Kid smashes bass during school talent show; stuns audience
04.23.2014
01:54 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Music
Punk

Tags:
Talent Shows


 
Here’s tween middle school rockers “Casino” performing at their school’s talent show. They’re actually pretty good for such young guys. But it’s the end of the video that shows these kids mean business. Namely the bass player who’s pulling some major Jeff Beck in Blow Up moves towards the end.

This kid is going places. If he was a little older, he’d be getting laid like crazy after this gonzo stunt, that’s for sure.

Jump to the 3:16 mark and let it ride!

 
Via Arbroath

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
Naked Brunch:  The Recipe for William S. Burroughs Eggs
04.23.2014
07:59 am

Topics:
Amusing
Food

Tags:
William Burroughs


 
It would appear the Beat writer William S. Burroughs had a dish named after him by the same chef who is said to have created the crepe suzette, Henri Charpentier.

Charpentier was a very well-known and hugely successful chef who had made his name at the Savoy in London, before opening his own restaurant Original Henri Restaurant & Bar in New York around 1906. Customers at his swanky restaurant included film stars, politicians and heads of state. In 1938 he closed the restaurant and moved to Chicago where he opened the Café de Paris. Then in 1945, he moved again, this time to the west coast, where he set-up another exclusive restaurant in Redondo Beach.

According to writer and blogger, Matthew Rowley it’s more than probable that Burroughs ate at one of Charpentier’s restaurants, most likely in Chicago, where the chef named a dish after the writer.

For a few years, in the early 1940’s, Burroughs lived in Chicago while Charpentier ran Café de Paris in the city’s Park Dearborn Hotel. He had a few jobs in Chicago, including a stint as an exterminator, a role that would resonate through his writing for decades. Exterminators don’t make bank, but with an allowance from his well-to-do family, Burroughs probably could afford to eat well. And he was definitely a character: he’d sawn off one of his own fingers in an effort to impress a man with whom he was infatuated. I’m guessing that even in 1943, William S. Burroughs made an impression.

I’m also supposing it was during this time, while Burroughs and Charpentier where both in Chicago, that the French chef caught a wild hare and decided to name a dish after an eccentric customer. Of course, this wouldn’t have been a unique honor. I don’t think ol’ Henri buttered toast without naming it after some American celebrity, friend, hero, or other person he’d want to compliment.

Charpentier published his recipe for “Eggs, William S. Burroughs” in his cookbook Food and Finesse: The Bride’s Bible that was privately published and limited to only 1,000 copies for customers and friends. Amongst the recipes contained inside are “Pheasant, Samuel Morse”; “Lamb, Grover Cleveland”; “Cauliflower, Eli Whitney”; “Guinea Hen, Ulysses S. Grant”; “Brandy Apples, Amelia Earhart”; and on page 426, is the recipe for “Eggs, William S. Burroughs.”

Eggs William S. Burroughs

By Henri Charpentier, 1945

Chop one onion and place it into a pan with 1 tablespoon of butter. Brown it.

Take the green part of 1 chicory salad (keep the white part for a salad). Chop it fine and add it to the onion. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes. Then add 4 chopped hard-boiled eggs, 1 clove of garlic that has been crushed into a little chopped parsley, 2 chopped peeled tomatoes, 1 more tablespoon of butter, 1 teaspoon of meat stock, 1 pinch of pepper, one pinch of salt, and one sherry-glassful of claret. Cook for 5 minutes.

Boil 2 handfuls of noodles for 15 minutes. Strain. Be sure they are free of all water. Place them on the bottom of a baking dish. Cover with the chicory, etc., and bake in a preheated moderate oven of 350°F for 15 minutes. Season to taste.

This certainly adds some new texture to Burroughs’ time in Chicago and brings a slightly different meaning to You Got Any Eggs For Fats?
 
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Via Rowley’s Whiskey Forge
 

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
Dear Boy: Advice column for ‘Sassy’ teenagers from Dinosaur Jr’s J Mascis
04.23.2014
07:06 am

Topics:
Amusing
Media
Music
Sex

Tags:
J Mascis
Sassy


 
The Gen-Xers among you will surely remember Sassy, that transcendent turn-of-the-‘90s magazine for teenaged girls. It was noteworthy for being uncommonly smart, accessible well outside its target audience, and in its music coverage, every bit as friendly to under-the-radar bands as Spin was at the time. Their regular “Cute Band Alert” feature once highlighted the ferociously uncute Poison Idea, and they infamously declared Nation of Ulysses’ singer Ian Svenonius the winner in their 1990 search for the “Sassiest Boy in America.” Males of any age were “boys” to Sassy, and there was certainly no exception for their “Dear Boy” column, in which established and emerging alternarock luminaries would impart to curious young women the life lessons only years in the van could teach.

The column featured such “boys” as Iggy Pop, Mike D, Beck, and the gentleman who concerns us today, Dinosaur Jr’s J Mascis.
 

 
Via Girls of a Certain Age:

What’s with boys and commitment?
—Margie

This is the first answer J gave us: Boys — yes it’s true — are reluctant to commit. But what would happen if the guy let the girl know he was psyched for this heavy commitment? She would get bored and blow him off. If he had “let’s settle down” all over his face, he’d never get lucky. Face it girls, it’s guys who want the commitment, but they know you’d break their hearts if they gave you half a chance.

This is the revised answer J gave us two weeks later: Face it, guys are psycho. You can’t pin them down. They’ll change their minds from minute to minute. You may think that boys tend to avoid commitment like the plague, which is true, unless of course you girls aren’t into it. You gotta keep him guessing.

I hear celebrities hate when people spaz out over them. Is this true? What should you do when you see or meet them?
—A Speechless Fan

Try to talk to them about ordinary things as if they’re normal. Don’t ask them any questions about their profession.

Shopping for a guy — that’s worse than taking the pop quiz your calculus teacher throws you on Monday morning! Do you have any ideas on gifts for members of the male species?
—TP

Blank tapes are always good, because you’ll buy the wrong bands if you try store-bought tapes or CDs. Clothes are negative. Flashlights are always fun. Candles, fireworks — anything with a pyro angle. Stuffed animals are usually OK if they’re not too sappy.

I am 16 years old and I have a 19 year old boyfriend who’s in jail. I don’t know how to deal with him being there. Do you have any suggestions?
—Imprisoned by Love

It depends on what he’s in for, and if you feel like sticking by him. Just don’t get too obsessed and freaked out about it. If he stays cool, keep an open mind and don’t let prison ruin your life too.

Do boys like it when girls ask them out?
—Aggressive

In general, if you’re not a total spaz about it, guys are completely psyched if you ask them out. We’re a lazy breed, so the more you ladies do, the happier we are. The vaguer you are, the easier it is to get out of it if he completely blows you off. Just stand near him and smile a lot. Try to talk to him if you can, but don’t overdo it. Casual is key.

I am a 16 year old girl and I’ve had sex before. I’m not sure if I like it or ever want to have it again. I’m very interested in guys, but when sex is brought up, I feel sick and turned off. The problem is, my friends all say how great sex is and how much they love it. Am I totally weird?
—Scared and Confused

I don’t think girls start digging it for a while, but you’ll probably turn around. Just don’t worry about it; you’re definitely not weird. Don’t do anything you don’t wanna do. Don’t feel weird if your friends talk about it. You don’t have to compete.

Do boys like big butts?
—Kim France

I am baffled by this question. Butts are so awesome that obviously the bigger, the better. Any guy who’s not a weirdo will take as much butt as he can get. I don’t know if you’re worried that yours is too big or too small, but it can’t be too big. Whatever it is, just get into it.

I asked this guy to the Snow Ball about a month ago. We were just supposed to go as friends, and it was going to be really cool. Anyways, he calls me up about three weeks before and asks me if it’s all right to take his girlfriend with us. I have my dress and shoes already. What should I tell him?
—Dissed

I would be enraged. I think you gotta throw a total fit and make sure he and anyone who knows him hears about what a complete jerk he is. Try to go with someone else, if you can stomach it, just to torture him and make sure he has a miserable time. Guys will try any scam. It’s up to you not to let him get away with it. He’s testing the boundaries of sanity and good taste. Make him pay. You can’t blame the guy for trying but I think you gotta make him pay.

I like this boy. I hope he likes me, ’cause he teases me a lot. How do you know when a boy likes you? Also, how do you get a boy to like you?
—Confused

You can tell if a boy likes you if he looks terrified whenever you’re around. He points his head at the ground, shakes and stutters, if he can get the nerve up to talk to you at all. You’ll see him around a lot and wonder how he got there. You’ll see him stare at you and dart his head away when you catch him. Either that or he’ll do all he can to completely avoid you. Try to talk to him calmly whenever possible, and smile and flutter your eyes. Basically, guys like girls who like them. It’s pretty simple. So make him think you dig him and he’s yours.

 

 
In the years since he dropped all that wisdom on the youth, Mascis has dissolved and reconvened Dionsaur Jr, performed with the Fog and Witch, and most recently, released The Golden Age of Glitter with Sweet Apple, his band with his Witch bandmate Dave Sweetapple, and Tim Parnin and John Petkovic of Cobra Verde, with whom Mascis has served as touring guitarist. The album’s been getting favorable attention from some unlikely places, and the video for the lead-off single, “Wish You Could Stay (A Little Longer)” featuring guest vocals by Screaming Trees’ Mark Lanegan, was released last month. Another video, for “Boys in Her Fan Club,” shot at the Rose Bowl, made its debut shortly after.
 

 

 
Cute Librarian Alert—many thanks to Beth Piwkowski for this sassy find!

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Discussion
Black Sabbath’s ‘Sweet Leaf’: The smooth jazz version
04.23.2014
06:58 am

Topics:
Amusing
Music

Tags:
Ozzy Osbourne
Black Sabbath
Tony Iommi


 
Is there a place in Black Sabbath for the likes of David Sanborn? I know what you’re thinking: Fuuuuuuck that. But seriously, give this video a try and just see if Sabbath wasn’t crying out for the smooth jazz treatment all along. You might be surprised…

I’ve watched this video three times now and it makes me crack up every time. I still can’t quite figure out what it is that makes it work so well; the original footage possesses some quality that makes it fit, whether it’s Tony Iommi’s supremely sweet and confident manner of wielding the axe or Ozzy’s sweaty gyrations with the mic. Probably both!

Ozzy’s habit of suddenly springing up into the air kills me every goddamn time. You gotta give it to him, he is really into it, smooth jazz or not.
 

 
(Here’s the original footage, for those who are curious.)

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
Driving in Ethiopia is some scary shit!
04.22.2014
02:14 pm

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
Ethiopia
Traffic


 
No traffic lights in Meskel Square, Ethiopia… not a problem, apparently! It’s amazing how everyone driving is in-sync with the chaos. It’s like its second nature to local drivers. Incredible, but I can’t believe not one car accident occurred during the 2-minute duration of this video.

At first I thought the soundtrack was a cover of “Apple Suckling Tree” from The Basement Tapes, but maybe it’s “Froggy Went A-Courtin’”? Hard to tell.

 
Via reddit

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
Elvis’ Greatest Shit: 50,000,000 Elvis fans CAN be wrong
04.21.2014
08:50 am

Topics:
Amusing
Movies
Music

Tags:
Elvis Presley
bootleg


 
Although the intention of Elvis’ Greatest Shit to wallow in bad taste is pretty obvious from its use of the infamous coffin shot of a dead King of Rock and Roll (allegedly shot by Elvis’ cousin BIlly Mann and sold to the National Enquirer for $18,000) on the album cover, let alone the blunt title, can it honestly be said that the external trappings are any worse here than the music within?

Probably not.

Compiled by a mysterious bootlegger named “Richard” on “Dog Vomit Records”—purveyors of “Let’s Drop Some ‘Ludes And Vomit With Jimi Hendrix”—the collection was exactly what you’d think it is, the worst of the worst of Elvis Presley’s musical output, most of it sourced from his Hollywood films, with a few numbers recorded in the waning years before he’d eaten his last deep-fried peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich.

With song selections like “He’s Your Uncle, Not Your Dad” (about an IRS audit), “Dominic” (about an impotent bull”), “Queenie Wahine’s Papaya” (don’t wanna know) and “Fort Lauderdale Chamber of Commerce” (what?), Elvis himself probably would have agreed that this was the worst dross he’d ever recorded. Hell, no wonder he became such a waste case. Imagine how humiliating these songs were for him to sing, and this was still a good few years away from Elvis’ awful BJ Thomas cover version-era of the 1970s!
 

“Old MacDonald Had a Farm” from Double Trouble
 

“Yoga Is As Yoga Does,” a duet with Elsa Lanchester(!) from 1967’s Easy Come, Easy Go
 

“He’s Your Uncle, Not Your Dad” from Speedway
 
More of Elvis’ Greatest Shit after the jump…

Posted by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Sparks: This karaoke bar ain’t big enough for both of us
04.21.2014
08:00 am

Topics:
Amusing
Music

Tags:
Sparks
Russell Mael

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I have to admit that Sparks are my most favorite band in the whole wide world. But you don’t really need to know that. All you need to know is that Russell Mael visited a karaoke parlor in Tokyo last year during Sparks tour of Japan, when he noticed they carried the Mael brothers’ classic hit “This Town Ain’t Big Enough For Both Of Us.” What else could Russell do but have a go?

Mr. Mael’s rendition is certainly superb, and would definitely pass any audition for a Sparks tribute band. He may also have hit upon a new trend for touring bands: visit karaoke bars and sing along to their hits. Russell Mael has certainly thrown down a gauntlet that will be difficult to better with this performance.
 

 
With thanks to Michael Gallagher

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
Church gets in on the 4/20 Easter action: ‘Because you can’t get any higher than RISEN!’
04.18.2014
03:11 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Belief
Drugs

Tags:
Marijuana
420
Easter


 
Freedom Church, located in Los Angeles, is getting in on the 4/20 action this Easter with the tagline, “Because you can’t get any higher than RISEN!”

Yes. Yes, you can.

Apparently they’ve never smoked pure THC hash oil through a Healthstone waterpipe rig.


 

 
Via Christian Nightmares

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
‘Heaven Is For Real’ kid’s interview on Fox News is COMEDY GOLD


 

Sean Hannity: Do you think everybody goes to Heaven?

Colton Burpo: Um…. No. Not everybody does go to Heaven.

Sean Hannity: How do you know?

Colton Burpo, the little boy who had an NDE on an operating table a few years back and claimed to have been to Heaven, has had his experiences “there” recounted in several Heaven is for Real books that have sold like hotcakes to people desperate to believe they will live forever in the Kingdom of Heaven, eternally youthful, kickin’ it with their homeboy Jesus C. and all the dead people they ever knew.

Watch this clip of Colton promoting his parents’ books (his dad is a minister and radio broadcaster, natch) and a major Hollywood film about to come out based on this fiction. From where I’m sitting it seems rather obvious that this kid is lying through his teeth and Sean Hannity is just too stupid not to uncritically believe every word of it.

This is truly remarkable, Marjoe Gortner-level hoodoo nonsense. Even by the admittedly sad standards of Fox News, this is riveting in its abject stupidity…

Colton Burpo: Heaven is… such an amazing place and… and you just want to be there for a long time. I mean, I didn’t wanna come back.

Sean Hannity: What’s the difference… in other words, what did you see? What did you feel? Who did you meet?

Colton Burpo: Well, I saw a lot of stuff… In Heaven there are a lot of colors, but there’s even more than we have down here on Earth. Also I got to meet my great grandpa and my sister who was miscarriaged and… it just feels like home.

Hannity: And she came up to you? Are you there physically or spiritually?

Colton Burpo: You are there physically. You do have your own body.

Hannity: You were there in your body?

Colton Burpo: Well, not my earthly body, they were working on my earthly body.

Hannity: It’s the same? You look the same, relatively speaking?

Colton Burpo: Relatively speaking. If you die an old man or an old woman, you’ll be in your prime, like your late 20s, early 30s.

Hannity: And you say that you met Jesus Christ and God. (Colton nods) Can you describe God and Jesus Christ?

Colton Burpo: Well, Jesus was more like the humanoid version. He’s the one you can relate to because he… loves you so much and he’s actually your size, so you can like walk with him and talk with him.

Hannity: And you talked with him?

Colton Burpo: Yes.

Hannity: And he talked to you?

Colton Burpo: Yes.

Hannity: What did he say?

Colton Burpo: Well, I can’t remember what all it was that we talked about because some of it he even taught me! God has not allowed me to remember what Jesus has taught me.

Hannity: You saw God?

It just gets worse—and even more painfully funny—from there…

You can easily see why Hannity’s audience would eat this shit up, because it sounds exactly like something they already believe. Of course every mean old Archie Bunker watching Fox News will be young again in Heaven. Forever and ever! Throw away that Viagra! No need for it in Heaven, you’ll be 30 again soon, dude…

This is why there needs to a separation between church and state: America is a country full to the bursting point with idiots.
 

 
Via Christian Nightmares

Posted by Richard Metzger | Discussion
UFO, weird weather, birds… or an angry god? That mysterious black ring in the sky, explained
04.16.2014
06:09 am

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
UFOs

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You may have read about the mysterious “big black ring” that recently appeared in the sky over Leamington Spa, near Warwick Castle in England?

The strange black halo was captured by 16-year-old schoolgirl Georgina Heap on her iPhone, as it appeared overhead whilst she was playing tennis with her mother, Jo. The ring floated in the air for several minutes, before disappearing. When Georgina shared the footage with the British media, it led to considerable debate as to what the mysterious circle could possibly be?

Was it possibly something to do with the weather, a rain cloud perhaps? The Met Office said no, it was not weather related.

Was it a UFO? Nick Pope, an expert on UFOs and former government advisor, said no, it looked more organic in form.

Was the black ring was made up by thousands of swarming insects, or possibly birds?

And lastly and most unlikely, was the ominous black ring a sign of a disgruntled deity calling time on humanity….?

None of these answers seemed to fit (especially the last one) and a search for what could have caused the hovering halo led to considerable debate on social media and television as to what exactly had Georgina filmed?

Well, all can now be revealed, and while some sticklers were hoping for a close encounter with some alien intelligence, the mysterious circle has turned out to be nothing more than a puff of smoke caused by fireworks launched from nearby Warwick Castle.

BBC News reports that a spokesman from Warwick Castle explained on Tuesday afternoon that they had been testing “fire effects” to go with the daily firing of the Trebuchet Fireball—a giant catapult.

“We’ve seen a number of different effects, including the vortex images that have been reported,” the spokesman said. “As yet we don’t know what causes the phenomenon but it’s certainly a spooky spectacle.”

So, there you have it, no UFOs, no god, and certainly no treason, or plot. Just a little gunpowder.
 

 
Via BBC News

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
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