There’s really no point whatsoever in me describing this for you, you already know what it is from the title alone. Is mocking low IQ Trump supporters like shooting fish in a barrel? Sure it is, but that makes it no less funny.
Although fewer than 25k people have seen this so far, that’s not going to be the case for long. Despite the fact that it requires a 15 minute investment on your part, Mr. or Ms. Modern American ADD person, it’s worth every second.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog stages a focus group with Trump’s biggest supporters, presenting a series of increasingly outrageous and extremely fake campaign ads, to find out how far they’re willing to go in support of their candidate.
Stay with it. OMG... stay with it till the very end. It builds into a crescendo of idiocy that will have you… in tearsone way or the other!
If you don’t “get it,” well, the joke’s on you, bub.
Though they were among hardcore’s early adopters, the intermittently long-lived Portland punks Poison Idea have remained a connoisseur’s buy, a genre band for people really really into that sort of thing. Their most triumphant flirtation with the great washed knowing that they even existed was when the inarguably uncute band was hilariously selected in June of 1992 to be highlighted in Sassy magazine’s “Cute Band Alert” feature.
CUTE BAND ALERT! The fellow in front went by the name “Pig Champion.” (RIP 2006)
But like many HXC lifers, Poison Idea have soldiered on through breakups, lineup changes, and the indifference of all but their most steadfast devotees. But they may soon find themselves the objects of greater attention, if not outright surveillance: their latest video, for “Calling All Ghosts,” brings hardcore back to its ‘80s I-Hate-Reagan glory by depicting the assassination of GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump. (It was released before the candidate was formally declared the party’s nominee, and so before he qualified for Secret Service protection.) The video’s narrative borrows ideas from The Manchurian Candidate, A Clockwork Orange, and Taxi Driver, showing a hapless rocker dude being brainwashed by a cabal of punks into serving as an assassin, and giving himself a Travis Bickle makeover before engaging in the fateful act.
While we wish the band well in avoiding any undue scrutiny, it’s probably not something to fret about—the ending is ambiguous enough to give the band wiggle room, and besides, by now I imagine there could well be members of Trump’s security detail who’re hoping someone gets a good shot in.
Now that I’ve seen it, it feels like it was inevitable that SOMEONE was going to think of this—a Tumblr user has made a series of image macros captioning the histrionic, toxically vain, not very bright, emotionally abusive, easily threatened and shockingly insensitive GOP Presidential candidate Donald Trump with dialogue from Jane Krakowski’s histrionic, toxically vain, not very bright, emotionally abusive, easily threatened and shockingly insensitive 30 Rock character Jenna Maroney.
Much like in the Trump/Calvin & Hobbes mashup “Donald and Hobbes” (about which we told you not long ago), the fictional character’s lines dovetail frighteningly well with the candidate’s numerous raging pathologies. But the “Donald and Hobbes” strips were cherry-picked for scenarios in which Calvin was being his most awfully self-centered. With these, the pickings were probably a good bit less slim. Really the only way this could be improved would be if some real Trump quotations were thrown in so a game could be made of guessing who actually said what.
I’ve been collecting Residents ephemera since I was in short pants, and I have an unfortunate tendency to start talking like The Simpsons’ Comic Book Guy if some poor soul mentions the band. But I’ve never seen this footage before.
Promoting their appearance at the 1983 New Music America festival in Washington, D.C.—their final performance of the Mole Show, a concert that’s come to be known as the “Uncle Sam Mole Show”—the Residents held a press conference on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, and it’s captured on this camcorder tape.
The Residents at Mount Rushmore, 1981
Given the camera’s proximity to the limo the Residents emerge from at the beginning, the video seems likely to have been shot by someone inside the band’s organization. The members of the group, or four people wearing their eyeball masks and tuxedos with miniature American flags sticking out of the breast pockets, file onto the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in silence, fiddling with their costumes, taking snapshots, and posing for photographers.
Australian comedian Jim Jefferies went viral with his impassioned—and hilariously funny—rant about gun control “Guns Are Not Protection” from his 2014 Netflix standup special Bare. The clip’s been viewed millions of times and sadly racks up millions more with every new gun massacre in America.
Well, Jefferies is about to go viral again with this nailed-it-to-the-fucking-wall breakdown of how Donald Trump plans to fight terrorism by profiling Muslims.
The whole thing is fantastic, and you’ll want to watch it all, but the part that I’m talking about specifically starts at the 4:30 mark. After listening to what he says here, how in the world could anyone with even a spoonful of brains think Donald Trump could possibly keep Americans safe from terrorism? Jefferies demolishes that argument. Pulverizes it. Stomps on it. It’s finished. It’s done.
No one who hears this can possibly unhear what he’s saying here. I don’t care how pro-Trump—or stupid—they might be.
No wonder all the ISIL related websites evince such a decidedly pro-Trump slant! Trump’s doing Allah’s work for him, if you know what I mean (and you surely will after watching Jim Jefferies lay it out so cold here!) Jim Jefferies’ newest streaming Netflix standup special Freedumb is now available.
The Internet was built to make celebrities out of people like YouTube user Steve1989 MREinfo.
This YouTuber has developed a significant following for his video posts showcasing his collection of old military rations. What makes his videos remarkable is the fact that Steve1989 MREinfo EATS the contents of the rations once he opens them on camera. Though these MREs and rations were made to “keep” for years, they were not meant to “keep” for several decades. Most of the videos on Steve1989 MREinfo’s channel depict him eating food that is very obviously no longer edible to regular human beings.
In one recent video Steve1989 MREinfo eats a cracker dating back to 1863. That’s an goddamned old cracker.
You have to appreciate someone who is so into their extremely specialized interest and collection, who literally risks his life to consume food which, in most cases, is likely spoiled. When it comes to obsessing over the history of military food, this guy is the real deal.
Here he tastes some 65-year-old food, which he’s clearly disgusted by:
Michael Galinsky has documented many moments of political tension, from Klan rallies to Occupy Wall Street. Tagging along with a friend who worked for Reuters, Galinsky showed up at the Donald Trump rally in Greensboro, NC on Tuesday. He applied for press credentials as they were driving to the venue, although his plans from the beginning were to shoot something more akin to Jeff Krulik and John Heyn’s “Heavy Metal Parking Lot,” the legendary underground film made in the parking lot of a 1986 Judas Priest concert.
But whereas “Heavy Metal Parking Lot” is bust-a-gut hilarious stuff, Galinsky’s quietly observational footage of the Trump rally will probably just make you sad. He writes:
I had applied too late which was fine, but I still tried to talk my way in because there wasn’t much happening outside. When that didn’t work I sat down in the shade to figure out a plan of action. After about a minute of watching people trickle towards the venue, I heard a man yelling, “White Power!” I grabbed my camera and approached. He was wearing a big cowboy hat and a Willie Nelson shirt with Willie giving us “the finger.” Still, I wasn’t sure if he was being ironic until a minute later when the cops approached. They explained that we as citizens do have “free speech,” but that his incendiary language was dangerous and therefore prohibited. It was kind of a surreal conversation (see the video), and as I listened, it dawned on me that I wasn’t going to be allowed there much longer either. I was right. After they gave him and his friend the heave-ho, I was told I had five minutes to leave. I tried once again to get in with credentials, then I headed for the parking lot.
I often enter these situations with a vague idea of what I plan to shoot but try to remain open to what comes. I ran into a guy selling shirts and talked to him for a bit. They were vulgar, anti-Hilary shirts and people heading into the event loved them. I started to think about the people who sold things at the event and followed this up with another guy selling shirts. A few moments later, I saw a group of people who were representing the Militia Movement. I talked to them for a bit, and then a roving protest showed up. It was a loud mass surrounded by police. Having spent time with the militia guys, I observed the protest from their perspective for a while.
This event was taking place just days after the horrific events in Orlando, and this was largely an LGBTQ-led protest. After having filmed at dozens of protests, I get a little spooked around cops. These guys were generally working with kid gloves, but I still felt a bit unsure about going to shoot with the protesters as they were surrounded by masses of cops. I’m a “non-credentialed” journalist, and as such, I’m more at risk in these situations, so I try to be very cautious. The protesters set up shop across the street, and I made my way across the street to shoot a couple of people being interviewed by a local news channel. I like to shoot media doing interviews because it gives a context to the situation and how that situation is being portrayed.
And now without future explanation, because of course, none is really necessary, witness the pathetic gene pool who support Biff Tannen sorry, er President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho whoops, I mean Donald Trump as they cavort and gather and hoot and holler in “Trump Parking Lot.”
I’ve been waiting for this primo item of Desert Storm-abilia to turn up on YouTube for years, and Lord knows I have waited patiently; for as the Good Book reminds us, “the race is not to the swift” (Ecclesiastes 9:11), and some of these fuckers are anything but swift.
Back in ‘91, Jerry Martin (a/k/a Jerry Buckner) rode the tide of blood unleashed by the first Gulf War all the way to #71 on Billboard’s country chart. I’m still struggling to understand how this epistolary spoken word release qualified as a country song, but I’m going to bet it had something to do with the kinds of radio stations that played it and the obscure regions of our nation to which their signals penetrated. A cassingle issued in a plain gray sleeve, Martin’s “Letter to Saddam Hussein” had little in common with Jello Biafra’s contemporary Gulf War cassingle, “Die for Oil, Sucker,” which pointed out that we might not be fighting for the noblest of causes.
Martin left that kind of thinking to eggheads, Poindexters and Philadelphia lawyers. On his cassingle, he allowed as how he didn’t know much of anything, because being so ordinary, regular and real didn’t leave a lot of time for studies. But there was one thing he did know: our pride would be Saddam’s shame.
I mentioned that Jerry Martin was the pseudonym of Jerry Buckner. Now, I can’t be sure this is theJerry Buckner of “Pac Man Fever” fame, but I do wonder how many vocal talents named Jerry Buckner might plausibly reside in the Atlanta area. To whom was Saddam supposed to address his reply? Whatever, I bet the dictator thought twice about showing his face down south after this tape came out. Cut way down on his trips to Georgia.
Now a quarter-century old—its sleeve no longer the shiny gray I remember from my Sam Goody youth, but the dull gray I see in my Sam Elliott beard—this curiosity fetches outrageous prices on Amazon. I can’t imagine why. I hope it’s because there are a lot of Big Lebowski and Nevermind fans researching the beginnings of American history’s most bogus journey.
Without spoiling the dramatic ending of “Letter to Saddam Hussein,” I can tell you that we kept its promise. Our boys showed Saddam who was boss, thereby transforming the entire Fertile Crescent into a fiery whirlwind of widows’ blood and children’s limbs. Now our boys will be there showing Saddam who’s boss forever!
An unidentified Bible-thumping halfwit and her—get this—twelve children shot cell phone footage of their cringey two-minute dumdum hate parade through a Target store and it’s starting to go viral. The family probably posted it to Facebook themselves (clearly one of her minions held the phone that shot it) but it made its way to YouTube. I could find next to no information about this. There’s not even any information about the location of the Target store or anything else. What you see is what you get.
And what you get is a breathtaking display of idiocy, bigotry and I’m guessing more than a ladleful of severe mental illness. Obviously she is a “Christian” and how much do you wanna bet that she is also a Republican voter? (The GOP wants to curtail voting access for blacks, but this pathological freak is okay with a ballot? And no doubt a gun to protect her family against homos and that Obama, too? Right...)
So what’s going on here is that this… perturbed and disturbed woman is apparently angry that Target allows transgender customers to use bathrooms and changing rooms that correspond to their gender identity, so she brought along her… brood (How much do you wanna bet that they are homeschooled, huh?) and traipsed through a Target whilst hoisting a Bible and annoying everyone in the store who is not one of her blood relatives who she also happened to give birth to.
Maybe the Westboro Baptist Church has some competition? Meet the hateful new Christian kids on the block!
“Attention Target customers… Do not be deceived, Target would have you believe with their Mother’s Day displays that they love mothers and children. This is a deception. This is not love, and they’ve proven it by opening their bathrooms to perverted men. I’m a mother of 12 and I’m very disgusted by this wicked practice.”
Hey look, I’m disgusted by this fucking walking, shouting imbecile factory who feels entitled to bring twelve more genetically deficient morons into the world, yet I’m not inclined to wear such a statement on a sandwich board and walk around like a weirdo outside of this lady’s church. When you’re a Christian in America, though, you don’t need an excuse to wear your hatred (and IQ) so proudly. It’s your birthright!
“Mothers get your children out of this store. Mothers have enough decency to get out of this store, it’s a dangerous place… What Target has done is very hateful. It’s hateful towards families. It’s hateful towards mothers. It’s hateful towards children… Are you gonna let the devil rape your children?”
I thought that was the job of the clergy?
All in all though, as this video makes the rounds today, you have to give this head-shakingly ridiculous woman credit for all of the minds she changed with her goofy self-righteous God-bothering tirade. Not the way she intended to change them, but still. Bless.
In an image that’s making its way across the webiverse this week, an unfortunate (possibly Parrothead) bro was photographed passed out in a nasty-ass piss-trough. As many commenters have noted, this is one of the most disgusting photos to turn up on the Internet in a while. I believe it touches a nerve for many because if we don’t perhaps see a bit of ourselves in this poor sap, we probably at least know that guy.
As the image spread, the Internet wasted no time at all in identifying the restroom in question. Redditors named the location as Pavlov’s in Columbia, SC.
As a South Carolinian and graduate of the University of South Carolina (Go Cocks!), I’m quite familiar with Pavlov’s. I work practically next door to the place. That joint has been around forever and has cemented a reputation as THE local establishment for frat dudes to get absolutely shit-hammered as quickly as humanly possible. I’ve been to this place, often by drunken accident, and I can attest to it being a living fucking nightmare. Unless, of course, you’re a Southern frat guy looking to get blasted on Fireball shots and maybe get in on a little watersports action.
Now, you might know frat dudes, but if you’re not from the South you may not be familiar with a very special brand of frat dude that we grow down here. Imagine all the worst cliches of obnoxious muscle-headed frat guy behavior and then filter that through all the worst cliches of Confederate flag-wavin’, NASCAR-lovin’, pickup truck-drivin, drawl-speakin’, nouveau-riche redneckery. South Carolina frat culture is the cesspool whose greatest contribution to the world thusfar has been Hootie and the Blowfish. Well, at least up until now. Now we have them to thank for both Hootie AND piss-trough guy.