Ughhhhh, remember Crossfire, that farcical program of political theater that purported to encourage debate by having two politically opposed positions parley in an absurd performance of umbrage? If not, you’re not missing much. The format was stupid, and it flattened politics to a kind of idiotic spectator sport. However, given the right guests, it could be damned entertaining. Take this episode featuring Pat Buchanan and Mojo Nixon duking it out over record censorship—frankly, I’m shocked Pat took the bait! There is some choice pearl-clutching from a Missouri state representative Jean Dixon—heavy supporter of Tipper Gore’s censorship sewing circle, the PMRC, but this was well past their heyday, and Mojo’s clearly the star of this show. 

Look, we all know who gave the most beautiful and inspiring statement against censorship, and that is John Motherfucking Denver (no facetiousness—much respect to the late Country Boy), but there’s something so much more appropriate about Mojo Nixon in this format. Pat “The-Holocaust-Wasn’t -Really-That-Bad” Buchanan does not deserve an impassioned speech on behalf of “Rocky Mountain High.” Pat Buchanan deserves to debate the man who wrote such classics as “Don Henley Must Die,” and “Debbie Gibson Is Pregnant with My Two-Headed Love Child.”

Obviously I’m biased, but I’d say Mojo wins the debate, mainly because Buchanan loses his cool, while Nixon is appropriately and unapologetically manic from the get-go. Perhaps Pat is just jealous of Mojo’s lush head of hair???

Parts two and three.
 

 
Via Watch This Thing

 
I had heard rumors from some of my DC-based friends that right-wing gadfly Pat Buchanan had some super-weird barber who burnt his hair with a match. After hearing the same rumor in the documentary Mansome, a light-hearted flick about male grooming, I had to look it up. Well, lo and behold! Here we have video of DC barber, Pietro Santoro, who burns the ends of his clients’ coifs—or what remains of it—with a match to give thinning hair the illusion of fullness. With no fanfare or introduction, we see the Republican firebrand come in around 1:06 to get some fire applied to what’s left of his hair.

Pietro’s English is a little spotty, and the subtitles, though humorous, aren’t very helpful. However, I personally can actually attest to the efficacy of burning hair! The punk thing to do in my old town was to singe your bangs, which we discovered when trying to light cigarettes on the stove. If your hair was perfectly straight, you got this choppy, fried look—think Siouxsie Sioux. Since my hair has a lot of texture, it gave me dead-on Joey Ramone fringe. Once you got past the fear of burning your face off and got used to the smell of burning hair, you had a quick and free way to get a cool, ragged look!

Who knew Pat Buchanan was so punk rock?