Terrible wax museums rule. Granted, good wax museums are really cool, I’ve got nothing bad to say about superior artistry or the skillful evocation of a likeness, it’s just that awful wax museums deliver different kicks, a more what-the-fuck kind of experience. Just up Clifton Hill from the actual falls area of Niagara Falls, Ontario there’s a really tacky entertainment district, which, among other gloriously, unabashedly garish attractions, boasts an incredible concentration of comically inferior wax museums. My absolute favorite, the Criminals Hall of Fame, closed down a couple of years ago, and I really wish I knew what became of its inventory (apart from its Hitler figure, which was brazenly stolen right from its case in 1999).

No need to wonder about the inventory of The Hall of Presidents and First Ladies Museum. It wasn’t in Niagara Falls, but judging by photos of its collection, it’d have been a good fit. The Gettysburg, PA institution just closed in late November—how someone could fail with a historical attraction in Gettysburg, I’ll refrain from speculating—and its figures and other ephemera are going up for auction. The collection is exemplary—exemplary for why I adore cheap wax museums. Everything about the likenesses is just off, some in subtle ways, but plenty are just marvelously, unmistakably wrong. It is truly regrettable that this place closed before it had a chance to “honor” Donald Trump.
 

Allegedly, this is JFK.
 

Per the auction catalog: “Very fine President John F. Kennedy plaster sculpture head.” Very fine indeed. Also evidently AX CRAZY.
 

Richard M. Nixon.
 

Gerald R. Ford.
 

James Earl Carter, possibly being electrocuted.
 

 

You-know-who.
 

Someday, when the real Bill Clinton passes away and is embalmed, he will look better than this.
 

This is supposed to be HRC, but doesn’t it look way more like that one friend of your mom’s who creepily hits on you when she’s drunk?
 

Dubya
 

Gotta give them this one—their Barry O is genuinely not horrible. It’s not quite bang-on, but it’s really close, and more important, it’s not scary.
 

Can’t quite say the same for Michelle, alas.

The auction catalog is worth a look, not just for the presidential figures, but also for the miniature First Ladies, many of whose eyes are set just wide enough apart to suggest fetal alcohol syndrome, and for the folk-art inspired figurines that don’t even try to achieve accurate likenesses. If you absolutely need to have reanimated dead Abe Lincoln in your home, the auction is being conducted by the Pennsylvania Onsite Auction Company this Saturday, January 14th, 2017. Best of luck.

Hat tip to Derf for this find.

Previously on Dangerous Minds:
Tons of awesome Ray Harryhausen artifacts up for auction
The actual Maltese Falcon is for sale, so why not treat yourself?
Those notorious naked Trump statues are starting to be released to the wild