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‘Beat Your Way to the Top: Masturbation as a Technique for Business Success’
04.19.2013
10:00 am
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How do you think Kim Jong-un got to be the dictator of North Korea, anyways?
 
In searching for hint of satire or farce, I am left wanting. Beat Your Way to the Top: Masturbation as a technique for business success, written by Dr. Stephen Larkin PhD, appears to be (somewhat?) legit. In my mind, it’s really only the natural mutation of 1980s self-improvement pseudo-psychology business culture. Really, what’s more masturbatory than meditating on one’s own awesomeness? I mean, doesn’t espousing masturbation in the context of business culture feel kind of redundant?

But Dr. Larkin appears to be deadly serious about his work, despite the cynical dismissal of his peers.

I am not able to publish these findings in any psychology journal. Business journals that I have approached have tended to act as if it was all a joke. I assure you it is not joke. As embarrassing as it is to admit it, I myself started following these routines and as a direct consequence, I am publishing this book today.

I’m surprised he found the time.

Masturbation WILL lead to the realization of your dreams. It will focus you. Energize you. It will allow you to see with clarity. Follow the instructions in this book and you too, will find success.

Okay… but what if I’m wrong? What if this man the Tesla of our time? Pitching his drops of pearly brilliance over the heads a skeptical audience of prudes?

Are we the ones on the wrong side of history? Is success in business not based on luck, skill, being born into a wealthy family and (to a far lesser extent) hard work? Call me a skeptic, but I just think that if this worked, we’d ALL be far more successful by now. Poverty would have been conquered thousands of years ago. EVERYONE would own a Rolls Royce!

But if you look at the Amazon reviews, it seems to be working for many of Dr. Larkin’s readers.

Hannah from Michigan, gives the book a five-star rating:

I was worried when my husband brought this little gem home. Imagine my relief when I learned it was actually about masturbation!

This book is geared toward men, but if you squint, you can relate it to women, too. Before I read this book, I was a dime-a-dozen bean counter at the local Mexican restaurant. How was I supposed to know that the secret to success is tickling the taco? It had been so long since I had stirred the yogurt, but you know what they say about riding sidesaddle wink! Now, every day at my lunch break, I spend five minutes in the bathroom making soup and feeding my bearded clam, and my professional life is climaxing! The owner has been eyeballing me for my manager’s position- I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I have a feeling I’ll be rubbing out her name on the office door soon!

Reviewer Noj also seemed to get something from Dr. Larkin’s techniques:

Before I bought this book, my handshakes were weak and weary. Now, they are firm and muscular, with a hint of a non-slip grip. It’s hard for me to imagine how I survived in the business world before. The only problem that I have now is that I occasionally squeeze a soda can too tightly, and get it everywhere.

Well, maybe it does work, what do I know? I just wouldn’t buy a used copy of this puppy, if you know what I mean…

Posted by Amber Frost
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04.19.2013
10:00 am
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Francis Bacon’s lost painting of Lucian Freud turns up after 45 years

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As Marc Campbell pointed out on DM last month, when a b&w Coke bottle by Andy Warhol sold for $35, “some things are recession proof.” Now, a painting of Lucian Freud by Francis Bacon has turned up after being kept in a private collection and not exhibited anywhere since 1965. This triptych goes on sale next month at Sotheby’s, in London, and according to the Daily Telegraph its $10m-$14m estimate “does not seem unreasonable.” Not unreasonable if you think of art as just a money-making exercise, like Warhol once said, “Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art.”

Three Studies for a Portrait of Lucian Freud is a powerfully rendered triptych of small, 14in x 12in portraits, and is a testament to one of the most significant artistic relationships of the 20th century.

Bacon and Freud met in 1945 through the artist Graham Sutherland and became close if competitive friends, painting each other on several occasions. At one point, they met on an almost daily basis, frequently at their favourite watering hole, the Colony Room in Soho. But their friendship cooled in the late Seventies after an argument.

Only four portraits of Freud by Bacon have been at auction in the past 20 years. The last was in 2003 when a very similar small triptych sold to Pierre Chen, chairman of the Taiwanese Yageo Foundation, for $3.8 million (£2.2 million), which was record for a Bacon painting of these dimensions.

Since then, the price of Bacon has risen dramatically, climaxing in May 2008 with the $86 million (£44 million) paid by Roman Abramovich for a large-scale triptych.
However, top-drawer paintings by Bacon have been scarce at auction during the credit crunch. Since the summer of 2008, four works of varying quality have been unsold, creating a state of uncertainty in the Bacon market, and potential sellers have been waiting for someone else to make the first move to ascertain its strength. Hopefully for Sotheby’s, that deadlock was broken last November when a late painting of a cricket player belonging to Bacon’s doctor, Paul Brass, sold for $14 million (£8.7 million), comfortably above its estimate.

Considering that two small-format self-portrait triptychs by Bacon made £14 million and more in 2008, the £7 million-£9 million estimate for this triptych of Freud does not seem unreasonable. The only thing against it is that it has recently been offered privately and not sold, but that was for a much higher sum.

Sotheby’s is not saying who is selling the portrait, which was bought directly from Bacon’s dealers, Marlborough Fine Art, in 1965, apart from indicating that it is part of a family inheritance. Trade sources, however, confirm that the painting belonged to the Geneva based collector, George Kostalitz, who died last year. A private man about whom little is on public record, Kostalitz is said to have had a close working relationship with Tobias Meyer, Sotheby’s head of contemporary art.

 
Previously on Dangerous Minds

Warhol’s $35million Coke Bottle


 

 

Posted by Paul Gallagher
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01.01.2011
08:48 pm
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