Credit: Dangerous Minds / MUBI

So, fun fact, many people took a look at the teachings of L Ron Hubbard and thought, “Ah, that must be step one!”

It’s true. So captivated were many people by the bizarrely intoxicating blend of science fiction franchise, spiritual healing centre and organised crime family that is The Church of Scientology that many of its members, particularly in the early days, were inspired to strike out on their own.

Many members formed what many people might call their own cults that are, legally speaking, not cults. I’d make the Futurama “with blackjack and hookers” gag, but let’s be real here, if there aren’t blackjack and hookers tucked away somewhere in Hubbard’s monstrosity, I’ll visit the Dianetics centre on Tottenham Court Road. This is a joke, please don’t make me go there, for the love of Xenu.

Among the more infamous examples of castoffs from Scientology setting up their own clubhouse away from Ron n’ Tom’s home turf is the Process Church of the Final Judgement. As you can probably tell from the name, the basic idea behind it is “what if Scientology, but more God and less Aliens”. However, all you need to know about them comes from their logo. In true “are we the baddies?” fashion, it looks like a ninja throwing star crossed with a swastika. Cripes.

The story of The Process Church begins with two people who, in the early 1960s, were full-paid-up members of the Church of Scientology. Glasgow native Mary Ann MacLean, a high-end sex worker who was actually working for the Church as an Auditor, and Robert Moor, an ex-serviceman trying to turn his life around. The two left the church in 1962 to marry a year later.

Rather than this being a quite spectacular way of coming to one’s senses, though, it’s more like they realised they were never going to get the authority they wanted while aligned to Scientology. Thus, they began putting together a church of their own. It sounds like the fundamental problem that Moor and MacLean had was the idea of Scientology essentially promising its followers superpowers. In Moor’s words, they wanted to offer “a means that people can live on this side more effectively”.

At least, at first. Then they got God, and got God in a big way.

How did the Process Church spread its gospel?

By the late 1960s, the Church began to promote itself less like a traditional church and more like a trendy lifestyle brand. In their native London, they opened a library and a coffee shop with the name Satan’s Cavern. I know I’m falling for their trap, but that name does go apocalyptically hard. They also spread their word via the press. Using contacts to get a magazine of their antics published, first called The Common Market, then simply The Process. What’s more, this strategy of using simple cool to spread their message worked like an absolute charm.

Dozens more people started signing up to The Process, including, infamously, Marianne Faithfull at the height of her fame. The money that came from this meant that the Process Church began spreading all over the world, first to Latin America, then to the United States. However, the end of the 1960s saw one man undo all their hard work. All Charles Manson had to do was say that he liked the cut of The Process Church’s jib, and then suddenly, all the work the Church had done to make itself the hip, smart face of alternative spiritualism was gone in an instant.

The Process Church struggled on for a few more years, bleeding money and attracting the kind of abuse from the public they’d never had to deal with before. After a few years of trying to work out how best to rebrand and save The Church’s image, MacLean and Moor began to have very different visions for their future, which strained their marriage. The final nail in the coffin for both their marriage and their church was an affair Moor had with a younger Church member, and MacLean and Moor separated in 1974.

Both headed up a splinter faction of the original church, but since MacLean took more people into her Foundation Church of the Millennium, Moor’s vision of the church was disbanded in 1979, and he moved into business. MacLean’s vision of the church continued until her death in 2005, where it continues to this day in name only.

Turns out this “running a cult” stuff is a lot harder than it looks.