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Booze shoes: FINALLY liquor-concealing lace-ups! (Unfortunately they’re terrible)
12.30.2014
10:52 am
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As a lover of both drugs and fashion, the idea of booze-filled shoes fulfills a sort of James Bond fantasy of mine, wherein one—that would be me—gets to pretend they’re being classy, but ultimately they’re just getting secretly, stylishly sloshed. Unfortunately, these “Johnnie Tan Leather Brogues” fail in both form and function. First of all, the shoes do not conceal the liquor! Not only is there a peekaboo window on the bottom off the heel, the neck of the mini-bottles poke out from the back! For $489, I want to be able to go to church in those things!

There are aesthetic issues too. The shoes are a promotion for Johnnie Walker (Scottish shoes for Scottish whisky), and while the classic shape of the shoe is pretty unobjectionable, the branding is really heavy-handed. In addition to two mini-bottles of liquor sticking out from your feet, you got the “JW” in large, high-contrast stitching on the back heel, plus the Johnnie Walker “Striding Man” logo on the outer heel. Even if I liked Scotch (which I strongly suspect is actually just a plot to pour bog water into good whisky), I think this would be a little too much of a “walking” advertisement for most people (get it?).

I’ll bet I could produce something more covert (and cuter) by hollowing out a pair of wedges for mini-flasks (and at less than half the price!), but if you’re willing to forgo subtlety altogether, may I suggest a jaunty chapeau de la brewski instead?
 

 

 

 

Posted by Amber Frost
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12.30.2014
10:52 am
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