Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: When England-based Lewis Flint was just 16 years old, he thought it would be hilarious to get a Henry the Hoover tattoo right above his penis. Yes, you heard me, a freakin’ vacuum cleaner. Apparently the tattoo gag worked for a while, as Flint was the talk of town and the ladies really dug it. He got his Henry hoovered constantly!

But now that Flint is 21 years old, he’s starting to rethink the wisdom of his Henry the Hoover tattoo:

When I first got it done aged 16 I couldn’t stop getting it out, I got loads of attention and I was a bit of a local hero, I loved it. But I was with a girl recently and I liked her, things were going well until we got naked. When she saw it she said ‘what’s that? I am off!’ I was gutted, I never thought I would regret my tattoo when I got it done.

Naturally Flint wanted the tattoo removed:

When I think about that night the girl walked out it does haunt me and puts me off showing it to other women in the future. I know laser removal is painful but never getting laid again would be more painful.

 
Sadly, Flint tried to go through the laser removal process and found the whole thing to be too painful:

The thought of that going round near my balls is unbearable. I don’t know how people put up with 20 minutes of it. Laser is too painful for me to get rid of this tattoo, I am going to have to put up with it.

So it’s Henry the Hoover for life, I suppose. Perhaps he can cover it up with an even larger tat of the Kool-aid Guy?

via WOW

Dick Cheney as the devil tattoo (with the Microsoft “Zune” symbol showing through his head. This tattoo belongs to this guy).
 
I’ve really got a pretty sweet treasure trove of eye candy for you today here on DM. In my downtime, I have to admit one of my guilty pleasures is perusing the Internet for images of tattoo art. As much as I love how getting inked has been elevated to a high art form over the past few decades or so, I’m also a sucker for the folks that end up with terrible renditions of Looney Tunes characters or message tattoos with forever typos like “no regerts.”
 

Former Prime Minister of the UK, Margaret Thatcher as an ice cream cone tattoo
 
Some of my favorite tattoo whoopsies are of the ever popular Chinese fonts that are picked at random from a tattoo flash book by an unwitting client. I’ve had many a good Simpsons-flavored “HA-HA’s” seeing someone who was under the impression that the cute symbol on their arm said “friendship.” However, when translated properly actually advertises that you are “bad looking, ugly or unclean.” Ah, linguistics. Live it, love it, and for fuck’s sake learn it before you get a tattoo involving words.
 

Saddam Hussein portrait tattoo. Ironically, during his reign, Hussein was known to imprison tattooed Iraqis as he believed tattoos were an “imitation” of western culture
 
In many cases, I was not surprised when I Googled a particular despots name along with the word “tattoo” and found not one, but many different varieties of ink-jobs that ran the gamut from A+ for execution to F for why???. Of course, it makes perfect sense that a former Soviet Army soldier might be sporting a Stalin tattoo on his back. Gulag prisoners from the past would also get the portraits of Karl Marx, Friedrich Engels, Vladimir Lenin, and Joseph Stalin tattooed on their chests in the hope it would protect them from firing squads.

But why would anyone ever put a tattoo of Dick Cheney on their body? Is it an accurate depiction of Mr. Cheney? Sure. But it’s also a strong chick repellant (and people in general repellant for that matter). Despots, dopes and Dicks may come and go, but tattoos are (almost always) forever.
 
Heinrich Himmler, Sarah Palin, the Ayatollah Khomeini and more fun tattoos after the jump…

 
Have you ever heard of NAPSA? NAPSA is the National Association for the Preservation of Skin Art, and their mission is to find ways to preserve meaningful and distinctive tattoo work past the lifespan of the person it’s tattooed on. On September 18 at the Biggest Tattoo Show on Earth in Las Vegas, NAPSA made its introductory presentations to the tattooing community. As NAPSA says on its site, “Whether you have spent countless hours and large sums of money on your tattoos or you have a few especially meaningful pieces, the labor and stories behind your tattoos can now carry on for future generations to experience.”

Since it inevitably touches on both vanity and mortality, tattoo preservation can be a touchy and awkward topic to discuss, but serious tattoo artists and collectors are starting to ask the question, “Is there any way we can preserve this work that means so much to us?”

NAPSA is a non-profit membership association, with the goal of providing certain services to members, which include “preserving skin art on a wide scale with the ability to pass it on to loved ones.” To join NAPSA, the initiation fee is $115, plus yearly dues of $60 (dues cover preservation of one tattoo (about the size of a chest piece), and each additional tattoo is an additional $100 one time initiation fee depending on size).

It may be that an annual fee isn’t the right model, although its attraction to a fledgling group desperate for capital isn’t hard to understand. Some members may prefer paying a one-time fee at the time of death/burial. A Dutch entrepreneur and tattooer named Peter van der Helm has started a business that achieves parallel goals.

Obviously, this process, which is intended to kick in only after a given tattoo lover passes away, involves the participation of funeral homes and similar entities. If the mortuary service of the deceased NAPSA member refuses to honor the process, NAPSA has a master embalmer on staff to advocate on behalf of the deceased member. As time passes, it’s expected that the network of reliable NAPSA-approved funeral homes will increase.

NAPSA faces a bunch of challenges, not the least of which is attempting to unify a fractious, independent-minded group like tattoo lovers. As Marisa Kakoulas says, “In my experience working with the tattoo industry for almost 15 years, I can say that it is an incredibly difficult task to properly represent the interests of artists and collectors across the country, as the laws (such as zoning) differ, not just from state to state, but among local jurisdictions.”

Here are some samples from NAPSA’s website. For any of the images below, clicking will get you a larger view.
 

“Death Before Dishonor,” J.R. Tubbs
 

“Cleveland Street,” Al Garcia
 
Many more after the jump…

Kurt Cobain
 
I know fully well beauty is in the eye of the beholder. HOWEVER, some of these tattoos of rock stars and musicians are absolutely jaw-dropping, in my opinion. To put it kindly, I feel they lack a certain… well… something. Something is what they lack, but I’ll leave the appropriate adjective up to you.

I have a sneaking suspicion a few of these were either lost bets or drunken mishaps. I don’t know what could possibly be to blame for wanting a geriatric Mick Jagger etched into your flesh for the rest of your life. Still the blame for some (most?) of them would have to rest squarely on the shoulders of the artist responsible. Like the guy who said “Sure I can do Dave Grohl. I’ve done hundreds of Dave Grohls” to the hapless fool who walked into his shop that day (see below). And the Jimi tat. Ooph. Tragic.

Now some of you readers may really dig a few of these tattoos and think I’m dead wrong. So it goes with art. It’s all subjective.
 

Marc Bolan
 

SLAYER
 

Joe Strummer
 

Iggy Pop
 

Kate Bush
 

Jimi Hendrix
 
More tattoos after the jump…
 

Isobel Varley
 
For his series Rebels Without A Pause, British photographer Muir Vidler captured the most daring and stylish renegades “of a certain age.” Muir seems to specialize in surreal portraiture, extreme events and settings with the odd flash of quiet. Other series include Israeli death metal fans, a circumcision party in the Maldives, and a beauty pageant in Libya, complete with a cameo by the late Colonel Gaddafi. His elder rebel study however, has an intimate feel, with little sense of spectacle to the staging.

Take for example, Isobel Varley (above), who held the Guinness World Record for the most tattooed female pensioner up until her death just this last May at the age of 77. Varley only started getting tattoos at 48, but went on to cover every square inch of her body except her face, her ears, the soles of her feet, and parts of her hands—even her scalp is tattooed, underneath the cute blond coif. Varley isn’t the only local celeb either. You can see video below of one of Muir’s most charming subjects, Paul Elvis Chan, who used to perform his Elvis impersonation act before a delighted audience at his Chinese restaurant.

My favorite though is Danny Lynch—aka, the Great Stromboli, who did his fire-breathing act for Muir with his adorable wife in the background. Muir remembers her as very hospitable:

Yeah, she was going into the house to make a cup of tea. She said, “Cup of tea darling?”, I said OK, then all of a sudden he was blowing fire and she was dashing off to put the kettle on. With the dog and the station wagon in the photo too, it was a very suburban backdrop.

Isn’t it so terribly quaint?
 

 

Mick and Peggy Warner, whose son is a Teddy Boy
 

John G. Byrne, gay skinhead since 1969
 

Sid Ellis, who says “In my spare time I either go to fetish clubs or do needlepoint. I like medieval tapestries.”
 
Continues after the jump…

 
Holy Crap! I would never do this, but I do get why someone would have their entire arm festooned with scenes and characters from John Carpenter’s 1986 film Big Trouble in Little China. I love that film. I don’t know exactly how many times I’ve seen it. More than ten. And apparently I’m not the only fan, as this arm sleeve tattoo is a flesh-etched testament to.

The Big Trouble in Little China tattoos were done by Paul Acker who owns Deep Six Tattoo in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. It’s still a work in progress, as more tattoos and the finishing touches are being added.
 

 

 
More images after the jump…
 

 
The Instagram account The Simpsons Tattoo is surprisingly delightful. I’m not shocked that a lot of people have body art inspired by the show, but it is a little unexpected that 1) these tattoos are done so well (as opposed to tragic crust-punk poke-and-stick) and 2) there are so many deep cuts (no pun intended). Fan tattoos of most cartoons tend to obsess over main characters and pivotal moments, but Simpsons fans may just be a more esoteric breed; so much of the work curated here features secondary, or even tertiary characters. Some of them aren’t even a character, but a bit of iconography (the diagram of the blowfish is particularly inspired).

What’s even more entertaining is your ability as a viewer to identify the most random reference—I haven’t seriously watched the show in years, and I laughed out loud in recognition of some of the one-off jokes that someone was daring and committed enough to permanently adorn themselves with.
 

 

 
More Simpsons ink after the jump…

 
This is one of those “never get a tattoo when you’re drunk” stories: Holly Aston from Birmingham, England, awoke after a drunken party to find she had a very naughty image tattooed on her back.

Holly was just seventeen when she allowed a friend to tattoo her back with a DIY tattoo gun. What had been a laugh the night before wasn’t so funny the next morning when Holly discovered the graphic image was permanently tattooed on her skin. Indeed, she was so horrified that she covered-up the tattoo for two years, even forgoing a holiday to Lanzarote in case the rude design would be seen by her family and friends.

Describing herself as a bit of a “wild child,” Holly told the Birmingham Mail how she had drunken tattoo parties where people drew tattoos on each other.

“It was so easy to buy a tattoo gun off the internet for about £50. You get the full kit of needles and ink and it’s easy to operate, though they give you no instructions about keeping it sterile. We were very lucky not to get an infection or blood poisoning.

“I had tattoo parties with my mates. We’d have some drinks and tattoo each other – it was stupid.

“I let my mates draw whatever they wanted,” sighs Holly. “I have the word ‘Dyke’ on my ankle, and then one drew the penis on my shoulder.

“I knew what they were doing and didn’t mind at the time. It was just a joke and I thought it was funny.

“But then I woke up the next day, looked at it and thought ‘Oh God, what have I done?’.

“The joke was over and it really wasn’t funny anymore.”

Fortunately Holly’s special tattoo has brought her to the attention of a TV show which will now laser the offending image out.

Below some more ill-considered tattoos from across the web...
 

 

 

 
More ill-chosen tattoos after the jump….
 

 
The 1991 discovery of the well-preserved body of a 3,000-year-old corpse revealed (amongst many other things) that ancient humans tattooed their bodies. The mummified body was called “Ötzi the Iceman” after the Ötztal Alps where his remains were found. Ötzi had 50-odd tattoos across his body, which some scientists have suggested may be evidence of an early form of acupuncture—which if true, would put this form of treatment 2,000 years before its first documented appearance in China.

Tattoos have a long and culturally significant history—being used as a sign of initiation, association, clan, tribe, ownership, or sexual and personal liberty.

In Victorian times, upper class women had their bodies tattooed as a symbol of their independence. In her book Bodies of Subversion: A Secret History of Women and Tattoos, Margot Mifflin believes this was a “feminist gesture” with these women “taking control of their bodies when they had little power elsewhere.” Winston Churchill’s mother Jennie had a serpent tattoo around her wrist as a symbol of her feisty independence. However, not all Victorian women who sported tattoos did so willingly. Mifflin reports how some poor women were forcibly tattooed and exhibited in freak shows and carnivals.

The first recorded woman tattooist was Maud Wagner, who was said to have traded a date with her future husband to learn the craft of tattooing. In the 1920s, full body tattoos were popular, but their charm was lost during the 1930’s Depression, only to re-emerge during the late 1940s to 1960s, when they were seen as a symbol of outsider status.

These vintage photographs show tattooed women from early in the 1900s to 1960s.
 

 

 

 
More tattooed ladies, after the jump…
 

 
These Russian bad boys identify their criminal status, loyalty to their clan, their addiction, or length of imprisonment by sporting a particular tattoo.

For example, a snake around the neck signifies drug addiction; stars on collar bones, or epaulettes on shoulders denotes rank and criminal authority; the Madonna and Child (one of the most common) can mean loyalty to a clan, a sign for good luck or to ward off evil, or that this particular gangster has been in jail for a very long time.

There are also those that are personal, names tattooed across knuckles, a ring on a forefinger means “rely on no one but yourself.” Tattoos on fingers can also denote speciality (the thieves cross on middle finger), a tattoo on third finger means has served full sentence from beginning to end, while one on the pinkie means “dark life,” someone who has spent a lot of time in solitary confinement. The skull and crossbones, gun, knife or the letter “K” mean killer.

These images from the forthcoming book Russian Criminal Tattoo Police Files.
 

 

 

 
More tattoos after the jump…
 

 
Fresh off the heels of my post on Frederik Ruysch’s creepy embalming art comes this disgusting/fascinating collection of preserved tattoos from Polish prisoners. Even before you get to the whole “stolen chunks of flesh” part of this collection, I’m always disturbed by the “poke-and-stick” kind of tattooing that most of these appear to be. I’ve seen poke-and-stick done with everything from glass shards to nails, and the “ink” could be anything from ash to a ball-point pen—there’s obviously a high risk of infection. (Not to be a snob, but I had my tattoos done like a respectable person—in a sterile environment by an old biker.)

It’s a crude, primitive art-form, but it’s hard for me to see these pieces, which were a part of some one’s actual body, completely removed from their former humanity. Still, the images are kind of fascinating. There’s basic old school flash, of course, but the juvenile, coarse pornographic images are even more interesting. Not all tattoos, even ones done in prison, represent some deeper meaning or cultural affiliation, but with some of these you have to wonder what possessed some one to risk infection for a dirty little doodle.
 

 

 

 
More tattoos after the jump…
 

 
Well, I’m assuming this is a guy. And I’m also going to assume this tattoo is either the result of a bet he LOST or else just a really creative way to disguise male pattern baldness…

Previously on Dangerous Minds:

Worst rock tattoo of all time

Batshit ‘Brenda’ tattoo

Amputee Dolphin Tattoo

Invasion of the Flesh Etchers: Vintage TV report of Minnesota tattoo convention, 1978

Tattoos from Hell: The only solution is amputation

Man Gets Prince William and Kate Middleton Tattooed on His Teeth

Via Geekologie

Previously on Dangerous Minds:
Worst rock tattoo of all time
Amputee Dolphin Tattoo
Freaky foot tattoo
Man Gets Prince William and Kate Middleton Tattooed on His Teeth
Intense Jack Kerouac tattoo
‘Daughter Country Star Wars’ tattoo
Tattoos from Hell: The only solution is amputation
Arm tattoo looks like you’re shooting a camera

 
Punk rock tattoos are tricky. For a culture so frequently rooted in mocking nostalgia (when not outright eschewing it), tattooing lyrics on yourself could come off a little corny. (GET IT?!?)

However, this beauty, inspired by Descendents’ “I Like Food,” is all that is earnest and sincere about punk rock.  I doff my cap to you, sir, and I doff my cap to food.
 

 
I love this faux-Raymond Pettibon “Henry Rollins tattoo whiteboard” from the always brilliant Brandon Bird. You can order it over at ToptoCo for $20.00 + shipping.

Previously on Dangerous Minds:
Eric Roberts Lunchbox

 
(via Laughing Squid)

 
This is one of those images that’s being passed around on reddit right now. I have no clue whose tattoo this is nor the artist who created it. But yeah, here it is. 

Previously on Dangerous Minds:
Freaky Foot Tattoo

(via Nerdcore)