The trickiest penis Cynthia Plaster Caster ever had to mould: “This happens sometimes with long, curved dicks”
From 1968, Cynthia Plaster Caster built one of the most curious yet compelling collections in the history of art. It’ll never be shown.in mainstream galleries but will forever attract attention. After all, it’s human instinct to wonder what our rock heroes are packing.
The dearly departed Cynthia followed her artistic drive down a very specific path, taking plaster casts of the erect penises of rock stars. Putting aside the slightly juvenile appeal of it, her work is genuinely fascinating. While Caster, born Cynthia Albritton, may have been up front about how the whole thing was originally a shtick to get laid at first, it grew into something much bigger over time.
After all, these rock stars are all pillars of masculinity. Jello Biafra, Eric Burdon, Wayne Kramer, and most infamously Jimi Hendrix all modelled for her, yet their ‘works’, shall we say, are all very different from each other. Cynthia’s creations are reflections on how masculinity, as we know it, is more varied than we give it credit for, especially when presented in its most intimate and vulnerable fashion.
However, the reason for her works being so varied might not just be because people’s junks aren’t uniformly shaped. The other explanation is something a little more practical, as modelling for Cynthia Plaster Caster wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. It took real effort in what was likely a very awkward, intimate moment to stay erect for as long as it took for the cast to set, and many attempts literally and metaphorically fell apart.
Case in point, Eric Burdon may have modelled for her, but the cast didn’t survive the attempt…
That being said, it wasn’t an either/or scenario. Cynthia was nothing if not a master craftswoman, especially as time went on, so the casts were neither smooth sailing nor a total failure. But were there any junks that nearly ended in a soggy mess before being saved at the last second? Trust the hero that is Nardwuar to ask a question like that directly, and the legend that was Cynthia Plaster Caster to answer honestly. One wonders whether she got permission from the subjects to discuss their time together openly, but since they were getting their hard-ons cast in plaster, I can’t imagine they’d be too shy and retiring about it.
The tartan-clad menace spotted his friend Ronnie Barnett of punk rock legends The Muffs on Cynthia’s list of clients and immediately asked about him. Cynthia responds almost gleefully by saying, “Well, Ronnie has a fabulous long dick. He is a wonderful bass player and human being. However, this happens sometimes with long, curved dicks. As the mould was setting… he started to soften as the mould was going hard. Instead of shooting back down in a straight fashion, he twisted and turned a few times.”
In true Cynthia Plaster Caster fashion, she seems delighted by this fact. She continues, saying that the finished result looks “like a doorknob. I think it’s cute. I love it when these come out that way, but the subject isn’t too thrilled.” She also lets on a little about the exact nature of their encounter as well, saying that Barnett only had a little “pre-stimulation” to go on as the artiste was, in her words, “doubling roles that night”. So Barnett’s cast was a little touch and go (I’ll stop now), but it eventually worked out in the end, and now, the cast itself has pride of place in Cynthia’s garden, nestled among her petunias.
And no, that’s not a euphemism.