Take a look at highlights from this large collection of wacky vintage novelty phones

09.15.2017
08:41 am
Topics:
Amusing
Pop Culture
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Kids today just don’t know what they’re missing.

Yesterday I called up my local cable company in hopes of setting up a landline. Not that I really need one or anything. People can reach me just fine on cell, but I like the idea of only being reachable while at home. Just like in the olden days. We’ve gotta do what we can to loosen society’s grip over our hyper-connected, over-stimulated lives. But apparently my cable provider isn’t offering that anymore?!?

A study published in May by the Center for Disease Control (of all people!) found that for the first time in American history, the majority of households are cellphone-only (50.8%). This statistic was compared to the feeble 6.5% population of strictly-landline users, with the remaining being a mix of the two (or even neither). Well, that’s truly a bummer, because I had the perfect ‘analog rig’ already picked out.

Author James David Davis with his prized $600 Ronald McDonald phone

Collectible Novelty Phones was the comprehensive reference godsend for any collector of weird phones way back when (people were actually able to use them). Having hit shelves back in 1998, the book today can mostly be found among other helpful guides to shit nobody cares about anymore in your neighborhood’s “Little Free Library” (or on Amazon). Written by former AT&T technician James David Davis, a true devotee of the movement, the book is basically a photo gallery of one dude’s enormous phone collection. Each blower is professionally displayed, categorized, and technically detailed to a marvelous result. It might even be enough for you to think twice about getting the new iPhone in favor of a kitschy talking Garfield phone with an actual dial-tone.

Below are some of my favorites from the collection.

This one really baffles me

Bonus! This is a toy phone that plays 4-inch records.