‘Uptown Top Ranking’: Insanely catchy reggae one-hit wonder by Althea and Donna
‘Uptown Top Ranking’ is an infectious hit single that maddeningly knocked Wings‘ Christmas blockbuster ‘Mull of Kintyre’ off the number one spot on the British pop charts in February of 1978.
Although it only reached that peak for a single week after climbing the charts for months, the playful and whimsical rap, performed by teenaged Althea Forrest and Donna Reid, or Althea and Donna as the duo were known, is still fondly remembered. I’m surprised it hasn’t been used in a car commercial. Perhaps it already has been.
The number was produced by reggae great Joe Gibbs, apparently for shits and giggles. Perhaps it was intended to be a novelty record of sorts, as it was a female “answer” song aimed as a comeback to Trinity’s hit ‘Three Piece Suit and Thing’. Both tunes utilised the riddim from a soulful and romantic Alton Ellis song from 1967 titled ‘I’m Still In Love with You’. It was popularised in the UK by BBC DJ John Peel.
Forrest and Reid were just 17 and 18 years old, respectively, when their unmemorable album was recorded, and frankly, they probably had just the one good song in them. But hey, what an amazing song it was!
What makes ‘Uptown Top Ranking’ so brilliant is how much of a fluke it was. Two teenagers cutting a cheeky answer record, probably never imagining it’d end up rubbing shoulders with Paul McCartney at the top of the charts. It wasn’t polished pop, it wasn’t even meant to be taken too seriously—it was more like someone letting off steam in the back of a minibus, only with a killer riddim behind it. But it fucking worked.
Play it now and it still feels like a sly grin on vinyl. The vocals are half-playful, half-sassy, tossed across the track as if they’d been dashed off between school and the dancehall. There’s no grandstanding, no diva belting, just two girls taking the piss in the most laid-back way possible. And that riddim—it just rolls along like it doesn’t give a toss. The beauty of it is how little effort it seems to make while still sticking in your head for days.
You’ve got to remember Britain in ’78: punk was spitting itself silly, prog was bloated, and reggae had slipped into every youth club and transistor radio. Along comes ‘Uptown Top Ranking’ – cheeky, lightweight on the surface, but dripping with swagger – and it was like a breath of fresh air. John Peel rinsed it, kids lapped it up, and suddenly you had a nation of teenagers humming along to a pair of Jamaican schoolgirls who sounded like they were having a laugh at the whole circus. No wonder it took off.
Althea and Donna never managed to pull it off again, but who cares? One perfect tune is more than most acts get in a lifetime. ‘Uptown Top Ranking’ is still a stone-cold classic, the sort of record that sneaks up on you in a pub jukebox and makes the whole place grin. McCartney had his bagpipes, sure, but these two had the last laugh, and nearly half a century later, they still do.