The failed attempt to raise the Titanic
It sounds stupid to remind people of this simple fact, but the Titanic is gone. It’s history, donezo, finito, it’s an ex-boat, and there’s absolutely nothing we can do to change that fact.
The problem is that it seems to go against one of the core tenets of human nature. This foolish, ingrained belief that we’re the top of the food chain here and thus, with enough ingenuity, cunning and of course, money, we can achieve anything! It should be a pretty optimistic belief. It should be the belief that causes us to solve world hunger or end global warming or any of the thousand proofs that we are not the dominant species here, and that Mother Earth can wipe us out with a shrug.
That doesn’t seem to be how it works, though. Rather than actually focus on what matters, the billionaires colonising the planet seem to be more interested in slightly more trivial matters. Things like owning social media websites, sending Katy Perry into space and, yes, trying to visit the Titanic. As if it hasn’t spent the last century and changed in a place so inhospitable to humans, it makes the Moon itself look like Disneyland.
We all know what happened the last time a billionaire tried to get himself down to the wreck of the Titanic, and fair enough, it was incredibly funny. However, they could have just saved themselves by taking a moment to think, and realising that they were not the first people to think that the Titanic being 12,500 feet under the sea was a trivial matter that any man with crazy enough ideas could get around. In fact, in 1996, someone tried the only idea crazier than going down to the Titanic.
They tried to bring the Titanic back up.
Who in their right mind would try to salvage the Titanic?
The fools behind this Quixotic errand were the RMS Titanic Inc. In fairness to them, they had been visiting the wreck since 1987 to bring back trinkets and small pieces to exhibit in the myriad of Titanic exhibitions in museums around the world, and exhibitions that they ran, to be clear, supply the demand and all that, but after nearly ten years of bringing up plates, watches and bits of luggage, they decided to set their sights a little higher, and bring up an entire section of the outer hull.
It went about as well as you’d think. A number of diesel-filled flotation bags were attached to a three-story high portion of the ship that had come loose from the rest of the vessel during its sinking. Credit to them, they got a lot closer than anyone thought they would, but what they hadn’t accounted for was a storm to hit during the process, and a mere 60 metres from the surface, the ropes attaching the wall to the balloons broke.
Hilariously, they’d planned a grand unveiling with celebrity guests for the day after the expedition. Hope the canapes were worth it. However, they’d gotten so close that they tried again two years later and actually succeeded in salvaging what is now (somewhat unfortunately) known as “The Big Piece” of the Titanic. Fortunately, this seems to have quelled any further attempts to salvage any more of the infamous ship. Further studies of the wreck have shown that the hull has so little integrity left that any real attempt to move it would destroy it outright.
Thus, RMS Titanic Inc resumed their original service. Bringing artefacts back to the surface and nothing more. Any more is playing dice with people’s lives. So I’m sure some other billionaire dickhead will try it again sooner rather than later.