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There’s a book of ‘beautiful’ (but strictly unauthorized) poetry by Donald Trump and it’s a hoot
11.13.2017
10:47 am
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Apparently, Donald Trump has unwittingly produced a book of poetry. Not just your run-of-the-mill rhyming couplets or iambic pentameter, but short sentences artfully clipped from speeches, Tweets, and interviews and then edited by Rob Sears. The resulting work reveal the “little known alternative fact that the 45th President, Donald J. Trump, has long been a remarkable poet.”

Who knew? you may well ask. Nobody, that is, until now.

With The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump, renowned fiction and comedy writer Sears hopes to redress this glaring oversight by the literary world and show that Trump is no slouch, no dunderhead, “no fabulous whiner,” when it comes to the aesthetic and rhythmic qualities of language, but “a modern-day Basho or Larkin” with smaller hands.

As Sears explains in his introduction to this “groundbreaking” collection of verse:

The greatest misapprehension about DJT corrected by this volume, however, may be the idea that he sees money and power as ends in themselves. In fact, just as Wilfred Owen turned his wartime experiences into poetry, and Slyvia Plath found the dark beauty in her own depression, Trump is able to transform his unique experiences of being a winner into 24-karat verse. He didn’t build a huge real-estate empire for the billions; he did it so he could write poems…

Not that anyone normal would ever recognize this from Trump’s rambling, incoherent, monosyllabic outpourings, but somehow Sears has toiled heroically to cut and reorder the President’s pronouncements into “a trove of beautiful verse waiting to be discovered.”

I can see that you don’t believe him, or me. Well, here are just a few of the many delights waiting to be discovered in The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump:

I won!

Well, we’ve had some disasters, but this is the worst

Bad hombres

I’ve known some bad dudes
I’ve been at parties
They want to do serious harm
I’ve seen and I’ve watched things like with guns
I know a lot of tough guys but they’re not smart
We’re dealing with people like animals

But they are the folks I like the best—by far!

I am the least racist person there is

I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks
I remained strong for Tiger Woods during his difficult
period
Oprah, I love Oprah. Oprah would always be my first choice
Kanye West—I love him
I think Eminem is fantastic, and most people think I
wouldn’t like Eminem
And did you know my name is in more black songs than any
other name in hip-hop?
You are the racist, not I

I respect women, I love women, I cherish women

Vagina is expensive
No more apologies—take the offensive!

Hot little girl in high school

I’m a very compassionate person (with a very high IQ)
Just think, in a couple of years I’ll be dating you
It must be a pretty picture, you dropping to your knees
Come here, I’ll show how life works. Please.

We’ve got to stop the stupid

You know what uranium is, right?
It’s a thing called nuclear weapons and other things like lots
of things that are done with uranium including some bad
things
I have to explain this to these people, they don’t even understand basic
physics, basic mathematics, whatever you call it
I mean, they’re like stupid

Look at the way I’ve been treated lately

I should have been TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year
Just like I should have gotten the Emmy for The Apprentice
I should have easily won the Trump University case
I should have won New York state but I didn’t
I unfairly get audited by the I.R.S. almost every
single year
No politician in history—and I say this with great surety—
has been treated worse or more unfairly

The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump is published by Canongate.
 

Posted by Paul Gallagher
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11.13.2017
10:47 am
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Greedheads, preying priests and oligarchs: The politically-charged surrealist paintings of Ole Fick

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‘Red Alert.’
 
You may have heard of Postman Pat or rather, “Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat and his black and white cat.” If you know what I’m talking about, then you’ll know how goddamned difficult it is to say “Postman Pat” without singing the show’s catchy little jingle.

Anyway, Postman Pat is a kids’ series on British TV that’s been running long enough for the big-nosed puppet Pat to claim his pension. It’s been so successful the series has been sold to who knows how many different countries across the world. One day, no doubt, there will a gathering of all the world’s bigwigs at the UN who will suddenly agree on global peace and prosperity after bursting into several rousing renditions of the Postman Pat theme tune.

Ole Fick is the Danish actor who provides the voice for the series in Denmark where it’s known as Postmand Per. Fick has voiced a whole bunch of kids TV and movie imports as far back as Disney’s The Aristocats,. As an actor, he’s starred in quite a few big screen movies and acclaimed TV series.

But acting is just one of the many things with which Fick (b. 1948) has achieved great success in his life. He’s also well-known as a comic who has worked alongside comedy duo Monrad & Rislund—think Rowan and Martin or Morecambe and Wise. He writes kids’ books and draws cartoons. But Fick’s probably best known in Denmark as singer and guitarist with the jazz-funk-prog rock band Burnin Red Ivanhoe—who coincidentally celebrate their 50th anniversary this year.

If this weren’t enough to make you want to re-evaluate your own productivity, Fick is a painter who since 2010 has been exhibiting his surreal and satirical paintings across Denmark to considerable success. Fick paints pictures of the various kinds of deluded men who seem to have an overly large part in running the world. The men who feast on havoc and chaos, exploitation and greed. Fick’s paintings are chronicles of the world in which we all live—between the devourer and the devoured—where manners and etiquette don’t soften the damage done. See more of Fick’s work here.
 
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‘Something is Rotten.’
 
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‘Soft Cut.’
 
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‘Epiphany.’
 
See more of Ole Fick’s paitnings, after the jump…
 

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Posted by Paul Gallagher
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11.10.2017
08:36 am
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Shirley Temple’s brutal death metal rendition of ‘On the Good Ship Lollipop’
11.10.2017
08:08 am
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Shirley Temple, “America’s Sweetheart,” on the cover of the sheet music for “On the Good Ship Lollipop,” which sold over 400,000 copies in its day.
 
Shirley Temple, the curly-haired moppet who ruled the Depression-era box office, first sang her signature song, “On the Good Ship Lollipop,” in the 1934 movie Bright Eyes where it became a beloved, wholesome American standard.

This week, vocalist Dori Kreisz from Hungary! and composer/musician Andy Rehfeldt took that beloved, wholesome standard and rendered it brutal as all fuck.

Rehfeldt is also responsible for the death metal versions of “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,”  “Jolene,” and “You’re the One That I Want” that we’ve written about before here at Dangerous Minds.

The dubbed video, using footage from Bright Eyes, really works because of Temple’s exaggerated expressions as she sings. 

If you can’t get enough of these, you can see more of Andy’s work on his YouTube Channel.
 

 

Posted by Christopher Bickel
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11.10.2017
08:08 am
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‘Woodshock ‘85’: Richard Linklater’s first short film featuring a young Daniel Johnston


By the time we got to Woodshock we were half a dozen strong…
 
Before it became “The Live Music Capital of the World,” Austin, Texas was home to an alternative music festival known as Woodshock. A quip on the “Aquarian Exposition” of a similar name, the punk rock beer-bust was first held in Waterloo Park in 1981. Fourteen local Texan bands played for over six hours, which was interrupted by a massive sprinkler raid indicating the park’s curfew. The event’s inaugural poster was designed by a pre-Jesus Lizard David Yow, who desecrated the classic Woodstock dove by flipping it upside-down with XX’s in its eyes and a toe tag. Peace and Love, my ass.
 

 
In 1983, the event moved to Hurlbut Ranch in Dripping Springs, located in the hills just outside of Austin. The site had once hosted events like the 1972 Dripping Springs Reunion, initially dubbed the “Super Bowl of Country Music” until low attendance proved it to be a massive commercial failure. Willie Nelson, who played the Reunion, was inspired by the event and hosted his first annual 4th of July Picnic in Dripping Springs the following year. Unlike its site predecessors, Woodshock would bring with it a different element from the Texas music scene: the punks, freaks, and weirdos that, as the popular local bumper sticker says “Keep Austin Weird.”
 
The uneven dirt roads that led to the Hurlbut Ranch made Woodshock a festival that was nearly impossible to get to. Some could say its inaccessibility was a blessing in disguise, as isolation and expanse, in addition to access to legendary watering holes, encouraged a certain free-form insanity that in ways mimicked the spirit of Woodstock itself. This must be what it felt like to take the brown acid.
 

 
Woodshock 1985 included performances by local (and otherwise) musicians Daniel Johnston, Texas Instruments, Dharma Bums, the U-Men, Glass Eye, Cargo Cult (fronted by Biscuit of Big Boys), The Reivers, Poison 13, and the festival’s unofficial mascot, The Hickoids. Several of the groups were part of Austin’s growing post-postmodernist, or “New Sincerity” movement, considered to be reactionary to the ironic outlook of punk rock and new wave. David Yow’s Scratch Acid appeared on the original Woodshock lineup, but didn’t perform until the following year for reasons unknown. What really set 1985 apart from previous and future years, however, is the short film that was created by a local filmmaker named Richard Linklater.
 

 
Running at just seven minutes long, Woodshock is a 16mm satirical homage to the hippie movement at Woodstock and the experimental psychedelic films of the era. Linklater, who would go on to direct such celebrated Hollywood films as Dazed and Confused, School of Rock, and Boyhood, was a film student at Austin Community College at the time of filming. The short was the first ever to be completed by Linklater, along with co-creator and future collaborator, Lee Daniel. The two would later recreate the landscape of Woodshock in the “Moontower” party scene of 1993’s Dazed and Confused.
 
Similar to Heavy Metal Parking Lot, which was released in the same year, Woodshock is a documentary short about the music fan and not the music itself. Rather than focusing on the bands of the festival, Linklater focused on the revelers, the fucked-up weirdos fried on acid and drunk off Lone Stars. Despite its punk rock notoriety, Woodshock ‘85 was about the moment and the thrill of it all.
 

 

 

 
The only musician featured on-camera was outsider artist and proud McDonald’s employee, Daniel Johnston. Here the unknown 24-year old musician can be seen during an awkward exchange where he promotes his tape, the infamous Hi, How Are You. It was around this time that Johnston began to receive some national acclaim, although it would still be years away until Kurt Cobain wore a Daniel Johnston t-shirt. Ironically, this would not be the last time Johnston would solicit his demo tapes in a Richard Linklater film. The director’s first feature length, 1988’s 16mm experimental masterpiece, It’s Impossible to Learn to Plow by Reading Books, also boasts a brief Daniel Johnston cameo.
 
Much more after the jump…

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Posted by Bennett Kogon
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11.09.2017
08:02 am
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‘Garbageman’: Listen to William Shatner cover The Cramps
11.08.2017
11:13 am
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Oh yes, I’ll ‘fess up to owning a small but fine selection of William Shatner albums over which I’ve enthused to my beard-stroking chums who’ve silently pondered which medical assistance I required.

For me, the words “William Shatner sings” were never a rhetorical question but an invitation to accompany the great man on a Euterpean mission to boldly go where no man had gone before. Just take a listen to albums such as The Transformed Man, Live, Has Been, Seeking Major Tom, and of course, Ponder the Mystery and you might just understand what I mean. These are not just merely records but ports of entry into Shatner’s world—mini-musical biographies that really should be dipped into twice a day before, with, or after food but never while operating heavy machinery.

As you can probably imagine, if not I’ll draw you a picture, how delighted I am to find Mr. Shatner has covered the Cramps song “Garbageman” for a forthcoming album compiled by radio host and king of novelty songs Dr. Demento called Covered In Punk which is set for release in January 2018. This two-hour two-disc compilation features a host of big names like “Weird Al” Yankovic, Joan Jett And The Blackhearts, the Misfits, the B-52s frontman Fred Schneider, Colleen Green, Shonen Knife, the Vandals, Nobunny, the Meatmen, Quintron & Miss Pussycat, James Kochalka Superstar, and the late TV Batman Adam West”  tackling a selection of classic numbers like “The Cockroach That Ate Cincinnati,” “My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama,” “Suicide is Painless,” “Mah Na Mah Na,” “Telephone Man,” and “Monster Mash.”

Continues after the jump…

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Posted by Paul Gallagher
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11.08.2017
11:13 am
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Now you can have your very own ‘Plumbus’ from ‘Rick and Morty’ for less than six & a half brapples
11.08.2017
10:29 am
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An all-too authentic-looking “Plumbus” made by Canadian artist Chad Meister as seen in the Adult Swim cartoon, ‘Rick and Morty.’
 
The now legendary “all-purpose home device” the “Plumbus” was first featured on the addictive animated Adult Swim show Rick and Morty in Season two on episode eight “Interdimensional Cable 2: Tempting Fate.” The appearance of the logic-defying Plumbus sent fans into a spiral of WTF much like the aftermath following the equally infamous show from Season Three, “Pickle Rick.” If none of this is making any sense to you, then for some awful reason or thanks to the large rock you live under, I can only assume you’ve never seen an episode of Rick and Morty. If that applies to you, then I highly advise you to change that immediately. Your life will be better for it. Trust me.

Getting back to the Plumbus, an Etsy shop amusingly called Schwifty Props run by Chad Meister has created a spot-on reproduction of the curious Plumbus. Meister’s Plumbus’ come in three different sizes; Tiny (3.5 inches), Regular-Old (six inches), and “Cromulon” (twelve inches) which is an homage to the fantastically bizarre “Pickle Rick” episode. Schwifty Props has even gone the extra mile by including a replica of the Plumbus instruction manual just like the one included in both the DVD and Blu-ray Collector’s Edition releases of Rick and Morty: The Complete Second Season. Here’s a bit from the show that explains what a Plumbus is. Though it might not really explain anything, it’s hard to say:

“Welcome to the exciting world of Plumbus ownership! A Plumbus will aid many things in life, making life easier. With proper maintenance, handling, storage, and urging, Plumbus will provide you with a lifetime of better living and happiness.”

Meister is located in Canada and notes that it can take at least three weeks to ship a Plumbus to you, so keep that in mind. Meister also makes a few other oddities that from the show such as the “Butter Robot” (Episode nine, season one “Something Ricked This Way Comes”), and the often-featured “Mega Seeds” that Rick told Morty to put “way up his butthole” on the debut episode of the show.

Images of the real-life somewhat NSFW Plumbus follow.
 

A photo of one of Meister’s Plumbus’ hanging out in a bathroom.
 

The Plumbus workshop.
 
More after the jump…

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Posted by Cherrybomb
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11.08.2017
10:29 am
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Action figures of Misfits Jerry Only & Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein packaged in cardboard coffins


Vintage action figures of Jerry Only and Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein in their cardboard coffins by 21st Century Toys, 1999.
 
If you are into collecting action figures, and I know that many of our Dangerous Minds readers are, then you have probably already heard about a new figure set based on the “Fiend”—the official creepy mascot associated with legendary New Jersey punks, the Misfits. Put out by toy maker Super 7, one of the coolest things about the set of two figures (one dressed in red and the other in black) is the card art created by the equally legendary thrash metal album artist Ed Repka. When I read the press release I found myself feeling like there had been figures made in the image of members of the band somewhere along the line in the 90s—and for a change, I was able to trust my memories as my recollection turned out to be correct.

In 1999 21st Century Toys produced two 12” figures in the image of Misfits bassist Jerry Only and guitarist Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein. Both figures came packaged in cardboard coffins along with replicas of Only’s bass “The Devastator” and von Frankenstein’s guitar “The Annihilator.” The figures are pretty tricked out when it comes to their miniature clothing like Only’s studded vest and boots and von Frankenstein’s bare chest, sick six-pack, spiked choker, and Fiend armbands. Believe it or not, both are pretty easy to find out there on the Internet, and I’ve seen individual figures sell for as little as $20 depending on the condition. Photos of the devastatingly grim figures follow. Happy hunting!
 

A look inside the cardboard coffins containing the figures of Only and von Frankenstein.
 

A closer inspection of the figures inside their cardboard coffins.
 
More after the jump…

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Posted by Cherrybomb
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11.07.2017
08:48 am
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The safe word is ‘Barbie’: Kinky doll-sized BDSM furniture & accessories from Russia
11.06.2017
10:48 am
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A realistic piece of doll-sized BDSM furniture made by a Russian artist going by the name of Mick. Mick sells his dollhouse dungeon furniture on his Etsy site, BdsmFan.
 
A few years ago I wrote about UK-based artist Jennie Nightfall and her naughty doll-sized BDSM furniture here on Dangerous Minds. Somewhat unsurprisingly, the post was a huge hit, proving once again that DM readers like to let their freak-flags wave and give zero fucks if you are offended at the sight of a doll spanking another doll who bent over a little wooden horse. This logical approach to life is shared by a Russian architect, artist, and designer named Mick—the man behind the doll-sized BDSM playthings and contraptions seen in this post.

Mick resides Novosibirsk—a city in the southwestern region of Siberia near the Ob River.  According to his Etsy page, Mick has been making his little torture devices and equipment for about a year and will allegedly make custom BDSM pieces for you in either doll or human scale. His doll-sized work is rather authentic-looking and includes all kinds of bondage furniture such as benches, various “punishment boards” (or pillories), cages, and even a little BDSM toilet. Mick also crafts kinky accessories like paddles, masks and fishnet stockings because even inanimate dolls want to look good while they are behaving badly. Most of Mick’s little bondage gear will run you anywhere from five bucks for a mini-mask to $95 for a deviant doll-sized dungeon diorama. I’ve posted photos of Mick’s adult-oriented doll furniture below which contains images of nude dolls making this post perplexingly NSFW.
 

One of Mick’s doll-sized punishment boards. Dolls not included.
 

 
More after the jump…

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Posted by Cherrybomb
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11.06.2017
10:48 am
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Mike Patton performs in his pajamas with Faith No More on MTV’s ‘Da Show’
11.02.2017
07:52 am
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Faith No More, early 1990s.
 
Da Show was a blink-and-you-missed-it program on MTV hosted by Doctor Dré (not to be confused with Dr. Dre of N.W.A) and Ed Lover of Yo! MTV Raps fame. It was best described as a kind of variety show that would welcome timely guests and musical acts including a rather epic appearance by Faith No More on December 26th, 1990. 

It’s been said that Faith No More was the only metal band to ever appear on the short-lived show and man, did they ever fucking bring it and then some to the studio’s tiny stage and live audience. After the band spits out a blistering version of “Epic,” Dré and Ed Lover crash the stage so Ed can do his famous(?) “Ed Lover Dance.” Following that Dré and Ed stick around on stage while Faith performs “Edge of the World,” a downtempo number from their 1989 album The Real Thing. This is yet another bizarro time capsule from the 90s that I had no idea even existed until today and the nine-plus minute video is well worth watching as the then 22-year-old Patton delivers a more than solid performance on this long-forgotten show. Patton in pajamas for the WIN!
 

Faith No More performing “Epic” and “Edge of the World” on the ‘Da Show.’
 
More after the jump…

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Posted by Cherrybomb
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11.02.2017
07:52 am
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A girl’s best friend is her automobile: That time Dodge marketed a car exclusively for women
11.01.2017
11:24 am
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Dodge hasn’t always been a man’s car. In fact, there was a once time when the manufacturer of such testosterone-pumping machismo machines as the Viper, Challenger and the Charger had seriously considered a woman’s role behind the wheel. This speculation came at a time when post war America was seeing a serious shift in gender roles, allowing more women to find their independence out on the open road. And with style, no less.

After receiving favorable feedback on Chrysler’s refined showroom model “La Comtesse” in 1954, Dodge began production on a new line of automobile that was marketed for the female motorist. Costing just an additional $143, the Dodge “La Femme” was a special option of the 1955 Custom Lancer, complete with a feminine twist. The hardtop two-door coupe came in a color combination of painted “Sapphire White” and “Heather Rose,” featuring blossoming rosebuds to decorate its elegant upholstery.
 

 
The most unique ploy on Dodge’s part wasn’t only that this was a vehicle of grace and class, but should also be seen as an everyday fashion accessory. Each La Femme came outfitted with a pink calfskin purse (bundled with coordinating paraphernalia), a matching rosebud-inspired raincoat, rain bonnet, and umbrella. The items could be conveniently stored in compartments behind the two front seats—so you never had to leave the house empty-handed. The American woman didn’t just drive La Femme, she lived La Femme.

Although the chichi cruiser returned the following year with a new orchid palate, the La Femme’s supposed fanfare wasn’t enough to keep Dodge from discontinuing the “project” in 1957. It is said that out of the 2,500 lady vehicles produced, only about 60 exist today. What a damn shame.

(This post on an unusual Dodge product comes by inspiration of pop culture humorist Charles Phoenix and his stellar new book, Addicted to Americana. If roadside attractions, cosmic kitsch, and wondrous cultural curiosities are your thing, it is without question that this is the book for you.

Some photos of the La Femme below:
 

 

 
More after the jump…

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Posted by Bennett Kogon
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11.01.2017
11:24 am
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