I know mileage varies on this, but I find Twitter to be good almost exclusively for humor, otherwise I almost couldn’t care less about it. It’s not even just seeking comedians’ feeds, I also surpassingly love good one-joke Twitter accounts, the more narrow and absurd the better. From the almost zen-like “Coffee Dad” to the seasonal-affective “Santa Klaus Nomi,” run your one stupid idea into the ground and I’ll probably find it funny once it’s gone on way too long. And in a similar spirit of denial shown by “Not a Cop,” here’s “Not a Wolf.”
 

AH YES NEW JOB

NEW CUBE

NEW COWORKERS

NEW DISCRETE CORNER IN WHICH TO MARK MY TERRITORY

OMG FREE COFFEE

— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 9, 2016

YOU CANNOT GO HOME AGAIN

BECAUSE HOME IS A FEELING TIED TO A BYGONE TIME AND PLACE

NOT BECAUSE THE WOODS YOU GREW UP IN ARE A MALL NOW

— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) November 22, 2016

AH WONDERFUL THE BRUNCH MENU

EXCUSE ME DO YOU HAPPEN TO SERVE FOURTEEN POUNDS OF RAW AND BLEEDING MEAT

OH SORRY

I MEANT AVOCADO TOAST

— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) October 7, 2016

 
“Not a Wolf,” if you haven’t picked it up from the content (or this post’s headline) is the purported feed of a “Coffee lover. Graphic designer. Definitely not a wolf pretending to be a man.” This very, very silly and wonderful thing is the brainchild of Chicago comedian Dan Sheehan, known as the creator of “We Still Like You”—a traveling storytelling show and podcast 100% centered around first-person narratives of shame—and the once extremely popular blog “I Suck at Tinder,” another high-concept affair, which must have petered out, as he switched it to a more general theme a little over a year ago.
 

OH LIKE YOU HAVE NOT KILLED A HORSE BEFORE

HYPOCRITES

— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) October 5, 2016

MORNINGS ARE BAD BECAUSE I HAVE LOTS OF WORK MEETINGS IN WHICH WE DISCUSS HOW TO ACQUIRE MORE CURRENCY AND MEAT RARELY COMES UP WHY IS THAT

— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) November 1, 2016

FOR THOSE OF YOU ASKING ABOUT MY SON ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT HE IS A GOOD BOY THAT IS NOT A HORRIFIC HYBRID OF MAN AND BEAST

— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 12, 2016

EVERYONE KNOWS THE LOCKER ROOM IS NOT A PLACE WHERE YOU TALK

IT IS A PLACE WHERE YOU POINT AT STRANGERS AND SAY

THAT GUY HAS A WOLF PENIS

— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) October 13, 2016

PLEASE

OH MY GOD A WOLF WAS MY FATHERS NAME

YOU MAY CALL ME ANYTHING OTHER THAN THAT

— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 6, 2016

I LOVE OFFICE CULTURE

WE SHOULD TOUCH BASE

I WILL LOOP YOU IN

LET US CIRCLE BACK

I EAT BONES

SYNERGY

WHAT DID I JUST SAY EVEN

— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 6, 2016

I AVOID PALM READERS BECAUSE OF MY DISTASTE FOR CHARLATANS AND NOT BECAUSE I HAVE THICK LIL PADS THAT WOULD MAKE EVEN A MIGHTY PSYCHIC WEEP

— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) November 18, 2016

HOW SHOULD I STAVE OFF THE DARKNESS TONIGHT

— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) October 26, 2016

CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH THAT WHILE MANY SHAMPOOS MAY SMELL LIKE DELICIOUS FOOD THEY ARE ACTUALLY GOO

I OBVIOUSLY KNEW

BUT WARN YOUR DOGS

— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 8, 2016

 
If you’re a fan of stuff that says “I AM NOT A WOLF” on it, Sheehan maintains just the Etsy shop for you. We’ll leave you with this sampling of highlights from some “We Still Like You” shows.
 

Previously on Dangerous Minds:
Naomi Wolf Vagina is now on Twitter
Nomi Noël: get your holiday jollies with ’Santa Klaus Nomi’
Public Image Twitter Fight: Keith Levene is MAD AS HELL AND HE’S NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!