Do catcallers have teeny-weenies? Science sez ‘YES’!
It’s a fairly standard female reply to an unwanted catcall to accuse the doofus doing the catcalling of having a tiny pee-pee. Well, we women have apparently long known what science has now (more or less) confirmed via a study of… Howler monkey balls: The loudest, most obnoxious catcallers have the smallest nuts.
Yep, it’s true. Catcalling–which is seldom, if ever, welcomed, of course–is like driving around in a lemon yellow Ferrari wearing Versace, an admission of possessing a teeny-weenie. Those assholes are just over-compensating for… trivial testicles
“In evolutionary terms, all males strive to have as many offspring as they can, but when it comes to reproduction you can’t have everything,” said lead researcher Jacob Dunn of the University of Cambridge’s Division of Biological Anthropology, crushing the hopes of high school boys everywhere.
“When males invest in large bodies, bright colors, or weaponry such as horns or long canines, they are unable to also invest in reproductive traits,” Dunn added.
It’s unclear whether the results extend to gold chains and Camaros, but this is the first study to find an apparent tradeoff between “vocal investment and sperm production,” he said.
Ladies, next time you walk past a construction site, just smile to yourself, confident in the knowledge that… they just can’t help themselves.