Black metal nun
 
I have once again been sucked back into the weird, weird world that is Portland, Oregon. And this time shit has gotten grim. Portland-based artist Tom LaBonty says that after spending so much time as a “forager” in thrift stores rummaging around for ceramic figures (like those “precious” Hummels your grandmother would slap you over if you touched hers), the idea “dawned on him” to start giving the heartwarming pieces black metal makeovers. And the rest as they say, is history. The results, especially when it comes to Tom’s treatment of religious-themed statues are so metal it hurts my neck just to write about it.

Notable inhabitants of Tom’s collection include a nightlight featuring hot-rod enthusiast Jesus outfitted with a pair of satanic wings and, a ceramic little Dutch boy hauling a bunch of body parts in his buckets instead of milk. Prices range from $10 - $70 per piece over at LaBonty’s Etsy store, Coffin Collector.

Your grandmother might not approve but WHO CARES?
 

Ghoulish Dutch boy
 

Little grim girl
 

Black metal raindrops (music box plays non-metal version of “Raindrops keep falling on my Head”)
 

Immortal Magi (named for the Norwegian band Immortal)
 

Black metal family
 

Blood on her hands
 

Raggedy Ann and Andy
 

Killer clown (plays non-black metal version of “Send in the Clowns”)