“He Touched Me” sure was a popular theme back in the day. I had no idea it was this popular, though.  Whoever this “He” is—if that is, in fact, his real name—he apparently touched just about everybody. This asshole knew no boundaries either, whether it be male, female, adult, child, the elderly, couples and even… entire families, he’d touch ‘em! These album covers are heartbreaking cries for help. Why didn’t anyone pay attention?!

Here’s a visual guide to show you just how many people He has “touched.” F*ck this guy!
 

 

 

 

She seems to have enjoyed being touched by Him
 

 

She seemed to like it, too
 

Tennessee Ernie Ford hasn’t decided if he liked being touched or not. Give him some quiet time to process it.
 

Beth was forced to watch as He touched Rex
 

 

 

 

There’s something very Royston Vasey/Twin Peaks-y about The Henshaw Quartet if you ask me.
 

And finally, these creepy fellers who actually want to touch Him! Apparently they were going to call themselves, The Priests, but that name was already taken by another middle-aged paedo vocal group