It was while studying “lovemaking” in India, that grandmother Stella Ralfini discovered the natural way to looking young.

You see, Stella met a woman who was in her late 60s, but looked much younger.

Her skin was so silky smooth and line free, I had to know her secret.

Well you do, don’t you? Even if the answer may be… er… difficult to swallow.

Her secret was that she used a face mask made from her husband’s sperm. (Apparently this beauty tip had been passed down through generations of her family and always been thought of as nothing out of the ordinary).

Okay…

Stella admits she is “a curious person” and so she decided to try a population pudding facial for herself.

Within months people were commenting on how amazingly radiant my skin looked; so I kept it up and still do—I’m now 67 and the pics you see of me on the internet are all recent so you can judge the results of semen therapy without further elaboration.

Don’t be put off by the fact we’re talking so glibly about a face mask made from sperm. Your lover’s semen is the freshest cell therapy available on our planet. We know it’s fresh because its live energy produces life itself. It’s packed with recognised proteins and minerals that are known to reduce the aging process and the best part is, this beauty secret worth its weight in gold is—FREE.

Free? Looking at Stella, her poor husband must be exhausted…

Anyway, I’m sure you’re glad to know Heather Locklear is a fan, and if this isn’t enough proof for the success of baby batter facials, the Daily Mail quotes Dr. Oscar Hevia who claims:

‘Semen contains proteolytic enzymes, which are designed to break down proteins. In theory, if applied to the skin, these enzymes could help to break down the uneven and thickened dead layer of older, sun-damaged skin. This could make the skin feel smoother.

‘However, this might only be achieved with daily application for days or weeks. It would also not be practical as a “mask,” since it is a body fluid and will not remain stable outside the body. It would lose its beneficial effect, if any, very quickly after application.’

Indeed, Norwegian company Bioforskning has synthesized man juice into a highly successful facial cream, and “spermine facials” are available from beauty salons in New York… and no doubt in certain parks, nightclubs and public urinals.

But you know, I can’t help thinking about the poor grand kids having to give their granny a kiss on the cheek…“Hm…granny, you’re so salty!”
 

 
With thanks to Michael Gallagher, via the Daily Mail