The “sex holiday” Billy Idol went on in 1989 so debauched the army had to be called in
Billy Idol may have had all the punk rock credentials of Billy Ray Cyrus, but let’s be real here, that made him so much cooler because he owned it and didn’t give a shit about optics.
Sure, the music wasn’t groundbreaking, and it was a diluted brand of radio-friendly punk. But if that second one really matters to you, I’ve got news for you. The first is that punk rock has to go mainstream in order to get new people into punk rock. Crass demos aren’t going to make new punk rockers. However, what will make new punk rockers is a guy who looks like a model going on MTV and snarling ‘White Wedding’ while wearing a tank top artfully ripped to show off his abs.
Let’s be real, the pop star life is a lot more fun than the punk rock life. We’ve all read Get In The Van. Would you rather be so broke you have to smear dog food onto slices of Wonder Bread, ball them up and eat them while trying not to taste them, all in the name of authenticity? Or would you rather travel the world playing arenas to thousands of fans, playing music that’s a little bit more commercial?
Especially when, arguably, the stories are even better from the jet-set life. In 1989, Idol was still one of the biggest stars in rock, and unsurprisingly, his personal life was a shambles. He needed somewhere to get away from everything and cool off. Idol sought a place known for its peace, calm and regenerative atmosphere. Somewhere that the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle can leave him be, allow him to reconnect with William Broad, rather than lose himself once more in Billy Idol.
Except he didn’t do any of that, he went to Thailand instead.
The irony of this is that obviously, Thailand can do all of those things if you want to. However, it seems like Idol really, really didn’t. Instead, he went on holiday with all his mates, one that he freely admitted was a “sex holiday”. However, it was one that was going to be drug-free. Not alcohol free, you understand, but he needed a break from all the cocaine he was taking, the poor lamb. It sounds ridiculous, but for the first week, Idol and his friends kept to this.
However, a week of solid boozing gets heavy, and by the time the second week rolled around, they were asking around for some blow. Something got lost in translation, though, and they weren’t supplied with cocaine, but heroin. The strongest around. Clearly, that was a step too far. Obviously, they turned the offer down and kept on looking for plain old cocaine, right? Rarely the sensible option, but it is in this case, right? Oh, you sweet summer child.
Nope. Each of them decided that, since they were in Thailand for a month, they could just get hooked on heroin, then get themselves weaned off it before their flight home. It was, after all, a 14-hour flight back to London and (as we all learned from Trainspotting), heroin makes you constipated. So, they all started doing heroin until the end of the trip, when they started taking tranquillisers to keep themselves off heroin.
Except for Idol himself. Because it turns out, as he explained to Louder, tranquillisers seem to do the opposite to him. “It just made me change personalities completely,” he said. “I would become violent and start smashing things; I’d been lifting weights so I was massively powerful. I think we went through a few hotels like that before the Thai army escorted me out of the country on a gurney.” Exactly the holiday he envisioned, right?
Arrive in Thailand to blow off some steam, leave via army deportation after being blowdarted for destroying a hotel.
You don’t get that with Get in the Van, do you?