Credit: Dangeorus Minds / The White House

Fascists love purity.

They can’t decide what it actually is, which may explain why so many fascists claim to love a man as demonstrably impure as Donald Trump. However, working out what a fascist actually believes in is a losing game. They believe in whatever will consolidate power for them in the moment and nothing more.

This nebulous concept of purity, however, is one that they’ll constantly go back to in their rhetoric. That what they stand for isn’t just uncorrupted and nourishing, but always has been, and is obviously the case. That what they stand for is so clearly the right thing that no one has to interrogate it, and anyone asking for them to prove their hypothesis, or even elaborate on it, is a bad-faith actor trying to take them down. All you have to do is just accept their dogma, and they’ll do the hard stuff. Fall in line for your own good.

We’ve all seen this when it comes to the 45th and 47th Presidents of the United States. People demanding we stop looking at his actions in favour of parrotting parts of his branding at you. “How can he be tanking the economy when he’s a business genius?!” “How can he be dying of dementia when he’s the picture of health?!” “How can he be morally bankrupt when he literally doesn’t drink alcohol?!”

Which is true, he doesn’t. God willing, it’s the only thing I have in common with the fascist vermin. According to the brain-dead plankton himself, he decided against drinking booze as a result of his older brother Freddie Trump’s struggle with alcoholism. Reportedly, Freddie was the only person Donald ever actually had any real respect for, and he lost everything due to a brutal struggle with addiction, leading to his death from a heart attack at 42.

Of course, not only are we going by the word of Donald Trump, but we’re also going by the idea that he’s had any real love for anyone in his life. If we believe him, that’s on us.

So, how much soda does Trump drink?

I mean, for one thing, it’s a little rich to harp on about being above all temptation and claim that you live entirely with a clear head and rational thought when he’s clearly the kind of cocaine addict that David Bowie in the 1970s would be proud of. Even if you ignore the clear and obvious signs that a man who made his “fortune” on Wall Street in the 1980s is a little partial to the powder and just focus on what he says about himself, it’s clear that he’s just replaced one addiction with another.

We all know about his godawful diet of McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Oreos, and his Diet Coke obsession is the cherry on top of it all. The New York Times itself revealed that the Commander-in-Chief has installed a button on his desk in the Oval Office that summons an aide to bring forth one of the 12 cans of Diet Coke he gets through in a single day. These are not the actions of someone who has an ordered mindset to what they put in their body, no matter what that thing may be.

Yet, anyone in the MAGA cult will fight back against this. Again, parroting the same talking points of how no teetotaller can be an addict or an evil person. Not actually engaging with the facts as they stand and repeating the simple, misleading statements they’ve built their moral code around. Good things are good and don’t have to be analysed. Donald Trump does good things and thus doesn’t have to be analysed. Donald Trump doesn’t drink, and that’s a good thing that doesn’t have to be analysed.

One wonders how these cultists would respond to being told that Adolf Hitler was a teetotaller, too. Though the sobering (sorry) truth is that we absolutely know how they’d react. It would change absolutely nothing.