Our favorite story gaining traction around the Interwebs today has to do with Anglican priest Rev. Tim Jones, who more or less told his congregation that it’s OK to steal from retail giants like grocery chain Tesco if your family is hungry. Makes sense to us, but Rev. Tim (who is not as liberal as it might seem) has been taken to task by conservative politicians and some in the British media for advocating this teensy-weensy exception to the 8th commandment. Here’s what he told his congregation:

“My advice, as a Christian priest, is to shoplift. I do not offer such advice because I think that stealing is a good thing or because I think it is harmless, for it is neither.

“I would ask that they do not steal from small family businesses but from large national businesses, knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices. I would ask them not to take any more than they need. I offer the advice with a heavy heart. Let my words not be misrepresented as a simplistic call for people to shoplift.

“The life of the poor in modern Britain is a constant struggle, a minefield of competing opportunities, competing responsibilities, obligations and requirements, a constant effort to achieve the impossible. For many at the bottom of our social ladder, lawful, honest life can sometimes seem to be an apparent impossibility.”

It’s not like Rev. Tim is saying “Go forth and mug people” or that the poor should burgle their neighbor’s homes. He’s basically saying “feed yourself, illegally if you must, just do it in a way that doesn’t harm society.” Given the choice between starving or allowing your family to starve, shoplifting a frozen pizza sounds like a morally acceptable no-brainer to us in these troubled times.

 
The Dear Leader Teapot.  Got hordes of obsequious followers?  Now you can brew tea from their famine-stricken tears!  What’s next—The Idi Amin 3-Tier Scone Tower?!

(via Cakehead)

 
When it comes to watching television, maybe vigorous exercise isn’t quite enough to ward off the dangers associated with a largely sedentary lifestyle.  Based on an October phone survey of 10,000 Americans of various weights, an expected pattern emerged: people who engaged in lots of physical activity weighed less than those who didn’t.  But when the researches factored in the amount of time spent watching television and movies, a far different pattern emerged:

No matter how much TV they watched, if they didn?

 

 

 
The fine people of Santa Catarina, Brazil inadvertently brought a bit of paganism back to the season this year by not properly wiring their traditional fifty-foot Santa. Nice one.
 
(via Buzzfeed. thx Suzy Beal !)

 
No matter what you think of the Royal Family—I mostly see them as parasites, myself—this is an admirable gesture for a future king. Prince WIlliam joined Seyi Obakin, CEO of the Centrepoint charity, bedding down between garbage tips near Blackfriars bridge so he could better understand the plight of the homeless. Clearly William seems to be taking after his mother, unlike his brother, the ginger twat. From the Telegraph:

Writing on the Centrepoint website [Obatkin] added: ‘‘For me, it was a scary experience. Out of my comfortable bed. Out there in the elements. Out there on an extremely cold night, with temperatures down to minus 4.

‘‘And it was the same for Prince William. But he was determined to do it as [Centrepoint] patron in order to raise awareness of the problem and to be able to understand a little better what rough sleepers go through night after night.’‘

Earlier in the year, Centrepoint’s chief executive challenged the Prince to experience being homeless for one night and Mr Obakin said he did not think the royal would pick up the gauntlet.

The offer came after the Prince, 27, in a speech to mark Centrepoint’s 40th anniversary this year, challenged the organisation to redouble its efforts to end youth homelessness.

The pair were joined on the sleep-out by William’s private secretary, Jamie Lowther-Pinkerton, and bedded down on cardboard boxes in an alleyway just after midnight last Wednesday.

In a grainy photograph released by the homeless charity, the Prince, dressed in jeans, trainers, a hooded top and a hat, can be seen standing next to Mr Obakin with their bedding around them.

The chief executive wrote on his charity’s website: “We took as much precaution as possible - finding a relatively secluded spot in an alleyway, shielded partly by a collection of wheelie bins.

“But there was no shielding from the bitter cold, or the hard concrete floor, or the fear of being accosted by drug dealers, pimps or those out to give homeless people a ‘good kicking’.

“One of the hairiest moments occurred when we were almost run over by a road sweeper which simply didn’t see our small group huddled together, which just goes to show how vulnerable rough sleepers are.

 
The last line is, as the kids say, LOL funny. From The Croatian Times:

A crackpot crook held off police for an hour before they realised that dynamite and detonators strapped around his waist were really sausages. Oddball Sing He, 23, threatened to blow up a restaurant and its terrified customers in Benxi, northern China, unless they handed him the day’s takings. He kept police at bay for more than an hour until a specialist bomb unit arrived and realised the bangers were more porker than plastique. “When we saw what he had round his waist we couldn’t help laughing. Some of the sausages still had the wrappers on them,” said one bomb squad officer. “It must have been terrifying for the customers but those things would only have gone off if you’d kept them past their sell by date,” he added. He told police he’d planned the raid because he was depressed after breaking up with his girlfriend. “I needed some excitement in my life and to that extent it was a success” he explained.

 
Dangerous Minds pal Jesse Merlin writes:

“Have I told you how much I worship James Coco? Overt hostility disguised as comedy disguised as overt hostility. GENIUS. This clip is just unbelievable.  The way Coco takes on Bob Hope (one of the most beloved men in America) and Woody Allen is positively inspired.  And genuinely hostile.  Coco is one of the greatest comic geniuses among forgotten character actors and Broadway stars, known these days perhaps for “Man of La Mancha,” his gut-bustingly funny role in “Murder By Death” and his cameos on the Muppet Show and in “The Muppets Take Manhattan.”

 
The continuation of Coco’s appearance (listed as clip 5) shows up here at 7.45.

 
On December 22nd 1985 The Minutemen‘s D. Boon perished in a van accident in Arizona. I can count myself as one of their early fans, having picked up their first E.P. on the strength of it being on Black Flag’s SST label. I was thrilled to find a local band that clearly loved Gang of Four and The Pop Group, even Captain Beefheart ! I saw them as often as I could and via their infinite kindness found my teen noise punk band Debt of Nature frequently opening for them. They even gave me my first appearance on an actual vinyl record. Below is the wonderful video for “This Ain’t No Picnic” wherein the boys, rocking out at the Sepulveda Dam (!), are attacked via air by a young Ronald Reagan. Resourceful genius.

 
Remember back in April when conservative Fox News talk show host Sean Hannity told guest Charles Grodin, on camera and in front of millions of witnesses, that he’d submit to be waterboarded to raise money for U.S. troops and their families?

GRODIN: Would you consent to be waterboarded? We can waterboard you?
HANNITY: Sure.
GRODIN: Are you busy on Sunday?
HANNITY: I’ll do it for charity. I’ll let you do it. I’ll do it for the troops’ families.

Remember how Keith Olbermann then upped the ante on Hannity by offering him $1,000 per second that he was able to withstand the torture (which Hannity called “enhanced interrogation” sans even a trace of irony)?

Well, this morning we checked in at the Waterboard Hannity for Charity website to see that generous members of the public are willing to donate up to $10 million if Hannity is able to withstand 300 seconds of waterboarding enhanced interrogation. If he can last even a single minute, he’ll be able to give over $2 million to the families of U.S. troops.

Unlike many of you reading this, I’m not cynical about this—okay I’m lying through my teeth—I just want to see Hannity man up, do what he said he would do and raise more money in 60 seconds for a good cause than has probably ever been raised before in a single minute in history!

It’s almost Christmas. Sean, you can make a huge difference in the lives of these families. You said you would do it, so do it.

If not, why not?

 
Russian overlord Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has offered his apparently highly capable services to the National Judo Team:

The 57-year-old prime minister made the proposal at a special coaching session on Saturday aired on state television, adding to his carefully-crafted macho image.  Putin, who many observers believe is still paramount leader despite standing down as president last year, entered the hall of St Petersburg’s School of Sport Mastery dressed in a white judogi and black belt, to applause from the assembled squad.  After bowing, the former KGB spy went onto the mats, throwing squad members half his age and even tackling the chief trainer, Olympic Gold medallist Ezio Gamba.

And when he’s not tranquilizing tigers or riding semi-naked on a horse, Putin makes instructional videos.  To coincide with his 56th birthday, the ex-, soon to be next, President of Russia’s “Let’s Learn Judo” came out last year.

 
Black Belt Putin Offers To Join Russian Judo Team