Isn’t this thoughtful? Those demented bawbags who are waiting for the Rapture this weekend have prepared a letter to help explain where they and “millions and millions” of the faithful have disappeared to.

Dear Friend,

This message has been sent to you by a friend or a relative who has recently disappeared along with millions and millions of people around the world.

The reason they chose to send you this letter is because they cared about you and would like you to know the truth about where they went.

This may come as a shock to you, but the one who sent you this has been taken up to heaven.

If you read a Bible, you will see that after chapter three in the book of Revelation, the church is no longer mentioned as being on earth. (The church are the believers in Jesus Christ, not the buildings in which people meet.)

In the Bible, 1 Thessalonians Chapter 4 verses 16 and 17 tell how Jesus came to take away His church. But, you have to believe the Bible is the Word of God in order to believe this.

I am sure that there will be a lot of speculation as to what happened to all these people. The theories of some scientists and world leaders will have so much credibility that most of the world will believe them.

It will sound like the truth!

But, there is only one truth. And, that truth is that Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, came back to earth and took with Him to Heaven all who believed in Him and made Him their Lord.

If you would like to give your life to Jesus Christ and be born again, it is not too late. First you must pray to God saying"Father I admit I am a sinner, and I will turn from my sin and do good. I believe that Jesus was your son and that He came here to die for me so that my sins would be
forgiven. I ask you to forgive me and I will repent of my sins. In Jesus name I pray.”

If you just prayed that prayer and meant it with all your heart, then God will know you as one of His own. You should now seek out others who have also given their lives to Christ, read a Bible daily, and do your best to bring others to Christ.

God bless you.

I don’t know how any of these people will be able to show their face next week.
 
Previously on DM

If you can’t make the Post-Rapture Party then try the Pre-Rapture Orgy

 
With thanks to Elizabeth Veldon
 

 
If you can’t wait for the Post-Rapture Party, then why not attend the Pre-Rapture Orgy? Organized by Ammon Kamutef Allred, Karen McCarthy, Matt Riddle, and Felonius Screwtape, who together have started a group page on Facebook inviting all to attend the orgy tomorrow night:

After the Rapture, America is going to be awesome! Universal health-care, gay marriage, easy access to birth control, a progressive tax code and strong environmental regulations.

You don’t want to miss all the fun! Come to our pre-Rapture orgy to make sure that you’ll be here come May 22, 2011.

The Pre-Rapture Orgy takes place Friday 00:00 - Saturday at 00:00, on the “Streets of America, Baby” and no doubt everywhere else, check here for details.

Now for some arbitrary “Rapture” mash-up.
 

 
Previously on DM

Post-Rapture Looting Event on Facebook

 
Rather macabre, don’t you think?

Associating your product with death may be a good idea if you’re selling caskets, but chewing gum?

The point of advertising is to get your attention and this commercial for Stride does do that.
 

 
Via Copyranter

 
(via reddit)

 
Outside of Moscow, the eccentric members of nun-like sect venerate Russian politician Vladimir Putin as the reincarnation of the Apostle Paul, AKA Saul of Tarsus, AKA Saint Paul, early Christian missionary and proselytizer. The women are the followers of Svetlana Frolova, who calls herself Mother Fotina. From The Telegraph:

“According to the Bible, Paul the Apostle was a military commander at first and an evil persecutor of Christians before he started spreading the Christian gospel,” the sect’s founder, who styles herself Mother Fotina, said.

“In his days in the KGB, Putin also did some rather unrighteous things. But once he became president, he was imbued with the Holy Spirit, and just like the apostle, he started wisely leading his flock. It is hard for him now but he is fulfilling his heroic deed as an apostle.”

Reports from the sect’s headquarters close to the town of Nizhny Novgorod say that its members are all women who dress like nuns and pray for Mr Putin’s success in front of traditional Russian Orthodox Church icons that have been placed alongside a portrait of the Russian prime minister himself.

Followers are reportedly encouraged to sing upbeat patriotic Soviet songs at ‘services’ rather than hymns.

As befits a sect that worships a man who has denounced the decadence of the oligarchs, the sect’s members are said to survive on a Spartan diet of turnips, carrots, peas and buckwheat.

A local priest dismissed Mother Fotina: “Her so-called teachings are a nonsensical mixture of Orthodoxy, Catholicism, the occult, Buddhism and political information,” he said. “But (Mother) Fotina does not come across as a mad person.”

A spokesperson for Putin said that the macho Russian strongman was “bemused.”

 
I wonder how old Dr. Dre is in this clip? Four? Nonetheless, he’s as cute as a button and charming on the late-70s game show Child’s Play. 

UPDATE: There’s a lot of speculation on the Interwebs that the little boy is not Dr. Dre.

 
For those of you who know you’re going to be left behind, Ben Conner and Carl W. Franke have organized a post Rapture looting event on Facebook.

When everyone is gone and God’s not looking, we need to pick up some sweet stereo equipment and maybe some new furniture for the mansion we’re going to squat in.

Sinners can join here.

 
Perfect for Coachella or other outdoor rock festivals? Available in blue, red and yellow, the Volkswagon van tent by Fire Box sells for around $483.00.

VW Camper Van Tent

(via Kraftfuttermischwerk)

 
Mariachi Cabos take one of the most overblown rock songs of all time, Pink Floyd’s ‘Another Brick In The Wall,” and turn it into the simple punk anthem it should have been in the first place. Cabos, you rock!

 
Mariachi Cabos do “Beat It” sounding like The Ramones with a trumpet player.

Lick but don’t touch.
 
This New Yorker has a unique approach to giving his shoes that classic shiny patent leather look.

Sole kiss.
 

 
Via The Gothamist.