I guess you could say that I was one of those imperturbable optimists, thinking that America was still worth saving. Then I woke up and read the news today (oh boy) and now I’m not so sure about that anymore, or if it would even be desirable. Matt Lauer? No, no one was surprised by that, but Garrison freaking Keillor? JFC, yo. And did you hear about this? Or this? Or this? Or this? Or this? How’s about this?

What about THIS??? (Say what you will about the Russians, they have PANTSED and humiliated the US intelligence agencies. Who can blame them from wanting to do a drunken victory lap right out in the open around Red Square and have a good laugh about how dumb the Americans are?)

ANYWHO… there’s nothing quite like a good “dumb idea”—the sort of thing that’s “ironic” to smarter folk (who will “ironically” purchase or support whatever “it” is, often for a “joke” gift) and that only idiots think is cool and they don’t even know that it’s something that only a seriously uncool fucknut would want.
 

 
The “Trumpy Bear” is one such item. The manufacturer—evil geniuses—can sell the item to your Fox News-watching dumbshit uncle AND your liberal friends who think it would be “edgy” to purchase such an item for laffs for a Trump-loathing pal! (I’ll just bet Keith Olbermann was given several of these hideous things yesterday alone.)

The goofy “Trumpy Bear” TV commercial is a surgical precision masterclass in not appearing to be insincere to idiots, but also in creating “content” that “smart people” will think is oh-so-funny and tongue-in-cheek and even share on your behalf (like right now as you read this). You might suspect that this is an elaborate prank devised by John Oliver and co., but THIS IS EXACTLY THE LOOK THEY’RE GOING FOR. Whoever wrote and produced this supreme masterpiece of marketing ambiguity (the biker/vet guy and the old codger “patriot” were pitch perfect, no?) deserves whatever monetary compensation comes their way, whether from a proper idiot-idiot or a “smart person”-idiot. Their money spends the same. Virtually every American with a low IQ or absolutely no imagination whatsoever is a potential customer! THAT is one hell of a Venn diagram and if this is not a recipe for untold riches, I don’t know what would be. I’m not planning to buy one, and yet I too have been ensnared by their insidious black magic media virus and I am now passing it on to you. Good times!

And THAT is what you call a good—nay GREAT—dumb idea. A magical formula for separating a fool from his money and depositing it directly into your own bank account.
 

 
Apparently the close-to-the-vest Trumpy Bear TV commercial is airing in some very carefully selected places: according to Ad Age magazine, the 2-minute infomercial is being seen on at least ten nationally carried cable television networks including Animal Planet, Discovery, Grit TV, Outdoor Channel, some inspirational channels and the American Heroes Channel. Of course it’s been also spotted on MeTV and Fox News. The sort of show you might see the ad airing on would include reruns of vintage programs appealing to older, less-complex Americans such as Cops, Walker, Texas Ranger and Bonanza. The target audience of such fair would probably not sense that this is a joke (and perhaps it’s not) or that they were being fleeced for two LOW LOW PAYMENTS OF JUST $19.95 by godless big city-dwelling cynics who might not even be Trump fans themselves. [To be clear, the folks behind this could be huge Trump supporters, I have no idea. I would prefer to think they aren’t, but that’s my bias showing.]
 

Saw this Trumpy Bear commercial during a Hitler documentary. Still processing. pic.twitter.com/WnXbCZFNqI

— Michael Urie (@michaelurie) November 29, 2017

 
Nevertheless, the fact that actor Michael Urie (Ugly Betty; Torch Song on Broadway) was confronted with the Trumpy Bear spot whilst watching a goddamn Hitler documentary sort of indicates strongly what a high level of sophistication has gone into the tightly targeted marketing of this ridiculous item, don’t cha think?

To be clear, I’m not ragging on them: I just wish I’d have come up with this infernal thing m’self…
 

 
PS: And then there is this. I don’t know what to think anymore.
 

 
Thank you Chris Campion!
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