Maybe I’m jaded, maybe I’m unprincipled, or maybe I’ve just completely internalized the wanton commodification of art, but I can’t find it in me to be outraged whenever I hear a favorite song in a commercial. These days, for bands old and new, it’s a way to be heard and maybe make a little money. Any shock has just worn off for me. Jonathan Richman’s music advertised rum, Das Racist did Kmart, Hunx and His Punx hocked bifocals for Lenscrafters, and The Buzzcocks were featured in commercials for both Subaru and the AARP. Clearly, “respectable” artists gotta make that paper, too.

But esteemed music in major ad campaigns hasn’t always been old hat. In 1987, Nike purchased the rights to The Beatles’ “Revolution,” (from the always tasteful Michael Jackson, no less), for a then-unprecedented half a million dollars. The remaining Beatles were so opposed to the use of the song they attempted to sue, but before the artists themselves took action, the backlash among fans was already intense. The letter below is an absolutely blistering condemnation of Nike’s use of the song, so much so that it’s rumored to hang framed at Nike’s corporate office. The guy is really mad.

March 30, 1987

Nike, Inc.
Advertising/Marketing Dept.
3900 SW Murray
Beverton, OR 97005

Dear Sir or Madam:

This letter of complaint is in response to a very nauseating advertisement of yours which I saw on television yesterday. From your complete lack of taste you have created a commercial for your “Michael Jordan” shoes which exploits, defiles and utterly insults Beatles’ fans, and all others of musical distinction. Your debasement of the Beatles’ song, “Revolution”, in the commercial ad is apparently indicative of your lack of integrity as a business. Your tactic, obviously, is to use the Beatles’ universal popularity to sell your product. Have you sunk that low? “Is nothing sacred anymore?”, as the cliche’ goes? Your only motive is to make more money for your greedy selves, and in the process you seemingly could not care less that you have trampled and befouled the precious memories of millions and millions of people throughout the entire world. Your kind makes me puke; you low, vacuous, malodorous perverts. Your dearth of sensitivity is equaled only by your plethora of obnoxiousness. To your credit, you have waited nearly seven years since the death of John Ono Lennon; but it was obviously not done out of respect (Huh? What’s that?) for the deceased.

Throughout my high school years as a basketball player, on to my college years, and up to present day, I have bought your athletic shoes. However, as of this very day, I can assure you that I, and many of my friends, will never, EVER, contribute in any way whatsoever to your sickeningly corporate-selling tactics. You know, with people like you in the world, euthanasia has untapped possibilities.

Thank you, and I hope you choke.

Very untruly yours,

[Signed]

 
I have to say, on some level, I admire this guy. Sure it’s self-righteous, but it also shows a resilience in the face of cultural capitalism. He’s uncynical, still truly believing in the sacredness of music. It’s a utopian idea—art protected from commodification—and I sort of like the idea that there might still some folks out there this mad about commercialization (perhaps, though, the use of The Kinks’ “Picture Book” in that Hewlett-Packard commercial sent him over the edge of sanity).

Me, though, I’m too broke to be principled. I’m well aware that I have my price. Hank, can I get an “amen?”
 

 
Via Letters of Note

 
If you ever wondered what Iggy Pop’s face would look like sucking on a sour lemon, here’s your chance with these Schweppes Lemon Dry advertisments.

They’re the Schweppiest, aren’t they?

 

 
Previously on Dangerous Minds:
Klaus Nomi advertising Jägermeister
 
Via Copyranter

 
I approve of this:

NASCAR fans attending the 2013 Brickyard 400 races are being greeted by this ad on a jumbotron at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. The spoof beer ad produced by the Marijuana Policy Project highlights the relative safety of marijuana compared to alcohol by characterizing marijuana as a “new ‘beer’” with “no calories,” “no hangovers,” and “no violence” associated with its use.

No doubt many more people will see this spot on the Internet than at a NASCAR race.
 

 
A quirky series of short films, made for GQ magazine, in which “Bad Guy” actors, such as Malcolm McDowell, Benicio Del Toro, and Ron Perlman, ham-up various household chores.

Director Nadav Kander explained the evolution of the idea to 1.4

GQ USA asked me to photograph the villains of the acting world and they also wanted some moving imagery for their web site. I thought of these ideas in collaboration first with Zoe Tomlinson who I work closely with and then we discussed the scenarios with the magazine.

At first I thought that it would be best to slowly draw away from each actor while they acted out their nasty deeds to reveal that they were simply doing every day activities but then I thought it more questioning and elegant to simply turn the actor around and fade. Introducing the Hangman game idea for the end-type was to encourage the viewer to guess the action.

There’s fun to be had, true, but mainly in getting the answers wrong.
 

Malcolm McDowell rues his lack of a dish-washer.
 

Benicio Del Toro getting his chopper out in the kitchen.
 
Ron Perlman, Mark Strong, and more get their hands dirty, after the jump…

 
I barely remember being conscious of long distance providers. It was before I had to worry about bills and I’ve never had a land line—at this point, I think even my grandparents have seen the light of texting. I do vaguely remember the rabid flurry of phone company commercials, desperately trying to one-up each other and corner the market. As a Trekkie-by-birth however (thanks mom!), I would have totally remembered the weirdness of this 1990 MCI commercial, had I ever witnessed it.

Don’t get me wrong, I cast no stones at product endorsement, not even by my beloved science fiction heroes. I mean, Shatner’s a great spokesmen for Priceline—he has the smarm and the charm to make it work. George Takei appeared in commercials for television, and George Takei can pretty much do whatever he damn well pleases because he is a gift to all mankind. But it is weird to see the entire crew of The Enterprise promoting something as mundane and anachronistic as a long distance service.

Speaking of mundane, I like how they portrayed the MCI offices as a dynamic, mission control kind of atmosphere, instead of the fields of cubicles we know to be the call center.
 

 
STOP! I know your first impulse is just to click on lingscars.com—it’s the website version of a bottle of Dr. Bronner’s castile soap! Beware the siren song of Ling Valentine!

First of all, if you’re epileptic or prone to seizures, don’t even go near this Ling thing—it’s basically a rave.

Second, a friend of mine used to say that only octogenarians (and sociopaths) had auto-play music on their websites. I would mostly agree, but when you hear the dulcet sounds of Karaoke standards and what I assume to be Chinese pop tunes upon visiting Ling’s site, it’s clear that an exception must be made for an exceptional woman.

Third, this website is so damn beautiful—and hypnotic in its awful greatness—that you will have to lease a car from Ling after viewing it.

Behold, screengrabs of the busiest website in all the land!
 

 

 

 
Everything from games, to quizzes, to live cams of the office, to political statements, to animation, to the wise words of Ling herself grace this monument of human ambition, in all the colors of the rainbow! You can buy a portrait of Ling or even chat with her online, if she;s in the office! And she isn’t all flash. She’s a savvy businesswoman who knows what works! Take her assessment of cookies, which I found buried in the website.

EU cookie law. Piss off Von Rumpy. Me… I hammer visitors to death with cookies, so I can find out what they want. EU Cookie Law Cookies allow my website to serve visitors the content they need. Get used to it. The EU cookie law is an ass.

I don’t even know what EU cookie laws are, but right now I totally oppose them, in solidarity with Ling.

Below, a video of Ling, giving a lecture on digital marketing while wearing a Chinese military helmet. Before she is introduced (and played on to the Chinese National Anthem, for which she asked the audience to stand), the speaker acknowledges that although she does everything wrong according to marketing doctrine, it just kind of works. I’m not sure if this is some elaborate performance piece, trolling us all, or if she’s just mastered the art of the spectacle.

Only one thing is clear: Ling Valentine is a damn genius.
 

 
Russian advertising isn’t subtle. (Or, so we’re supposed to think…)

Watching this alleged commercial for tampons, made me recall how under Communism, the nation’s industrial output was not measured by individual items produced, but by weight. The larger the tonneage, the mightier and more successful the Soviet State. Unfortunately, this led to the production of heavier and heavier items, until items became impractical. For example, chandeliers were manufactured by Commie factories that were so heavy that they could no longer be mounted onto ceilings without bringing them down.

This is the kind of thought processes at work here.

Update: Well, whaddya know? this is NOT a ‘Russian tampon ad’—no matter how it’s been labeled by the uploaders on YouTube, Live Leak and alike. No. This is a clip from the film Movie 43, which has been described, in some quarters, as the worst film ever made, though there a handful of others disagree.

Well, now, you have to admire this as a piece of good Capitalist PR for a flop movie. Still doesn’t make me want to see it though.
 

 
H/T Live Leak

 
The headline says it all.

This image was tweeted on China’s micro-blogging site Sina Weibo, purportedly showing a pair of hairy-leg tights for girls to wear in summer to stop “perverts.”

@Happy张江: Super sexy, summertime anti-pervert full-leg-of-hair stockings, essential for all young girls going out.

Happy张江: 超性感，夏日防狼全毛腿丝袜，女童鞋出门必备[xkl喜]THK博友投稿

I dunno—I think it won’t be too long until these “hairy-legged” pantyhose become a fetish all of their own. (Though a part of me suspects it’s all been Photo-shopped.)
 
Via China Smack, with thanks to Laughton Sebastian Melmoth
 

 
This vintage Neiman Marcus ad from their 1972 Christmas catalog is, in a word, disturbing. While it’s a obliviously not meant to be taken seriously (trolling their own customers has long been a custom at Neiman’s), it’s still a rather creepy image.

“Full-dimensional, life-size, reasonable facsimiles of you, or your favourite other person.”

Click here to read larger image.

Via Retronaut

 
Occupy Comics is the first issue of a new project bringing together comic pros, storytellers and artists to create a time-capsule of the Occupy protests. Each issue of the anthology will tell individual stories and explore broader themes inspired by the months of protests that began in fall of 2011.

Halo-8’s Matt Pizzolo told Wired back in 2011:

“Adbusters created a really powerful image of a ballerina atop the Wall Street bull with protesters in the background, and that was enough to set this off,” he said. “Then Anonymous brought in the Guy Fawkes masks, and U.S. Day of Rage created more art challenging the relationship between Wall Street and Washington. So this is an art-inspired movement, and that’s part of what makes it so viral. It’s not intellectual, it doesn’t need a manifesto. People are banding together around an idea, rather than an ideology.”

Occupy Comics participants include Alan Moore, Charlie Adlard (The Walking Dead), Susie Cagle (cartoonist arrested at Occupy Oakland), Ben Templesmith (30 Days of Night), Dan Goldman (Shooting War), Molly Crabapple, Amanda Palmer, Darick Robertson (Transmetropolitan), Laurie Penny, Zoetica Ebb, Patrick Meany and Douglas Rushkoff.

Check out this PDF preview of Occupy Comics. You can purchase the 48 page first issue via Midtown Comics. There will be a hardback graphic novel published this Fall.

Occupy Comics was funded via the social-networking site Kickstarter and the profits were, and still are, being donated to Occupy-related groups.