Sleep Talkin’ Man is one of the hottest “viral” sensations on the Internet and Twitter these days. It’s as funny as Shit My Dad Says but in a different vein. What STM is all about is simple, it’s the day to day transcriptions of what one woman’s “mild-mannered English husband” spouts while he’s sleeping at night, utterly hilarious “surrealisms” to savor:
 

Jan 12 2010

“I’m making pillows. Burn them slowly, keeps them fluffy! Mmmmmm, pillows.”

“Potato bags. I can’t find my potato bags. I need them! [desperately] Who’s got my potato bags? Oh, fuck it! I’ll have to use something else.”

“Dogs’ scrotums. They stretch.”

“Pork chops are most satisfying. Mmmmmmm. Dangle them from the ceiling.”

Wife’s note: After we listened to the recording, Adam turned to me and said, “I’ve never had pork chops.”

South African crime lord “Fat Murphy” is not only feared on the streets of Cape Town, he’s also a congenital hermaphrodite. Police were pleasantly surprised recently when, during a chase, Murphy’s plastic dong fell out of his pants.

SOUTH African police caught more than they expected in a Cape Town drug raid when a strap-on dildo fell off a suspected crime lord during a search, the Sunday Times reported.

Fat Murphy, feared on the streets of Cape Town’s notorious Cape Flats suburb, told a court that he is a hermaphrodite who holds male and female identity documents - one under the name Fadwaan, the other under Hilary.

Police and a tearful Murphy recounted the saga during a bail hearing for Murphy’s charges of possession of stolen property, which come on top of earlier charges of kidnapping and intimidation, the paper said.

“I had a vagina that could not be penetrated. But I also had male organs, testes. But I always knew I was really a man and that was what I wanted to be,” he told the court, according to the newspaper.

“God created me with both sexual organs. It was God’s decision, not mine.”

Included below is King Missle’s early 90s hit “Detachable Penis.”

(News.com.au: “Crime Lord’s” Fake Penis Falls Off During Raid)

 
I wonder if the left shoe has Biggie on it?
 
For a larger view click here.

 
Square America has a delightful series of stereo animated gifs titled “The Bar Mitzvah and Other Tales of Living in Stereo.” Totally worth a look.

 
“I do not have a single constructive proposal.”

This is hilarious. It’s poetry, too. This man is a genius. Give him his own TV show!

Here’s what it says about him on WIkipedia:

Koichi Toyama (?

Creepy cave-dwelling sword guy teaches the wee ones to become teenage ninja masters. Just think, if you had been this well ninja-trained that young, how awesome would your life be today?

(Via Everything is Terrible)

Bomb your opponent and your brain back to the stone age at the same time! It’s… beer battleship!

Just before Christmas we had a “hedgehog in the fog” themed party (just because we had a smoke machine). Some of fellow sharenators were here too - Ensx, Darius and BongoMan. Since BongoMan is studying architecture, he had some sheets of paperboard. So we figured we can use it to make a battleship table.

How to always win at battleship
1. Make a big battleship table. Use beer bottles/cans/etc as your ships. (Bonus: if you have a smoke machine, use it to create a feeling of a real battle!)
2. The rules of the game are simple - if you hit your opponent’s ship (beer), he has to drink it.
3. ???
4. No matter if you win or lose, you always win.

(Sharenator: Beer Battleship)

For very small wars.

Via Copyranter, Via English Russia.

 
(via HYST)

 
My favorite Gumby episode. It’s so good I can scarcely believe it exists. Bon Voyage, Art !