You know how it is. You retire from soccer (“football,” whatever), the voices in your head tell you that you’re the son of god, you compare yourself to Jesus on national television, and then you discover the New World Order, made up of multi-dimensional, shape-shifting,  reptilian humanoid aliens (who are possibly Jews). 

Highlights include:

—Alex Jones insinuating that Icke is COINTELPRO, the ultimate “insult” meant to discredit the serious conspiracy theorists.

—the Anti-Defamation League trying to figure out if he really means Jews or if he literally is saying 12-foot lizards.

—the line, “drinking human blood, particularly the blood of blond-haired, blue-eyed people, seems to be very beneficial to holding mammal codes open.”

For the record, I have actually read most of The Biggest Secret: The Book That Will Change the World , and I go back and forth on whether or not he’s using coded anti-Semitic language. Only one thing is for sure: the lizard people are not kosher. (I’ll be here all night, folks—tip your waitress.)
 

Never trust a white man in a turquoise tracksuit.