The celebrity weight-loss instructor Richard Simmons became a pop culture icon in the 1980s, when the success of his book Never-Say-Diet and his Sweatin’ to the Oldies workout videos drew national attention to his preternaturally upbeat and bubbly personality. He’s still going strong. TV guest appearances have literally never stopped in the intervening years, and his following remains huge (sorry).

But one TV show he’ll probably never be invited to guest on is Duck Dynasty. Not because of its star’s recently-revealed homophobia. Indeed, though Simmons is widely perceived as a gay figure—possibly due to a combination of his off-the-charts cheer, his flamboyance, and his bedazzled dolphin shorts—he has actually never made his sexuality publicly known. No, the reason Richard Simmons will probably never be on Duck Dynasty is that he made this video:
 

 
You’re welcome.

Simmons’ YouTube channel is absolutely worth a peek, but his entire online presence is trove of untrammeled joys. His Facebook and Instagram feeds, in particular, are bottomless lodes of delightfully bonkers camp. But the TV parodies are just too much! Here are his takes on Homeland and The Carrie Diaries.
 

 
I totally owe Marlee Pickles a drink for this.