A very witty woman once said, “There is no hive vagina,” meaning that my own femaleness does not make me qualified to tell you how to flatter your particular sweetheart . Romance is many things to many people, but for a certain kind of girl—perhaps one that abhors clichés?—a genuine New York City cockroach might just be the perfect Valentine’s Day gift, and the Bronx Zoo has you covered!

What has six legs, a surprisingly high tolerance for radiation, and is bound to crawl into your loved one’s heart?

Back by popular demand, this Valentine’s Day we’re again offering you the opportunity to name one of the Bronx Zoo’s Madagascar hissing cockroaches for your special someone. Don’t miss out. Though this holiday tradition began in 2011, tens of thousands of these hissing cockroaches remain nameless.

With a $10 donation, your Valentine will get a unique certificate of honor featuring the name of your roach.

You’ll also be helping us conserve species big and small, beautiful and damned. With your support, we’ll continue to work for wildlife in the forests of Madagascar and throughout the world’s most majestic wild places.

Sure, you could just make a donation in your darling’s name. Wildlife conservation is certainly honorable on its own merits, but I’m of the opinion that the roach dedication is what makes it romantic. Of course, being Madagascar hissing cockroaches, these lovely insects are imported—and since most New Yorkers are transplants, that only makes them all the more authentically NYC. And the hissing! Have you ever heard such a euphonious bug? These are truly the songbirds of the roach realm!
 

 
Thanks Chelsea G. Summers