the Beast.’ Because if you receive the ‘Mark of the Beast,’ that basically guarantees that you are gonna be spending eternity in the lake of fire.”

So far only a couple of hundred people have watched this clip, but as it picks up speed, the commenters on YouTube are going to be merciless to this doofus. I predict remixes and 4chan infamy for this fellow, not to mention drinking games based on how many times he utters the word “basically.”

Here are some from the past 24-hours:

“this is sort of like the videos that suicide bombers make. have fun on your ufo!”

“You should speed up the process.”

“wow you got msg from god..you must be very smart an powerful person,,,im goin go eat some dirt an paper now,, caio”

“Maybe it’s already happened, and you’re one of those left behind?”

 
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And in related news, The Washington Post profiled another Christian who believes that the date of the Rapture is nigh upon us. For Christ’s sake—and for the rest of us—I sure hope she’s right:

From her Subaru, a car painted as white as the fourth horse of Revelation, Allison Warden proclaims that Jesus shall return May 21.

By her reckoning, His return will fall on a springtime Saturday. And if the world weren’t ending, you might find people celebrating other notable highlights of the day: Mr. T’s birthday, Montenegro’s independence or the Red Sox-White Sox game.

But to Warden and hundreds of like-minded Christians, Judgment Day can be calculated precisely by tracing biblical genealogy or by following history forward 7,000 years from the day Noah shut the door to his ark.

So if May 22 rolls around and you’re still here, wailing and gnashing your teeth, don’t say nobody warned you.

“It’s a very jarring thing to be told you have five months on Earth,” Warden, 29, said. “That may interrupt any earthly plan.”

They say that ignorance is bliss, but I’m not so sure about that… It’s not like these two decided to be stupid.

Enraptured by the Second Coming (The Washington Post)

Via Christian Nightmares

Posted by Richard Metzger
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01.03.2011
01:55 pm
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New fresh low for Fox News: Did the Bible Predict the Global Economic Meltdown?

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“For Christians who really kind of read the Scriptures, and believe in them and believe in these prophecies, this is really wonderful stuff. But for people outside the Christian church, what you’re talking is really crazy stuff.”

NO SHIT!

It would be really, really difficult to come up with the definitive dumbest Fox News segment ever—anything with Steve Doocey would have to be a frontrunner, no matter what the topic might be—but I would nominate the above clip to be, at the very least, amongst the lowest depths of anti-intellectual foolishness that Fox has ever sunk.

Want proof positive that Rupert Murdoch is laughing in your face as he banks billions? Then watch in horror as Christian pinhead Dr. David Jeremiah—who obviously did his research looking through Chick Tracts and Left Behind novels—discusses how the current state of the economy indicates we’re in the “Endtimes” as foretold in the (batshit crazy, epically nonsensical) “Book of Revelations.” and that Obama, natch, is the Antichrist. Line up the rubes, Rupe!

Now consider the notion, just for a moment, it’s too painful, of Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, Mike Pence or ___________,  (fill in the blank for the next Republican theocrat shit-for-brains who’ll throw their hat into the 2012 Presidential race) with their finger on the nuclear button. Laugh all you want, these clowns are going to kill us all. But that’s okay because Jesus will come back and take all the believers and Fox News viewers and teabaggers to Heaven to be with the invisible father figure in in the sky.

A sampling of the YouTube comments:

“That man is insane. The last 15 seconds are chilling, this asshole wants the world to end and sees it as the “ultimate solution”. If this clown is right and his Jesus comes back, billions will suffer and die and he calls it a message of “hope and joy.”

“You people who constantly bash people like David Jeremiah will be on the other side of the Rapture wishing you’d listened to him. Your fate in is your own hands.”

“The solution to Armageddon: Tell them to believe in a magic and big men in the sky instead of taking real action and trying to avoid it. Christians are so hell-bent on seeing the world end.”

Take one loony, give him a suit and tie, give him a hair cut, airbrush his face and VOILA a respectable looking loony.  How could we have been fooled by this?”

“Wait. His example for the evils of ‘consolidation’ is the use of the word ‘czar’ to describe administration positions? A word, a nickname, that has been used for years by both Republican and Democratic presidents? THAT’S your consolidation that’s a harbinger of Armageddon? Not corporate consolidation. Not the increasing merging of corporate and political interests, like, I dunno, say… FOX NEWS? Well for fuck’s sake. Looking for the hand of Satan in the world, it’s this guy.”

This is fucked up. Watching this clip, I felt violence welling up inside me.
 

 
Via Charles Johnson at Little Green Footballs

Posted by Richard Metzger
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10.03.2010
11:14 am
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Michigan homophobe Andrew Shirvell, the prequel: Been there, done that—back in 2005!

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Andrew Shirvell, the asshat Assistant Attorney General in Michigan who made headlines this week for his cyber-bullying of Chris Armstrong, a gay student body president at the University of Michigan, actually has a history of being outspoken about his anti-homosexual views. This man needs to be medicated.

Read all about it in this July 18, 2005 article titled “Gay pride sticker sparks controversy at pizzeria” from The Michigan Daily:

Members of a local student-oriented Catholic parish received an e-mail last week urging them to boycott the New York Pizza Depot on East William Street because of a gay pride rainbow sicker on its front door.

The sticker has upset some people, including Andrew Shirvell, an NYPD customer and member of St. Mary’s Student Parish, located down the street from NYPD.

Shirvell, a University alumnus and former president of Students for Life, said the sticker is offensive because it endorses homosexuality instead of simply tolerating it.

“I find the rainbow flag offensive because it is a symbol of the homosexual movement that, in my opinion, indicates a validation of the homosexual lifestyle, as opposed to a sign that indicates ‘openness’ to customers who are of the homosexual orientation,” he said.

Jaya Kalra, a co-chair for Stonewall Democrats, said that it was very surprising that a parishioner reacted so strongly to the sticker, especially because she knows that St. Mary’s has been supportive in the past.

Actually, it’s not all that surprising coming from Mr. Shirvell is it? Have you seen him? You hardly have to be Nostradomus to see where this one is headed… Cue the inevitable Funny or Die parody clip with Paul Reubens playing Shirvell!

Shirvell said he does not speak on behalf of the St. Mary’s church or parish, but that he does think it is necessary for them to know that this has occurred.

“I was solely acting in my capacity as a parishioner of St. Mary’s in communicating to my fellow parishioners what was going on, again, since many St. Mary’s parishioners frequent NYPD after weekend masses,” Shirvell said. “In my e-mail, I in no way indicated that I spoke on behalf of the parish or any of its ministries, including the Student Social Justice group.”

Timothy Wright, operations director and pastoral associate for St. Mary’s Student Parish, said St. Mary’s does not discriminate against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered Catholics.

Wright said that Shirvell does not have any official status as a spokesman for the church and that Shirvell’s view on this matter is in opposition to the majority of the parish.

Wright added that of the people he had spoken to about Shirvell’s statements, he could not find many who agreed with him.

“Most of the people — at least of the people I’m at work with — more were outraged and indignant about (Shirvell’s) posture than (the sticker itself),” he said.

After watching Shirvell’s boss, Mike Cox, defend this creep on Anderson Cooper’s show last night, the thought that occurred to me is how Shirvell is undoubtedly harming his chances for gainful future employment. Clearly the guy would be a total liability for any professional law firm to take on. This excercise in hatred, intolerence and utterly pathetic childishness will follow this idiot for HIS ENTIRE CAREER. Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm wants him fired. Everytime someone will google this fool for the rest of his life, what is going to come up about him? Who would hire him after a single Google search? And he seems OBLIVIOUS to how stupid he looks. What a trainwreck this dude is.

Then again, maybe there is a niche market in Michigan for criminal defense lawyers for homophobes and cyber-bullies? He’s their advocate!

And in a related story, there were four suicides of gay teens this week...

Posted by Richard Metzger
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09.30.2010
05:14 pm
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