You may remember our post a while back on the 1994 classic, Law Enforcement Guide to Satanic Cults. Well, well you can praise Internet Satan, because we’ve stumbled across another clip!

In this segment, our bemulleted expert guides us through what must be the most Satanic park in all the land, enlightening us as to the relationship between pagans and gay people, as well as the meaning of the “pentacle,” which I have deduced is his own portmanteau of “pentagram” and “testicle.”

I remember the collective delusion that was the Satanism panic of the 1980s and 90s. Victims of the murders attributed to the West Memphis Three were exactly my age, and while that heartbreaking miscarriage of justice still confirms the dangers of reactionary superstition, I can’t help but feel a little (not so) “true crime” nostalgic watching this dumb weirdo walk us through incredibly heavy-handed “evidence” of Satanism in our very public parks (where the children play!)

This was before planes hit buildings, before wealth inequality soared to record-breaking heights, and our wars weren’t yet fought by (horrifyingly indiscriminate) flying death bots. Millennials are often accused of affecting nostalgia before acquiring the years necessary for proper wistfulness. I understand that irritation, (a lot of those clothes were horrifying the first time around), but who can blame us when we long for a simpler time, when the things we were scared of weren’t even real?

So let’s watch the funny video below, and get a little shamelessly sentimental, shall we?

Say it with me now: HAIL SATAN!
 

 
Previously on Dangerous Minds:
Sympathy for the Devil: The Truth about Satanism in America (NSFW)