“This man has no dick.”—Bill Murray in Ghostbusters

Another day, another massive, Matterhorn-sized pile of shit for Mitt Romney to step in. In this case, it was actually some shit with a long fuse that he stomped around in awhile back that was caught on videotape. Today that tape came back to haunt him. Today was the day, as Esquire’s Charles P. Pierce so brilliantly put it, that Mitt Romney “declared a class war on himself. “

In a closed-door meeting with an inner circle of high-end, millionaire GOP donors, Romney let his hair down—as much as he ever does, of course—and testified to his fine-feathered friends that:

“There are 47% of the people who will vote for the President no matter what. All right, there are 47% who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. That that’s an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this President no matter what…These are people who pay no income tax.”

As David Corn put it at Mother Jones (where the story of the secret videotape first broke today):

Here was Romney raw and unplugged—sort of unscripted. With this crowd of fellow millionaires, he apparently felt free to utter what he really believes and would never dare say out in the open. He displayed a high degree of disgust for nearly half of his fellow citizens, lumping all Obama voters into a mass of shiftless moochers who don’t contribute much, if anything, to society, and he indicated that he viewed the election as a battle between strivers (such as himself and the donors before him) and parasitic free-riders who lack character, fortitude, and initiative. Yet Romney explained to his patrons that he could not speak such harsh words about Obama in public, lest he insult those independent voters who sided with Obama in 2008 and whom he desperately needs in this election. These were sentiments not to be shared with the voters; it was inside information, available only to the select few who had paid for the privilege of experiencing the real Romney.

“Generally you don’t see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.”—Bill Murray in Ghostbusters

He said this shit, too:

My heritage, my dad as you probably know was the governor of Michigan and was the head of a car company. But he was born in Mexico, and, uh, had he been born of, uh, Mexican parents, I’d have a better shot at winning this. [Rich donors cracking up]
But he was unfortunately born to Americans living in Mexico. He lieved there for a number of years. And, uh, uh, I say that jokingly, but it would be helpful to be, uh ... Latino.

I hope none of you had liquids in your mouth when you read that last one, but I would imagine that whopper of a line left plenty of shorted-out computer keyboards and iPads in its wake.

And best of all, he said THIS:

“We ... we, uh, use Ann sparingly right now so that people don’t get tired of her.”

I can think of at least one numskull Mormon multi-millionaire Republican Presidential candidate who’s going to be sleeping on the couch tonight. You, too?

If Romney is this comically clueless when it comes to talking about his own wife in public, how would Mittens fare with the G8 leaders and NATO? Vladimir Putin probably can’t wait to look deep into Mitt Romney’s eyes and make him piss right in his pants…

I’ve always seen Mitt Romney as “Thurston Howell III” from Gilligan’s Island, but he’s really much closer to another Jim Backus character: “Mr. Magoo”!

Happily, we’ll probably never get to find out what sort of damages Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan would inflict upon America. I am actually starting to give a lil’ credence to those wingnut conspiracy theories that Mitt Romney is a Manchurian candidate sent to infiltrate and then destroy the Republican Party. I mean, this guy sucks! He’s the worst of the worst. How can Mittens even top this latest misstep? Pull his dick out during the third debate?

“This chick is TOAST!”—Bill Murray in Ghostbusters

Here’s the wholly inadequate statement that his campaign puked up this afternoon, via TPM:

“Mitt Romney wants to help all Americans struggling in the Obama economy. As the governor has made clear all year, he is concerned about the growing number of people who are dependent on the federal government, including the record number of people who are on food stamps, nearly one in six Americans in poverty, and the 23 million Americans who are struggling to find work,” Romney spokesperson Gail Gitcho said in a statement. “Mitt Romney’s plan creates 12 million new jobs in four years, grows the economy and moves Americans off of government dependency and into jobs.”

AS IF this even begins to address this latest mess. So sweet to watch this shit happen in real time. And it’s not even like I’m “rooting” for the Democrats or Obama to win, I just want to see Mitt Romney and the Republicans lose!

UPDATE: Romney himself finally made a statement about the videotape at a press conference Monday evening, via AP

Republican Mitt Romney says a video clip in which he called nearly half of Americans “victims” was “not elegantly stated” and was “spoken off the cuff.” But he says President Barack Obama’s approach is “attractive to people who are not paying taxes.”
...

The Republican nominee did not disavow the comments but said they were made during a question-and-answer session. He said it was indicative of his campaign’s effort to “focus on the people in the middle.”

Not elegantly stated? Oh my, now aren’t we deluded?!?!

During the presser Romney called for the entire videotape to be released. Mother Jones seems happy to oblige him. MJ reporter Adam Serwer tweeted:

“Mitt wants the full video huh? Well don’t worry, there’s more to come.”

The liberal American Bridge PAC has already hit Romney, hard, over his private remarks with a viral video. Watch until the end: