In my teens, my idea of fun was to write bogus letters to various newspapers as aggrieved citizens - usually retired Colonels, widowed ladies, virginal vergers or spinsters of the parish - a typical array of supporting characters taken from Agatha Christie via Joe Orton. The letters were full of misplaced anger, malapropisms and innuendo, and I was always surprised at the number that slipped through into print. Which makes me wonder about this letter written to the Daily Mail‘s letters page. It’s a classic Daily Mail rant, which could have easily been lifted directly from the paper’s front pages or editorials.

I’m sick of it all!

I’m sick of Melvyn Bragg, Hugh Grant, Joan Bakewell, and Anne Robinson. I’m sick of Vince Cable, the entire Labour Shadow Cabinet and all politicians.

I’m sick of squatters and travellers, pop music, British food, the BBC, surveillance cameras, my rotten pension, terrorists, Anglican bishops and having no money, and I just want to die.

My country, which I loved, is ruined. It will never be happy again. It is all self, self, self, moan, moan, moan. I cannot wait to get out and rest in peace.

Harry Simpson, Northwich, Cheshire.

Alex Massie, who uncovered this catalogue of discontent, writes in his blog over at The Spectator:

Can this really be real? I am assured it is. Perhaps it is part of a contest to get the most Daily Mail letter published by the Daily Mail. Doubtless similar contests could be held at other papers.

If it is real, then poor Mr Simpson, who may be a lot happier if he saved his money and stopped reading the Daily Mail and its dreadful fear-mongering. If it’s bogus, then it is obviously a relation of Kenny Everett’s Mr. Angry of Mayfair.
 

 
With thanks to Gerry Hassan!