A 2012 South American television interview with KISS has recently surfaced in which the band demands an embarrassed journalist to remove his Iron Maiden t-shirt before interviewing them.

We’ve come to expect such extreme assholism from Gene, but Paul actually starts this one off by refusing to answer the first question, but instead chastising the interviewer, “KISS is spelled K-I-S-S, (points at interviewer’s Iron Maiden shirt) this does not spell KISS, Gustavo. You made a big mistake.”

The interviewer defends his sartorial choice, saying “I picked this shirt to interview you guys… it’s not cool to wear a KISS shirt to a KISS interview.”

The band disagrees, with Gene chiming in “I don’t want him wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt,” and then demands that the interviewer wear the shirt inside-out.

The members of KISS seem to be so far up their own asses with their branding, that they treat the interviewer as if he had worn a Burger King t-shirt to an interview with the CEO of McDonald’s. The fake Peter Criss, who believes bands are like sports teams, later adds: “If you went to a Raider’s game, you wouldn’t wear the other team’s uniform.”

The members of KISS apparently have missed the difference between fandom and corporate sponsorship. One could argue that the band is playing around here, but they come off as quite serious and the interviewer is obviously embarrassed about the situation, though he tried to remain professional and play it off. They are literally telling other people what they can or cannot wear JUST TO SPEAK TO THEM.

Paul condescendingly chides the interviewer: “Gustavo is very smaaart. ‘How I get a KISS t-shirt for free?’ You show up with the wrong t-shirt.” 

Gene says “He don’t understand,” with the interviewer replying “I do, I do,” to which Gene retorts insultingly, “you’re twelve, you’re new.”

Paul tells the journalist that “you’re in our house” and that he “doesn’t show respect.”

“We also have a t-shirt that says ‘I don’t understand,’ you can wear that,” adds Gene.

Gene then makes the interviewer take his shirt off and turn it inside out before the fake Peter Criss comes along with a XXXL KISS shirt that they force Guatavo to wear.

Aside from Sharon’s dancing circus bear act, Ozzy, no other band holds a candle to the grandiose legacy-pissing done by KISS.
 
Watch it, after the jump…

 
Hot on the heels of yesterday’s KISS-related post comes yet another, but I just had to get this off my chest…

This morning an article from Culturemap Austin found its way into my newsfeed with the headline: “KISS members shake up Texas with new rock ‘n’ roll restaurant venture.” It contained a photograph of Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons, both in their 60s, standing behind several plates of Applebees-esque “comfort food.” The pair were promoting their new restaurant Rock & Brews, as the article went on to explain:

The restaurant and entertainment concept, founded by two rockers with infamous reputations, is a family-friendly space serving up “American comfort food” and a wide selection of beer. The decor is heavily inspired by rock ‘n’ roll music and includes concert lighting and music-themed art.

“We spend a lot of time performing in large venues while on tour, and we are proud to be part of the AT&T Center renovations to enhance the fan experience,” said Stanley, who will perform the national anthem at the December 11 game.

Rock & Brews is just one facet of the $110 million AT&T Center renovation completed in October. Other updates include new seating, streamlined entryways, additional concession options, and a more modern look.

 

 
Granted the members of KISS are successful businessmen in their 60s, and granted they are widely known for their crass marketing of anything they can put the KISS name on, but I’ll be honest, as a lifelong fan, the article bummed me out—really for no other reason than because it just seemed so goddamned uncool.

And yes, I know this sort of thing is nothing new for Gene and Paul, but somehow it hit me harder than normal today. Here’s the band I grew up with, who were the epitome of everything cool when I was a kid. Not just the music and the makeup and the outfits and the blood and the fire… there was a whole mystique there.

When we were kids we believed that KISS really had the magical powers we saw in KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park. We believed that their name really stood for “Knights In Satan’s Service.” We believed that Gene Simmons had a cow’s tongue grafted onto his own. We believed that Gene had once stomped on Shaun Cassidy’s face onstage with his dragon boots. All of these (bullshit) things we believed in because KISS were a mystery. They were cool.
 

 
As my favorite Luis Buñuel quote goes, “Mystery is the essential element of every work of art.”

Now, do I really think that the bands we thought were cool as kids owe it to their fans to stay cool forever? Not really, no. I mean, we all grow up. We figure out that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy aren’t real. If the Demon and the Starchild want to open a rock and roll version of a fucking Chili’s in a giant corporate complex, then they should do that. It’s their gig. If I have a problem with that being uncool, then, sure, that’s MY problem.

But still, it feels like a bummer. These were my childhood idols, man.
 

 
In many ways, the genie (no pun intended) is already out of the KISS bottle. All the bullshit marketing aside… All the reunion tours with stand-in members wearing Peter and Ace’s make-up aside… As soon as you do a reality show, THAT’S IT. The mystery is gone forever. Ozzy set the precedent and Gene followed. Shit, Dee Snider too. The Prince of Darkness, The Demon, The Twisted Sister… they can’t be gods anymore. They’re exposed as middle-aged schlubs with boring family problems like the rest of us. You don’t get to go back to being cool after that. Why not open an “American Comfort Food” joint? That’s as cool as it gets from here on out.

Something tells me Paul and Gene are OK with that and they certainly don’t give a shit whether or not some blogger at Dangerous Minds thinks they’re cool or not. And they shouldn’t.

Still, I was thinking about this new restaurant and the kinds of things KISS does today to promote their brand (like appearing in Walmart commercials), versus how they promoted their brand in the early days—when they were still cool.

I remembered one of my favorite cool KISS stories. It’s the tale of a really neat Little Rascals-style promotional stunt that KISS pulled off in 1975. This was right as the band were poised to become huge megastars right after the release of Alive!.
 

 
The band had heard that a high school football team in Cadillac, Michigan were KISS fans who played their music in the locker room before games. KISS adopted the Cadillac High Vikings as “their team” and visited the high school to play their Homecoming. The entire town embraced the young band and declared a “KISS Day,” with a parade and the members receiving the key to the city. When you look at photos from that event, it’s hard to tell if it was a cooler thing for the band or the town. Maybe it was a wash. It was great promotional gimmick for the group and I’m sure the kids in Cadillac have never forgotten the experience. The photographic evidence indicates that everyone was having the time of their lives. Now THAT’s cool.

These 1975 Cadillac, Michigan photos (uploaded to the “70s KISS” Facebook page) kill me:
 

 

 

 

‘KISS 1975 vs KISS in 2015: Do they owe it to their fans to remain ‘cool’?’ continues after the jump…

 
In 2000 Paul Stanley taped a commercial for Folgers coffee that never made it to air—it’s been hotly sought after for video scavengers ever since. Audio of the commercial has been on YouTube since 2008, but not the video. Yesterday, a YouTube user named John DiMaggio uploaded it for all to see. It’s a bizarre commercial set in a big top circus tent that doesn’t play to Stanley’s delirious, voluble strengths—in other words, why is Paul Stanley in this commercial and not Paul Williams? No reason that I can see.

The same year that he shot the commercial, Stanley discussed the commercial in an interview: “Life is strange. I got a call asking if I was interested in singing a Folgers commercial. And, like many other things, I thought, ‘Why not?’ I wasn’t at all concerned with who thinks it is okay or not okay, cool, not cool, rock ‘n’ roll or not. I had a blast doing it, and, like I said, isn’t that what this is all about?”

The word (as related by John DiMaggio) is that “focus groups asked ‘who is the old, creepy guy?’ and the agency pulled it.” Seems plausible enough. The soft-focus business with the trapeze artists reminds me of nothing so much as a Cialis commercial.
 

 
via Ultimate Classic Rock/Thank you Annie Zaleski!

Why?

Sorry folks, I couldn’t help myself: Here’s 45 minutes of Paul Stanley stage banter. Or, better yet, 45 minutes of pure fucking hell!

As WFMU described it via Twitter:

Great for ruining parties and torturing anyone who’s trying to sleep.

I’d have to agree.
 

 
“Episode 1. Paul gives me advice about the ladies and makes an offer.”

True story: Sometime in 2004, I was returning to my car in the parking lot of a CVS drugstore in Sherman Oaks, California (the one with “The Party Store,” the Marie Callendar’s restaurant and the really good dry cleaners on Ventura Blvd. & Willis Ave., for all you locals).

Just as Paul Stanley and his son, who was maybe 6-years-old at the time, were leaving “The Party Store,” two transgendered women were walking in.

The kid looked them and when the door automatic doors had closed behind them, he asked his father the rock star, “Dad were those GUYS???”

Stanley, with a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face that I will never forget said softly: “I don’t know, son” and then quickly changed the topic to “Hey, this is going to be a really great party, tomorrow, huh?”
 

 
Via Kembra Pfahler/Howie Pyro