Republican loud-mouth, attention-seeking buffoon and draft dodging he-man man’s man, rocker Ted Nugent, has given his manly men men men seal o’ fuckin’ approval to Mitt Romney. The Motor City Madman gave the son of popular Michigan governor, George Romney, his blessing via Twitter:

“after a long heart&soul conversation with MittRomney today I concluded this goodman will properly represent we the people & I endorsed him”

That a serious presidential candidate can be reduced to kissing the ring of a twat like Ted Nugent in order to garner the votes of morons says much about the decline of the Grand Old Party. Imagine the indignity of having to buddy up to the likes of Ted Nugent, Kid Rock and Sheriff Joe Arpaio! And when all is said and done, Romney’s still gonna lose.

In honor of this historic and important political endorsement, I dredged up the text of an October 1977 High Times interview with Nugent that I remembered from when I was a kid (I’d have not even turned twelve yet when this issue—which had Johnny Rotten on the cover—came out. Why did I have a copy of High Times when I was eleven??? What sort of degenerate sold it to me? It shows what kind of child I was, already visiting the local head shop when I was in the 6th grade):

High Times:How did you get out of the draft?

Ted Nugent: Ted was a young boy, appearing to be a hippie but quite opposite in fact, working hard and playing hard, playing rock and roll like a deviant. People would question my sanity, I played so much. So I got my notice to be in the draft. Do you think I was gonna lay down my guitar and go play army? Give me a break! I was busy doin’ it to it. I had a career Jack. If I was walkin’ around, hippying down, getting’ loaded and pickin’ my ass like your common curs, I’d say “Hey yeah, go in the army. Beats the poop out of scuffin’ around in the gutters.” But I wasn’t a gutter dog. I was a hard workin’, motherfuckin’ rock and roll musician.

I got my physical notice 30 days prior to. Well, on that day I ceased cleansing my body. No more brushing my teeth, no more washing my hair, no baths, no soap, no water. Thirty days of debris build. I stopped shavin’ and I was 18, had a little scraggly beard, really looked like a hippie. I had long hair, and it started gettin’ kinky, matted up. Then two weeks before, I stopped eating any food with nutritional value. I just had chips, Pepsi, beer-stuff I never touched-buttered poop, little jars of Polish sausages, and I’d drink the syrup, I was this side of death, Then a week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. poop, piss the whole shot. My pants got crusted up.

See, I approached the whole thing like, Ted Nugent, cool hard-workin’ dude, is gonna wreak havoc on these imbeciles in the armed forces. I’m gonna play their own game, and I’m gonna destroy ‘em. Now my whole body is crusted in poop and piss. I was ill. And three or four days before, I started stayin’ awake. I was close to death, but I was in control. I was extremely antidrug as I’ve always been, but I snorted some crystal methedrine. Talk about one wounded motherfucker. A guy put up four lines, and it was for all four of us, but I didn’t know and I’m vacuuming that poop right up. I was a walking, talking hunk of human poop. I was six-foot-three of sin. So the guys took me down to the physical, and my nerves, my emotions were distraught. I was not a good person. I was wounded. But as painful and nauseous as it was – ‘cause I was really into bein’ clean and on the ball – I made gutter swine hippies look like football players. I was deviano.

So I went in, and those guys in uniform couldn’t believe the smell. They were ridiculin’ me and pushin’ me around and I was cryin’, but all the time I was laughin’ to myself. When they stuck the needle in my arm for the blood test I passed out, and when I came to they were kicking me into the wall. Then they made everybody take off their pants, and I did, and this sergeant says, “Oh my God, put those back on! You fucking swine you!” Then they had a urine test and I couldn’t piss, But my poop was just like ooze, man, so I poop in the cup and put it on the counter. I had poop on my hand and my arm. The guy almost puked. I was so proud. I knew I had these chumps beat. The last thing I remember was wakin’ up in the ear test booth and they were sweepin’ up. So I went home and cleaned up.

They took a putty knife to me. I got the street rats out of my hair, ate some good steaks, beans, potatoes, cottage cheese, milk. A couple of days and I was ready to kick ass. And in the mail I got this big juicy 4-F. They’d call dead people before they’d call my ass. But you know the funny thing about it? I’d make an incredible army man. I’d be a colonel before you knew what hit you, and I’d have the baddest bunch of motherfuckin’ killers you’d ever seen in my platoon. But I just wasn’t into it. I was too busy doin’ my own thing, you know?

Yeah, man, lay off, the Nuge was just doing his own thing!

(Full disclosure: When I was eleven, I thought this was the funniest thing I’d ever heard.)

Below, a preposterous fucking idiot in an Indian headdress plays “The Star Spangled Banner” on his gee-tar for an audience of Neanderthals:
 

 
As ABC News reported, it would appear that Mitt Romney has gotten his campaigning “groove” back, starting with a well-received speech to Michigan Tea partiers last week:

Much of his speech to Tea Party groups here Thursday night was standard stump, but he related two stories about his father and boyhood in Michigan, and another about the Olympics, hosted in the wake of 9/11, that had audience members nodding approvingly– even wiping away tears.

There was only one problem: The tale that had the olds weeping for a Detroit that will never return was a bit of a tall tale, as Mitch Potter relayed in The Star yesterday:

When Mitt Romney regaled a Michigan audience this week with childhood memories of a landmark moment in Detroit history, it was a rare instance of emotional candour.

And, perhaps, an even rarer example of time travel.

Romney recalled he was “probably 4 or something like that” the day of the Golden Jubilee, when three-quarters of a million people gathered to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the American automobile.

“My dad had a job being the grandmaster. They painted Woodward Ave. with gold paint,” Romney told a rapt Tea Party audience in the village of Milford Thursday night, reliving a moment of American industrial glory.The Golden Jubilee described so vividly by Romney was indeed an epic moment in automotive lore. The parade included one of the last public appearances by an elderly Henry Ford.

And it took place June 1, 1946 — fully nine months before Romney was born.

He’d have been but a fertilized egg in his mother’s womb at the time, IF he is in fact, even a human being in the first place!

The Tea partiers still want to see Obama’s long form, but why is no one clamoring to see Romney’s birth certificate? Might it be because his papers prove he was created in a robot factory (owned by the Koch brothers, no doubt) and implanted with memories?

 
Next time, the Romney campaign can probably hire a smaller auditorium! We’ve heard Detroit is supposed to be a ghost town, but this is ridiculous.

If a picture paints a thousand words, this short video clip rather nicely sums up the tremendous “enthusiasm gap” problem facing Mitt Romney. In a state where his farther was once a popular governor, I doubt that he was able to fill even 1% of the 65,000 seats in Ford Field.
 

 
Take a look at “Rombo,” the Rick Santorum campaign’s weak effort to counter the heavy, heavy deluge of negative advertising currently seen across the state of Michigan in anticipation of the GOP primaries there on the 28th.

What’s that shitty smelling frothy brown mixture this gun is loaded with, anyway?

Guys! That was just too easy!!!

UPDATE: Operation Hilarity At Daily Kos there’s an effort being organized to keep the Republican clown contest going as long as possible before Mitt Romney is decreed? crowned? this elections sacrificial lamb: If you live in the open primary and caucus states of Michigan, North Dakota, Vermont and Tennessee, all which have contests coming up in the next three weeks—then head out and cast a vote for Rick Santorum. So far the races have been tight, often with razor sharp margins. If Santorum gains “big mo” from wins in these states, it’ll be good for… “the country.” Yeah, that’s right, GOOD FOR AMERICA!
 

 
Thank you kindly, James Daniel Mabe

 
It’s fantastic to see how “the dog story” (or “Crate Gate” as it is becoming known) is beginning to crush Mitt Romney, as well it should. Anyone who would strap a dog to the top of the family car for a TWELVE HOUR road trip has something wrong with them, something wrong in their head, like, say a pathologically severe lack of empathy (apparently a notable psychological trait of the wealthy and privileged, that they just don’t “get it”).

After the dog shit all over the car, Romney pulled over someplace, hosed the car (and the dog) down and drove on with the obviously scared-shitless pooch still atop the car. Emotion-free crisis management or what? Something that is becoming increasingly obvious about Mitt Romney: He’s the calm, cruel father.  The scarier question… is he a high-functioning psychopath?

On the Dogs Against Romney website they decided to embrace the Dan Savage approach:

romney (rom-ney) v. 1. To defecate in terror.

Of all places, Fox News has brought up this story repeatedly. Even the white supremacist crowd at Stormfront are hating on Romney for this one. Cruelty to animals will even piss off neo-Nazis!

And yesterday, at the Westminster Dog Show in New York, dog lovers really let Romney have it. From Boston.com:

A protest outside the Westminster dog show aimed at Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney drew about a dozen demonstrators Tuesday, plus a few pooches.

The half-hour lunchtime demonstration in front of Madison Square Garden took issue with Romney’s oft-told story of traveling with his Irish setter, Seamus, on a family vacation in 1983. Romney has said he put the dog inside a crate and strapped it to the roof rack for a 12-hour drive from Boston to Canada.

Protest spokeswoman Kitty Hendrix said the Dogs Against Romney website that organized the demonstration has about 25,000 members. The protesters held signs that said “Mitt is Mean’’ and “Dogs Aren’t Luggage’’ and “I Ride Inside.’’

One of the protesters, Al Alvarez, who picketed with his pit bull, Petey, said “I think Romney’s attitude toward dogs was indicative of his attitude toward the most vulnerable in our society.”

I’m inclined to agree. As someone who owns and spoils two tiny mutts rotten, I would never vote for a weirdo who thought it was okay to strap a defenseless dog to the top of their car for TWELVE HOURS. He’s either an idiot, a sociopath or BOTH. Fuck Mitt Romney. This is the sole piece of information I would need to make up my mind about how unfit this asshole is to be POTUS. Lisa Peterson, the spokeswoman for the American Kennel Club got in a wonderful dig at Mittens yesterday:

“The AKC promotes responsible dog ownership. Putting a dog in a crate for car travel is the first step toward responsible dog ownership,’’ she said. “The second step would be to put that crate in a car.’’

 
Mitt Romney gets his message out.
 
Previously on Dangerous Minds

Newt skullfucks Mitt Romney (and Capitalism itself)

Mitt Romney: Disgusting human being

 
Via Democratic Underground
 

 
Political junkies alert: If you haven’t seen Newt Gingrich’s epic 27-minute-long violent disembowelment of Mitt Romney, When Mitt Romney Came to Town, holy shit will it will take your breath away!

I mean… WOW. I can only imagine the look on Romney’s face when he saw this puppy. He probably broke down and cried! This shit is hardcore. Reagan’s Eleventh Commandment has been repealed.

Rating the political damage this film does to Romney on a scale of one to ten with one being merely annoying and ten being castrated and then having your balls shoved down your throat for the whole world to see? When Mitt Romney Came to Town is probably an eleven or twelve. Think I’m exaggerating? See for yourself!

This has to be the single meanest, most vicious political hit piece ever made. It’s a cold, cruel masterpiece of character assassination.

It makes the worst things Lee Atwater did in his career look warm and cuddly in comparison. “Willie Horton”? That’s amateur hour compared to When Mitt Romney Came to Town.

I suppose it’s a bit disingenuous to call it “Newt’s” film because he was just the highest bidder. The film was also offered to the other campaigns—they all had their chances—but it was Gingrich, or rather the “Winning Our Future” Super PAC supporting him, that allowed Gingrich to be the one to get all Ed Gein on Romney’s ass and deliver the axe to his head.

When Mitt Romney Came to Town was directed by Jason Killian Meath, an associate of Romney’s during the 2008 Republican primary who made ads that year that were pro-Mittens. He must have seen something in Romney that he didn’t like, or maybe not. Maybe When Mitt Romney Came to Town was simply a way for Meath to cynically sell his services to the highest bidder and enrich himself personally at Romney’s expense. Loyalties can be very flexible in Washington. The film looks like it cost no more than $50k to make, but surely Jason Killian Meath was well-compensated for this expert hit. The film’s all-out annihilation of its target positions Meath nicely as the “Scaramanga” of political operatives. In the future pols from both parties will be clamoring for his services. Why hire anyone but the very best? No one else comes even close to this guy’s mad satanic skillz! He’ll burn your opponent to the fucking ground.

Truly I don’t see how Romney will be able to counter this. It’s like the box that rips your face off in Hellraiser.

The thing is, When Mitt Romney Came to Town inadvertently goes to great lengths to expose the moral and intellectual bankruptcy at the heart of today’s Tea party-led GOP: Free market Capitalism, seen in the human form of Mitt Romney and the rest of his mega-rich cronies at Bain Capital, are such hideous and loathsome creatures that the unavoidable “takeaway”—even for conservative viewers, I should point out—is that Capitalism is an evil system rigged to benefit the people at the top of the food chain and fuck over anyone who gets in their way.

The rest of us are just their food. When Mitt Romney Came to Town makes that very, very clear… even for the most dumbshit Republicans. Freedom? You think you’re free? You’re free to lose your house, health insurance and starve is what you’re free to do, according to the message of this film. It’s called “creative destruction” and Mitt Romney will tell you all about it. It’s how he made his vast fortune: from the misery of hardworking Americans. The next time you hear some asshole going on about impersonal market forces and all that blather, show them When Mitt Romney Came to Town—this is an impersonal market force that has a first name, a last name, a social security number and a street address, albeit one that’s probably behind a big gate with security guards.

But it’s not just Mitt Romney’s mouth that this film pisses in. When Mitt Romney Came to Town dramatically and clearly indicts the entire way BUSINESS is done in America.  The film is of a set with anything that Michael Moore has ever done and seems far more in tune with the Occupy Wall Street movement than anything we’d normally associate with Republicans. Who wrote the voice over script, Trotsky? Yes, I mean to tell you that When Mitt Romney Came to Town is that much of a wildcard to throw into the GOP primary. Even Ron Paul might have his doubts about the free market after viewing this one.

Ultimately, though, I don’t think this film benefits Newt Gingrich in any way. It utterly destroys Mitt Romney, true, it absolutely skullfucks him and leaves him bleeding from his anus and shivering on the ground in a fetal position, but you’d have to be an absolute idiot if the only question you had when When Mitt Romney Came to Town is over was which one of the other Republicans you were going to vote for!
 

“Do you like mustard?”

Well, well, well… look who is starting to totally lose his shit under fire.

Watching this brief clip of Mitt Romney’s obnoxious encounter with an uninsured woman at a town hall in Bedford, NH last night, I wanted to puke… all over Mitt Romney.

Via Crooks and Liars:

The uninsured voter, a woman who seemed desperate for some words of hope regarding her lack of healthcare insurance. Instead of any hint of compassion - or even an actual response to her need for healthcare - Romney brushed the woman off with a grin and what seemed to be a jab at Obamacare before he cast his gaze elsewhere.

“When you signed into law Romneycare, I was excited,” the woman said. “You seemed proud to do that. And then when the country copied you, it just seemed like there was hope for people like me.”

“How have you done since then?” Romney asked flippantly, talking over her.

“I don’t have health care, sir, and I’m scared,” she said.

“That tells you something doesn’t it?” Romney said. “Tells you something.”

Really? Like what, you fucking idiot?

I’m pretty dense, you need to spell it out for me better…

And what was Romney trying to prove by so rudely talking over this woman? What did this gain for his campaign (besides blog posts like this one)? I don’t think he’ll get her vote and chances are he lost many more as a result of this exchange being captured on video.

Why doesn’t Romney just give up all pretense of empathy with common Americans and start wearing ascots and silk smoking jackets to campaign in? Let America see the real Mitt Romney, lighting his Cuban cigars with $20 bills?

It’s hilarious to watch this toff implode like this, isn’t it? It’s like he’s coming apart at the seams in full view of the media as his opponents relentlessly bash him. So great to see.

There’s nothing quite like Republican schadenfreude. It’s a gift. Savor it.
 

 
Have you seen the excerpt yet from the film that pro-Gingrich Super PAC “Winning Our Future” bought from former Mitt Romney associate, Jason Killian Meath, the same guy who made most of the pro-Romney ads during his failed 2008 bid for the Republican nomination?

A clip a little less than 3-minutes from When Mitt Romney Came to Town is making the rounds today, but it won’t be until the GOP candidates have moved on to the South Carolina primary that the full 27-minute film will be aired on television. This one looks like it’s going to be pretty nasty, I must say.

The funny thing is, judging from the excerpt from this video, it’s not just Romney per se who gets excoriated here, Capitalism itself that doesn’t fare so well, either. I thought all Republicans were for unfettered free market economics and all that malarkey, but this video ends up making a very different case as it bludgeons Romney over the head…

“Capitalism made America great. Free markets. Innovation. Hard work. The building blocks of the American dream. But in the wrong hands, some of those dreams can turn into nightmares.”

That’s already quite apparent to many Americans.

If it takes putting big money behind what ends up seeming like an anti-capitalist message to burn Mitt Romney to the ground, I suppose that makes it all okay in Newt’s mind. I can’t see how a message like this will fail to kick the shit out of Romney in South Carolina. I don’t think it will do a damned thing for Newt’s sagging political fortunes, but then again, Gingrich himself probably suspects the same (and doesn’t give a fuck, either). He’s one mean hombre, as Romney is about to find out!

“It turns out that there are some things that if you describe them they’re negative. If you accurately describe some things they are negative,” Gingrich told Politico.

Yeah, like late-stage, predatory capitalism…

This is big fun, though, isn’t it? A Mexican stand-off with two Republicans? You gotta love it.

Since I hate both of them with equal disdain, all I can say is “My name is Richard Metzger and I approve this message” This is gonna get good.
 

 
What could be a worse insult than this from those fine folks at Fox News?

A picture of Jerry Sandusky standing in for Mittens, perhaps?
 

 
Via Media Matters

 
Mitt Romney just can’t get a break. Right after officially announcing his presidential exploratory committee on Monday, Romney got smacked in the face (hard) with one of his greatest accomplishments as Governor of Massachusetts: near universal health insurance coverage for the state’s residents (and the model for “Omabacare”). The smack-down came via the unveiling of an especially damaging viral video prepared by Massachusetts Democrats. In the video (see below), Romney, speaking with Chris Matthews, clearly proud of this absolutely wonderful and noble legislative achievement, comes off like the kind of Democrat many of us (being serious here) wish Obama was…

Obviously this will not do Gov. Romney any favors in the GOP primaries! Get used to seeing this same footage often.

And then, to compound this embarrassing hoisting by his own petard episode, the results of a new national CNN poll show Romney, once the presumed front runner, is now coming in fourth in polling, behind Mike Huckabee (who’s probably not running anyway), Donald Trump (tell me that doesn’t sting) and Sarah Palin, who everybody knows has no chance of getting the nomination in this space-time continuum (and who is probably not running anyway). If this poll is to be believed, now Romney has even less of a chance of winning than someone widely regarded as having none??? Meanwhile Trump’s popularity amongst likely GOP voters doubles in a month!

After coming out of the gate so strong, already Mitt’s already down there wallowing with Newt in “no-hoper” territory??? Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch and double ouch! Romney must feel like he’s been cursed. The first fuckin’ Republican to come along in decades to do something nice for the common man and now he’s unelectable!

Serves him right for being such a hypocrite.
 

 
And as if you need any more evidence of what a massive hypocrite Romney is, this blast from the past will surely erase all doubt about the man and his deeply *cough* held *cough* convictions.