The boys are playing but they just can’t find the sound.

KISS fans—I mean die-hard high-rankers in the KISS ARMY—are a very forgiving lot, and there’s something to be said for a band that can generate generations of such zealous fans that will defend every dicey step from, say, Music From The Elder to KISS Rock And Brews restaurant to fake stand-ins for Peter and Ace. These hardcores will think nothing of paying a thousand dollar ticket to go on a KISS Kruise, or spending $2000 for a 38-pound box set of Gene Simmons solo tracks (insert Gene Simmons voiceover: “Now available at Gene Simmons Vault Dot Com.”)

Some of these fans recently ordered the said Gene Simmons Vault Experience boxset, paying the premium to have the set (or sets) hand-delivered by Gene himself. This in-person meet-and-greet/hangout, according to Simmons’ website costs $50,000. We are assuming that the video recording posted below would have cost some fan or fans the full asking price, unless there was some sort of deal negotiated—but we all know what a shrewd businessman Mr. Simmons is.

The KISS fans assembled here got, what would ostensibly be a very special treat—an acoustic jam session with both Gene and (estranged KISS member) Ace Frehley. Unfortunately, what is actually on display here is the worst guitar dick-around imaginable. Picture those dudes you knew from your dorm in college who would get together to fart around on acoustic guitars but they could never actually get in the same key or play an entire song together and it would just annoy the piss out of everyone—except those 2 dudes are almost 70 (and used to be in the hottest band in the world.)
 

 
Quite simply, Gene and Ace can’t get their shit together on this—at all. Well, Gene has his shit together a bit more because he’s been a performing musician non-stop for over 40 years—Ace, on the other hand, seems to have a rough go of it. Part of this could be blamed on the fact that the instrument and amp provided could not give him the sustain offered by distortion. Watching this video, you’d never guess these guys had EVER played in a band together. The pair attempts to fumble their way through some Who, Stones, and Beatles covers in addition to fucking up their own songs. To say that this is merely “bad” is an understatement. It’s a straight-up embarrassment, but something tells me the fans gathered for this did not mind one bit. KISS fans, like I said, are very forgiving. The fans probably did, at the very least, enjoy the cordial rapport between Gene and Ace—somewhat surprising given the fact that Gene has said a lot of un-nice things about Ace in print over the years.

Gene has said in interviews throughout KISS’ career that his mission was to provide the best show imaginable to his fans and to give them their money’s worth. And, certainly, KISS in their heyday always did that. But one must wonder if the idea of mortality is catching up with Mr. Simmons and he’s realizing that his chances for one last great cash-grab are dwindling. Because the performance in this video is certainly not worth $50,000.

You be the judge, after the jump…

 
Readers of Time Out New York and listeners of WFMU’s “Miniature Minotaurs” know writer/editor/DJ/producer Kurt Gottschalk, who’s also the founder/curator of the ridiculous single-serving Facebook group “Ace Calling,” accurately self-proclaimed “The #1 Ace Frehley fan page on Facebook when measured in terms of posting the same photo over and over and over again.” The group’s premise is simple and stupid and wonderful—Gottschalk and other members juxtapose a photo of KISS guitarist Ace Frehley on the phone with a photo of someone else on the phone. Captioning the the pairing with an imaginary snippet of conversation is optional.
 

 

 

 
Gottschalk was kind enough to take some time to talk about the group with DM:

I had this photo [of Frehley], I have no idea where I even found it, the main one of Ace on the phone. Then i stumbled on a still from Under the Cherry Moon of Prince talking on the phone in the bathtub. It just struck me as funny to think ‘what would Ace Frehley and Prince talk about on the phone, especially if Prince was in the tub at the time?’

I posted that and then I started posting other pics of Ace on the phone “with” other people.

Eventually I decided I wanted them all in one place so I made a separate group. I thought it’d just be a few friends goofing on it.

 I think what makes it so funny is how Ace isn’t talking in the pic, he’s listening and he looks so calm. Anything could be happening on the other end of the line and he’s all zen about it. Plus just seeing him in costume and makeup doing something so mundane is funny. Like Morris Day vacuuming at the beginning of Purple Rain.



There have been a bunch of spin-off groups—Duke Ellington writing, Farrah shredding, Kelsey Grammer kissing, a few more - but none have taken off the same way. It’s all just goof upon goof. Oh, and Paris Hilton DJing, that’s my other favorite one. But the phone call thing works better than other activities. The split-screen aspect of it, the fact that he’s using a landline, that he’s stuck in the ‘70s.

 

 

 

 

 
More Ace calling, after the jump…

 
Last year I posted about Ace Frehley’s former ultimate fan, Bill Baker and his brush with greatness his fallen idol. It’s a real life “lovable loser” story tailor-made for a Peter Bagge comic book adaptation. In the comments of that post, a reader named Eric posted “Watch this next” and a link to a YouTube clip, part 1 of “Ace’s High,” a short 1999 documentary about—get this—an all Ace KISS tribute band then apparently operating in Detroit.

OMFG…

Each of the members of Ace’s High dresses as Ace in all his 70s glory and they only play songs written by Ace, or else associated with him such as “New York Groove.” That’s right, Paul and Gene are “assholes” and Peter Criss hardly gets a mention from the four members of Ace’s High (although they do all seem to harbor an apparently infinitely deep hatred of Vinnie Vincent, the guitarist who had the audacity to try to step into Ace’s unfillable platforms when he left the group in 1982.)

Here’s the thing, I’ve looked these guys up on the Internet every which way (there is precious little about them or the film) and I’ve watched this thing three times now to see if it might be a goof, but I’ll be damned I think this is—or was—a real tribute act! There will be arguments aplenty as to whether or not this is scripted or a “mockumentary” but from what I can tell, nope, these guys really did form an all Ace Frehley KISS tribute band.

Fiction is not this stupid.

The motivation as to why someone would do such a thing remains mysterious to me, but it’s, it’s… how do I put this? It was a noble endeavor?

Nah…

This is SO Spinal Tap that it hurts. And take it from a man whose TV stock-in-trade was getting wackos to talk to him and keeping a straight face, this is an absolute gem of outsider documentary. Watch it on a KISS fanatics double bill with the Bill Baker videos. But do watch it, it’s the fucking best thing ever. If you like things like American Movie, the films of Christopher Guest and Documentary Now, trust me, you’re gonna like this, too… It’s a stone classic, another Heavy Metal Parking Lot.

Starring: Hotter than Hell Ace ‘74, Kiss Alive Ace ‘75, Destroyer Ace ‘76 and Love Gun Ace ‘77. Produced by AWOL. Part 2 is here.
 

 
When Ace and Jeanette Frehley got married in 1976, the members of KISS used the opportunity to take the stage and instruments of the wedding band (St. James Infirmary) and play some songs at the reception. After playing one song, Ace’s new father-in law asked the band to stop—as all the attention was going to the band instead of the wedding activities. The band played two more.

The book Kiss and Sell: The Making of a Supergroup by C.K. Lendt, who worked with KISS’ financial team, gives an insight into the vibe at the reception:

Ace’s May 1976 wedding to Jeanette Trerotola, an Italian girl from suburban New York, was a huge affair at New York’s Americana hotel that attempted to link two sharply different worlds. Jeanette came from a large family. At the wedding, many relatives showed up, including her grandfather, one of the highest ranking officials in the Teamsters who was known as Joe T. Her father was also a Teamster official. At times, the two camps reportedly appeared to face off against each other, with each group congregating on opposite sides of the ballroom. One friend of the band, a gay musician who came dressed in a black leather motorcycle jacket and knee-high boots, supposedly came close to inciting a riot when he congratulated members by giving them bear hugs and huge kisses.

Luckily someone captured part of the impromptu wedding jam. The band performs “Rock and Roll All Nite” and “Shout It Out Loud” in a short super 8mm reel. According to this site, “Nothing to Lose” was also played. The sound quality is rough, and the performances are a bit sloppy, but that could be attributed to either free-flowing wedding booze, or, more likely, the hypothesis put forward in the 1978 documentary KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park, that without their magic talismans they are just ordinary human beings with no mystical powers (or ability to keep in tune).
 

“I’d heard about your talismans, but I didn’t think they really existed. What’s that humming noise?”
 
If you are a fan, this 8mm film footage, albeit rough, is gold. Remarkably, the band seem to really actually kind of like each other in the clip.

It’s also remarkable to see footage from this era of the band without makeup. The identities of the members were closely guarded by the band and management at this time. Even when a magazine of the day could snap photos of the band, they’d never actually print them, for fear of losing access to publicity materials from the “hottest band in the world.” Creem magazine’s art director, Charlie Auringer, snapped these photos back in 1975 —of course they weren’t printed!
 

 

 

 
And now, you wanted the best, you got the best. The hottest wedding band in the land, KISS:
 

 
Don’t ask me how (or why) I happened to stumble across this oddly fascinating narrative of how Ace Frehley tribute band leader Bill Baker first idolized and then became buddies with the original KISS guitarist… but I did. Baker is a luthier—guitar craftsman—and formerly the head honcho of Fractured Mirror, a Frehley-flavored tribute act.

I don’t really want to say too much about this, and I think it speaks for itself, other than to say that this story would make a good indie film or an even better Peter Bagge graphic novel. Bill Baker self-published a book, Ace Frehley: The Ultimate Fan Scrapbook which is nearly sold out. You can buy it at his website, which features all manner of Ace Frehley memorabilia and videos.

These two clips, from a documentary titled KISS Loves You, tell the story of how Bill and Ace met and… what happened next.

The good times:
 

 
The aftermath, after the jump…

 
I watched the Morton Downey, Jr. documentary, Evocateur, the other night (it’s streaming on Amazon) and was reminded of how much fun that loudmouth could be back when his TV show ran on WWOR in New York City in the late 80s. Drawing from local talent, Downey often featured some very cool guests. In this particular episode from February 1989 on punk and metal, Downey, wearing a goofy earring in his ear, is uncharacteristically even-tempered and and downright civil to his guests Joey Ramone, Ace Frehley, members of The Cycle Sluts and my label-mates Circus Of Power. It all makes for some great television, short on facts or insight, but full of the anarchic energy and mayhem triggered by Downey’s unpredictable and explosive gasbagotry.

When Downey does come on strong, it’s fun to watch these rockers cower like kids being lectured by an overbearing slightly psychotic teacher.
 

 
Previously on Dangerous Minds:
Loudmouth: Before there was Glenn Beck, Breitbart or Sean Hannity there was Morton Downey Jr.