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Bread Face: All this Instagram feed shows is just a woman smushing her face into bread
12.07.2015
10:25 am
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The mission statement of the person or persons behind Bread Face is “giving the people something they didn’t ask for.” So they started an Instagram in which a woman smushes her face into various types of bread. Mission accomplished!

That’s right, there are 15 posts, and every one is a little video of this one woman smushing her face into cornbread, King’s Hawaiian Sweet Rolls, naan bread, and so on. While she does it, a recent R&B hit plays in the background.

Kaiser roll:
 

A video posted by Bread Face (@breadfaceblog) on

 
Wonder Bread:
 

A video posted by Bread Face (@breadfaceblog) on

 
Challah bread:
 

A video posted by Bread Face (@breadfaceblog) on

 
via Death & Taxes
 

Posted by Martin Schneider
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12.07.2015
10:25 am
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Make ‘Dune’ Spice-Filled Sandworm Bread for the holidays!
12.04.2015
08:48 am
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This is one of the best holiday bread/cake recipes I’ve ever seen! A spiced-filled Dune sandworm!

Now, I haven’t made this sucker yet—so I don’t know what it tastes like—but I fully intend to test my culinary skills this weekend and try this worm out.

I don’t know how many people would watch David Lynch’s take on Dune and see something yummy when the grotesque sandworms are onscreen, but Chris-Rachael Oseland over at The Kitchen Overlord came up with this brilliant-looking recipe. “The final result is even more delicious than it looks. Now, you too can make a proud, impressive, spice-scented Great Maker of Arrakis,” she writes. I believe her.

FYI, there are pretty detailed steps to follow at The Kitchen Overlord for your edible Dune sandworm. Here are the ingredients to get your tasting buds salivating:


 
Spice-Filled Sandworm Bread

SANDWORM DOUGH:

1 1/2 cups warm water
2 tbsp yeast
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 tbsp cinnamon
3 eggs
¼ cup slightly cooled melted butter
2 tsp salt
6 ½ – 7 cups bread flour

SPICE FILLING:

2 tbsp garam masala (or pumpkin pie spice, or Chinese five spice powder, by preference)
2 tsp cinnamon
3/4 cup brown sugar (or 1/2 cup brown sugar and 1/4 cup white sugar if you want it less sticky)
1/4 cup melted butter
sliced blanched almonds
1/2 cup raisins (optional)

GLAZE:

3/4 cup powdered sugar
¼ cup water
1 tsp cinnamon or garam masala
1 tsp vanilla extract

Now that I’ve hopefully piqued your interests with the ingredients, please follow the step-by-step cooking instructions that you’ll find here.

h/t Colihouse on Facebook

Posted by Tara McGinley
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12.04.2015
08:48 am
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The two most pointless people in California demand strip clubs and the McDonald’s McRib sandwich
11.25.2015
09:41 am
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Of the 14,000+ McDonald’s franchises in the United States only 8,000 of them carry The McRib sandwich. Your chances of finding a McRib are about 55%. And that’s freaking some people out. So much so that there’s a McRib Locator on the Internet that “was created to help McRib fans locate this tasty yet elusive sandwich.”  Apparently, a shitload of folks are hankering for a slab of pig guts tossed with yoga mats, 70 additives, chemicals, fillers, and GMO ingredients all held together by glue and slathered in barbecue sauce that tastes like liquid diabetes.

When it comes to the McRib, sometimes you just gotta make a stand. Strip clubs too. Donald Trump has been strangely silent on these subjects. Not so the fine folk of Santa Clarita, California.

Santa Clarita is the third largest city in Los Angeles County so you’d figure that the city council would be up to their elbows in all kinds of important civic issues. But who is to judge what is important and what is not? This is a democracy gawdammit! So at most city council meetings there’s a period for public comment on any topic… as you will see.
 

 
In the following video two Santa Claritians (?) address the council on two pressing matters very near and dear to their hearts: strip clubs and the McRib sandwich. The first one up is a guy who looks like the love child of an overstuffed scarecrow and The Cure’s Robert Smith - a lap dancer’s equivalent of a hard day at the office. But he’s merely the opening act for the pink-haired goofball up next. You can feel the young woman’s pain as she laments that the nearest MaCrib was “seen” 350 miles north of Santa Clarita in the Bay Area. She looks like she’s about to cry over the anguish that it’s caused her poor family, not to mention the Santa Clarita “foodie community” who she claims to represent. Can’t the Mayor call up McDonald’s and DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS???

Update: Okay here’s the scoop. I hate to be the guy to blow the cover off a great prank, but according to our super secret source, the “foodie” with the Manic Panik dye-job is fledgling comedian Xanthe Pajarillo . She’s pulled off an ingenious stunt. Had us fooled. She’s definitely got a future in comedy and that future is now.  So who’s the dude? Robert Benjamin. Another comic. Brilliant guys, brilliant.
 

 
The Service Industry’s homage to the McRib “Liquid Meat (Into A Form).”

 

 

Posted by Marc Campbell
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11.25.2015
09:41 am
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For your HP Lovecraft-themed Thanksgiving: The Cthurkey, octopus-stuffed turkey with crab legs
11.16.2015
09:19 am
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Like William Burroughs’ “Thanksgiving Prayer,” this “Cthurkey” rears its head every holiday season. It’s almost criminal that we’ve never blogged about it here on Dangerous Minds, so I thought I’d correct that egregious oversight. 

Now some of you may have probably already seen the Lovecraftian Cthurkey before. If not, it’s sort of a pisstake of the Turducken and the Pumpple. If you don’t know what these are I’ve supplied links for each dish. But in short, it’s food within food. Kinda like “foodception.”

The Cthurkey consists of a turkey stuffed with octopus, crab and sing—what else—bacon as its topping. I can’t think of anything more fitting for an H. P. Lovecraft-themed Thanksgiving.


 
h/t Kevin K!

Posted by Tara McGinley
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11.16.2015
09:19 am
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Even at $64 a pop, the Basquiat Burger is still about 100,000X cheaper than a Basquiat painting
10.28.2015
08:21 am
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Our Philadelphian readers may know PYT, home of insanely gimmicky culinary constructions like the Deep-Fried Twinkie Burger, Chicken Bacon Eggo Sliders, and the Cocoa Krispies Chicken Burger. That restaurant has expanded to New York, specifically to 334 Bowery, former home of one location of Forcella Pizzeria, and more recently, the extremely short-lived Espoleta. Though rents in the city’s one-time Skid Row are no longer Skid Row cheap, PYT surely has no desire to be yet another bygone in that location, and they may have hit upon their rent-making gimmick: The Basquiat Prime Beef Burger, named for the great painter Jean-Michel Basquiat and priced at $64. Each. Look, I’m a total sucker for gimmicky sandwich places; whether it’s Kuma’s in Chicago, Melt in Cleveland, whatever, I’m all in for ridiculous shit like that. But I doubt I need to belabor the point that $64 for a burger seems beyond excessive even for Manhattan.

A 1982 Basquiat work, Untitled (The Black Athlete), just sold for 6.3 million, meaning that the Basiquiat burger is just a buck off from being 100,000 times less expensive than an actual Basquiat painting. And arguably, the figure in the painting could be interpreted as triumphantly brandishing a burger. Arguably. Very, very arguably.
 

 
But what do you get for your money? Per the restaurant’s tumblr, it’s made with “100% fresh 25% fat Wagyu Ribeye sourced from the NYC’s greatest Wagyu source, the ninjas at Japan Premium Beef.” OK, then, in that case I suppose we’ll generously take it on faith that that tastes $50 better than a regular upscale burger. The sandwich came to be named for the painter, not because it looks like his work, after the manner of the offerings at SFMOMA’s rooftop coffee bar—though I’d actually respect the hell out of that, and I find it curious that photos of the actual burger seem like they’re nowhere to be found online. (How is it possible that nobody’s Instagramed their $64 burger?) The sandwich is so named because the painter died of a heroin overdose literally around the corner on Great Jones Street. If any DM readers in Lower Manhattan are feeling lavish enough to take this one for the team and try one, we’d love to know if it’s worth the money, or at least if it’s a fit tribute to the artist. We’re guessing no way in hell on both counts, but we’re willing to listen.

Continues after the jump…

READ ON
Posted by Ron Kretsch
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10.28.2015
08:21 am
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Burger King’s black ‘goth burger’ that makes you shit green is now a Halloween costume
10.12.2015
02:57 pm
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Ever wanted to be a sexy green turd for Halloween? Never fear for Halloween Costumes has you covered. Clearly it’s poking fun at Burger King’s limited edition “Halloween Whopper” which apparently is making some folks poop green.

BUT wait, there’s more! Not only is there a sexy turd outfit, there’s also the Burger King’s black “goth burger” costume to boot! (Unless the turd was actually standing beside the goth burger, I’m not so sure I would get the joke. Solo, I’d peg the turd for “sexy asparagus” cosplay.)

I’m still holding out for the sexy Kim Davis costume.


 

 
via Mashable

Posted by Tara McGinley
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10.12.2015
02:57 pm
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Guy with cornrows eats corn while listening to Korn
09.24.2015
09:38 am
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“Guy with cornrows eats corn while listening to Korn.” Video delivers. Sometimes a thing is just what it says it is.

We’re only disappointed that he wasn’t playing a game of CornHole while he was at it:
 

Posted by Christopher Bickel
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09.24.2015
09:38 am
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Burger King’s black ‘goth burger’ coming to the USA just in time for Halloween?
09.23.2015
04:55 pm
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Last year, we brought you the news of Burger King’s limited edition Japan-only black hamburger. The unusual appearance of the so-called “Kuro Burgers” is due to their bamboo-coal-infused buns, squid-inked cheese, and pepper-encrusted meat patties.

A black hamburger. Why not? McDonald’s has its green “Shamrock Shake” every year for St. Patrick’s Day, why shouldn’t diehard goths be able to wolf down a seasonal “Kuro Burger” before they go trick or treating or to a Bauhaus reunion concert?

Now fast-food loving American goths will have a chance at eating this evil-looking fatty delicacy which will allegedly be known here as the “Halloween Whopper.”

Sadly, unlike the black burgers sold in Japan, the US version won’t have black cheese or the squid-ink sauce. Boo! Anecdotal reviews on Twitter and elsewhere have indicated that the Kuro burgers do not actually have an unusual taste, they just look good when being eaten by someone with a lot of eyeliner and teased up black hair.
 

Posted by Richard Metzger
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09.23.2015
04:55 pm
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Kenny Rogers: Before there was roasted chicken, there was LSD
08.27.2015
01:05 pm
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Although today he’s perhaps better known for being a fast food kingpin than a musician, country hit-maker Kenny Rogers was once actually a rock and roller. Hell, the undisputed successor to Col. Sanders was even a psychedelic rocker there for a brief minute…

The First Edition were formed in 1967, with Rogers (lead vocals and bass), Mickey Jones (drums) and Terry Williams (guitar ). Mike Settle (guitar) and opera singer Thelma Camacho joined later. They were basically a country-folk band, but they did release the classic psychpop single, “Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In).”
 

 
Written by the great Mickey Newbury, “Just Dropped In” featured in-demand session pro Glen Campbell playing the backward guitar intro. The trippy background voices were fed through a rotating Leslie speaker and re-recorded and the song can almost be called “proto-metal” (listen to that boss guitar riff).

Allegedly, Jimi Hendrix told Kenny Rogers that “Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)” was his favorite record. The song was later famously featured in the dream sequence from The Big Lebowski.

Get a load of the amazing promo film!
 

Posted by Richard Metzger
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08.27.2015
01:05 pm
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Are you cucumber or a carrot? Wrap your meat in fruit and veg for the optimum fitting condom!
08.27.2015
11:43 am
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In a triumph of design, Guan-Hao Pan, a student at the National Taipei University of Technology has created this adorable (and functional!) condom series using fruits and vegetables for sizing models. Love Guide Condoms gives you five options, from biggest to smallest you have cucumber, carrot, banana, turnip and zucchini. Obviously fruits and vegetables aren’t standardized, but it’s not a bad system to measure your meat. The nutritious theme of these rubbers is based off the Chinese proverb, “hunger and lust are only natural,” and yes they’re as “green” (yuk yuk) as possible, with biodegradable packaging, as opposed to the non-biodegradable foil that’s used most commonly.

The array of sizes is intended to help men choose a correctly-fitted condom, as incorrect sizing can actually result in breakage or slippage (no word on how you will prevent men from vanity sizing). Also, the condoms are placed over a tiny nub in the package, so that the user will be less likely to put it on inside out (big no-no, can also cause breakage), and so that removing them requires the pinching on the reservoir tip (something you should always do)!
 

 

 
More after the jump…

READ ON
Posted by Amber Frost
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08.27.2015
11:43 am
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