Doctors from local hospitals in Kingston, Jamaica, report that they’ve been seeing a record number of broken dicks in the past few months. They attribute this to the increased popularity of daggering. Dr Alverston Bailey advised men to seek medical help if they suspect their penises have been broken. Signs of a fractured penis include a loud popping noise, followed by excruciating pain, swelling, and sometimes blood.

 
Reggae dance craze daggering has been banned in Jamaica, but no amount of banning can keep a good thing down…unless it gets broken. As a public service to Dangerous Minds readers, here’s an instructional video from Major Lazer that could save you from unwanted suffering.
 

 
Andrew Shirvell, the asshat Assistant Attorney General in Michigan who made headlines this week for his cyber-bullying of Chris Armstrong, a gay student body president at the University of Michigan, actually has a history of being outspoken about his anti-homosexual views. This man needs to be medicated.

Read all about it in this July 18, 2005 article titled “Gay pride sticker sparks controversy at pizzeria” from The Michigan Daily:

Members of a local student-oriented Catholic parish received an e-mail last week urging them to boycott the New York Pizza Depot on East William Street because of a gay pride rainbow sicker on its front door.

The sticker has upset some people, including Andrew Shirvell, an NYPD customer and member of St. Mary’s Student Parish, located down the street from NYPD.

Shirvell, a University alumnus and former president of Students for Life, said the sticker is offensive because it endorses homosexuality instead of simply tolerating it.

“I find the rainbow flag offensive because it is a symbol of the homosexual movement that, in my opinion, indicates a validation of the homosexual lifestyle, as opposed to a sign that indicates ‘openness’ to customers who are of the homosexual orientation,” he said.

Jaya Kalra, a co-chair for Stonewall Democrats, said that it was very surprising that a parishioner reacted so strongly to the sticker, especially because she knows that St. Mary’s has been supportive in the past.

Actually, it’s not all that surprising coming from Mr. Shirvell is it? Have you seen him? You hardly have to be Nostradomus to see where this one is headed… Cue the inevitable Funny or Die parody clip with Paul Reubens playing Shirvell!

Shirvell said he does not speak on behalf of the St. Mary’s church or parish, but that he does think it is necessary for them to know that this has occurred.

“I was solely acting in my capacity as a parishioner of St. Mary’s in communicating to my fellow parishioners what was going on, again, since many St. Mary’s parishioners frequent NYPD after weekend masses,” Shirvell said. “In my e-mail, I in no way indicated that I spoke on behalf of the parish or any of its ministries, including the Student Social Justice group.”

Timothy Wright, operations director and pastoral associate for St. Mary’s Student Parish, said St. Mary’s does not discriminate against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered Catholics.

Wright said that Shirvell does not have any official status as a spokesman for the church and that Shirvell’s view on this matter is in opposition to the majority of the parish.

Wright added that of the people he had spoken to about Shirvell’s statements, he could not find many who agreed with him.

“Most of the people — at least of the people I’m at work with — more were outraged and indignant about (Shirvell’s) posture than (the sticker itself),” he said.

After watching Shirvell’s boss, Mike Cox, defend this creep on Anderson Cooper’s show last night, the thought that occurred to me is how Shirvell is undoubtedly harming his chances for gainful future employment. Clearly the guy would be a total liability for any professional law firm to take on. This excercise in hatred, intolerence and utterly pathetic childishness will follow this idiot for HIS ENTIRE CAREER. Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm wants him fired. Everytime someone will google this fool for the rest of his life, what is going to come up about him? Who would hire him after a single Google search? And he seems OBLIVIOUS to how stupid he looks. What a trainwreck this dude is.

Then again, maybe there is a niche market in Michigan for criminal defense lawyers for homophobes and cyber-bullies? He’s their advocate!

And in a related story, there were four suicides of gay teens this week...

 
Andrew Shirvell, Michigan Assistant Attorney General, has got to be one of the single most ridiculous people living in America today and that is REALLY SAYING SOMETHING. The guy is a fucking clown. It’s unbelievable that he’s still in his position. You can read the backstory here.

You have to hand it to Anderson Cooper, he’s really sticking it to some people who deserve it this week. This fellow is the very definition of “dickhead.” Watch it for the comedy of it all and laugh until you cry.

Previously on Dangerous Minds: Anderson Cooper vs. Islamphobic Hillbilly Republican congressional candidate

 
“Hey, you know something people? I’m not black, but there’s a whole lots a times. I wish I could say I’m not white”—Frank Zappa, “Trouble Every Day”

There is a well-written, fascinating—but fucking depressing—cover story (avec an awesome Drew Friedman cover illustration) by Steven Thrasher in the Village Voice today. Not much for me to add to this, I snarked myself into exhaustion yesterday, just read it and weep amongst yourselves:

About 12:01 on the afternoon of January 20, 2009, the white American mind began to unravel.

It had been a pretty good run up to that point. The brains of white folks had been humming along cogently for near on 400 years on this continent, with little sign that any serious trouble was brewing. White people, after all, had managed to invent a spiffy new form of self-government so that all white men (and, eventually, women) could have a say in how white people were taxed and governed. White minds had also nearly universally occupied just about every branch of that government and, for more than two centuries, had kept sole possession of the leadership of its executive branch (whose parsonage, after all, is called the White House).

But when that streak was broken—and, for the first time, a non-white president accepted the oath of office—white America rapidly began to lose its grip.

As with other forms of dementia, the signs weren’t obvious at first. After the 2008 election, when former House majority leader Tom DeLay suggested that instead of a formal inauguration, Barack Obama should “have a nice little chicken dinner, and we’ll save the $125 million,” black folks didn’t miss the implication. References to chicken, particularly of the fried variety, have long served as a kind of code when white folks referred to black people and their gustatory preferences—and weren’t many of us already accustomed to older white politicians making such gaffes? But who among us sensed that it was a harbinger that an entire nation was plunging into madness?

Who didn’t chuckle, after all, the first time they heard that white people had doubts that Barack Obama had even been born in the United States and was therefore ineligible to be president? It sounded like one of those Internet stories in which some (usually white) writer does his best to prove something everyone knows to be true is actually the exact opposite. And you go along with it for a few paragraphs to see how long the writer can convince you that what you know is right is actually wrong.

Seemed like that, didn’t it? After all, what was the beef? Obama’s father was Kenyan, and the kid was born in Hawaii—which is barely a part of the United States to begin with (only a state in 1959!). His mother was white, and after the Kenyan guy left, she married an Indonesian guy, so little Barack lived in Jakarta for a while before coming back to Hawaii to be brought up largely by his white grandparents. . . . And that’s it? Come on, this was after-school-special material, the kind of thing that brings a tear to your eye because little half-Kenyan/half-white Barry made good, not the stuff of conspiracy novels.

But the more you shook your head at it, the more it seemed to have taken root deep in the lizard part of the white nervous system. Obama is not an American. He says he’s Christian, but he has a Muslim-sounding name. He’s not black, he’s not white. . . . Is . . . is he even human?

Today, Newsweek has found, nearly a quarter of Americans believe that Obama is a Muslim, with barely 42 percent of the nation accepting his claim that he’s a Christian. CNN finds that a quarter of Americans also believe that Obama was “probably or definitely” born in another country.

Harris found in an online poll that 14 percent of Americans believe in their hearts that President Barack Obama is the antichrist, with nearly a quarter of Republicans saying so.

Read more of White America Has Lost Its Mind (Village Voice)

 
It took me a while before I could tell—even in a general sense—exactly what the fuck this angry, angry man was going on about and by the end I still wasn’t sure. One thing that’s for certain is he is really, really angry. Spitting mad, you might say. Bring an umbrella.
 
Thank you Redacted!

 
Fuck me:

A wonderful book of The Tea Party for Kids! Teaches children (and parents) about the origins of the Tea Party and what it involves. A very pleasant song, coloring and activity book on Liberty, Faith, Freedom and so much more! Get involved, participate, self reliance, freedom of choice, work, government-of-for-by the people, Leadership, Ingenuity, Jobs and responsibilty!

The Tea Party Coloring Book for Kids!

 
According to the Louisville Courier-Journal. Republican extremist Rand Paul—who, natch, has had Sarah Palin fundraising for him—is a member of the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, the same group who are supporting Nevada’s batshit crazy GOP Senate nominee, Sharron Angle, who seems to believe that abortion causes breast cancer and that Medicare is “immoral” and “evil” (but letting elderly people is what Christ would have wanted???)

Excerpted from “Rand Paul part of AAPS doctors’ group airing unusual views”:

Republican U.S. Senate nominee Rand Paul belongs to a conservative doctors’ group that, among other things, has expressed doubts about the connection between HIV and AIDS and suggested that President Barack Obama may have been elected because he was able to hypnotize voters.

The Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, based in Tucson, Ariz., advocates conservative and free-market solutions on health care and a variety of other political issues.

But it also uses its medical journal and Website as forums for unorthodox medical views.

Maybe their blog is where Sharron Angle got her information for her comments about “autism” (I added the quotation marks, watch the video and see why. What galls me about this woman is how proud of herself she seems! She is PROUD of being ignorant. You can’t top that, she’s on a suicide mission!):
 

 
Group promoting Angle event: Medicare “evil” and “immoral,” Obama is a “covert hypnotist” and HIV may not cause AIDS (Las Vegas Sun)

Via Charles Johnson at Little Green Footballs, who is doing some very important work

 
Did you miss him? Didn’t think so… Operation Rescue founder, Randall Terry demonstrates how to hold a racist, hateful press conference complete with anti-Koran shenanigans, so that people will pay attention to him again.

Via Right Wing Watch

 
Ten years ago, I’d have laughed at this. In 2010, it’s not so funny:

From a press release posted today on BusinessWire:

Left Behind Games CEO, Troy Lyndon says, “Retailers are showing more interest in LB Games, our Christian video game products. Over the past several weeks, we have been unveiling our proven, proprietary church-marketing system which is designed to increase sales for retailers who carry our products. Over the past two years, we’ve invested in the development of the Christian video game market by giving away more than 50,000 PC games to our network of Pastors who share our desire to provide healthier video game alternatives to their youth. Soon, our investors will no longer have to support a pioneering effort with vision alone, but also with progress evidenced by solid sales and income.”

Have you ever actually seen the Left Behind: Eternal Forces game? It is it some spectacularly bone-headed shit, described here on the All Things Considered blog in a post titled Grand Theft Auto: Book of Revelations:

This is a game that’s actually been out for a while. I read an early review on it when it was going gold (ready for mass production), and was filled with Christ-love. I was so taken aback by the message of tolerance delivered in this game, that I had to pause my viewing of The Passion of the Christ while breezing through some of the recent Promise Keeper literature which had been stuffed into my Jesus/Santa mailbox.

In the game, titled Left Behind: Eternal Forces, you are a person left behind on Earth after the Rapture has come and taken all the true believers to Heaven. If you don’t know what this means, then you’re a doomed sinner, so put your head between your legs and kiss your forked tail goodbye. 666 Satan hearts you.

The point of the game is to convert people into disciples in order to combat the Anti-Christ. Those who cannot be converted you must kill. The bad guys are rock stars and Arab-esque people.. [Emphasis added].

WTF, right? Take comfort in the fact that Left Behind: Eternal Forces is so lame, it’s unlikely to convert anyone to anything. Even your inbred hillbilly cousin Jimmy-Joe would think this game sucks and yet there are still people all across this great nation dumb enough to buy into this shit. They even sell it at Wal-Mart. Watch the game’s trailer, below.
 

 
Via Christian Nightmares

 
Wunderbar! Lots more of these parodies, courtesy of Ward Sutton (writing as “Joe Smith”) at the Boston Globe.com