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‘You’re in a lot of shit’: Parents bust teen house party, 1988
03.28.2015
10:13 am

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
parents
parties


 
Here’s a short, amusing video of teenagers rocking out to Roxette’s “The Look” whilst having a small house party in 1988. Everyone is having a good time that is until… the parental units come home and shut the whole thing down.

Mom uses the word “kiddo.” You know you’re in big trouble when your mother calls you “kiddo.”

 
via Gawker

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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A handy guide to sex in the Middle Ages: The original ‘Just Say No’ campaign
03.27.2015
10:59 am

Topics:
Amusing
History
Sex

Tags:
Medieval
Penitentials

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Forget the romance about damsels in distress and knights in shining armor—having sex in Medieval times was definitely a no-no. Well, according to ye olde religious edicts that is.

For example: if it was Sunday, Wednesday, Friday or Saturday then it was a sin to have sex. If it was daylight or you were naked—you weren’t allowed to have sex either. If the wife was menstruating, pregnant or nursing a child—yep, sex was definitely out. As it was during Lent, Advent, Whitsun week, Easter, feast days and fast days. In fact, having sex was only allowed according to the penitentials if you wanted a child and then you could only do it so long as there was no fondling, no lewd kisses, no oral, no strange positions, and even then you could only do it once and you had better not enjoy it.
 
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‘I’m not enjoying this, darling.’ ‘Me neither.’
 
As you can imagine, back in these feudal times finding a place to make out was difficult—accommodation was cramped, often cold and damp and lacked privacy. Out in the fields, or in a hay loft was more suitable, as was inside a church, which as Ruth Mazo Karras notes was:

...safe, dry, and deserted for much of the day, might have been the equivalent of the back seat of a car.

 
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Because of religious belief abstinence had to be observed during the 46 to 62 days of Lent, the four weeks of Advent, and the 40 to 60 days around the Feast of the Pentecost. To help people people find suitable times to have intercourse Penitentials—“books which gave the rules of sex and the penance for breaking them”—were devised by the church. The Anglo-Saxon Canons of Theodor included the following punishments for deviation from the proscribed sex acts:

Whoever fornicates with an effeminate male or with another man or with an animal must fast for 10 years. Elsewhere it says that whoever fornicates with an animal must fast 15 years and sodomites must fast for 7 years….

There was similar rules for pleasuring oneself:

If he defiles himself, he is to abstain from meat for four days. He who desires to fornicate (with) himself and is not able to do so, he must fast for 40 days or 20 days. If he is a boy and does it often, either he is to fast 20 days or one is to whip him….

Women were also threatened with dreadful punishments should they give into the temptation of pleasuring themselves with a homemade, edible or mechanical instrument:

Have you done what certain women are accustomed to do, that is to make some sort of device or implement in the shape of the male member of a size to match your sinful desire? If you have done this, you shall do penance for five years on legitimate holy days.

But there was worse….

Whoever ejaculates seed into the mouth, that is the worst evil. From someone it was judged that they repent this up to the end of their lives.

 
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‘Arms above the bedsheets, please.’
 
It wasn’t just the church who were quick to denounce people doing what comes naturally. Royals, nobles and landowners used their power to influence young lovers. King Phillip of France was known as “Phillip the Fair”—I think we’ll have to think of him fair of skin rather than fair or just. When he discovered some of his favorite knights were having “relations” with his three daughters, he had these men arrested and disemboweled. His daughters were sent off to a nunnery for their sins.

Interestingly, prostitution thrived in Medieval times and was generally ignored by the Church, or at worst considered a necessary evil, as scholar and saint, Thomas Aquinas thought:

If prostitution were to be suppressed, careless lusts would overthrow society.

Most towns had a brothel. Prostitutes were recognizable by their dress—a veil and a garment with a bold yellow stripe. Regular customers probably came from the wealthier classes.

This handy little diagram explains the ins and outs (ahem) of what was or was not acceptable—and explains why if you were young, horny and fancied some slap and tickle then you were well and truly screwed.
 
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Via The Medievalists and Oddee.
 

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
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‘Silencing Slider’: Cheeseburger ball gag
03.27.2015
08:56 am

Topics:
Amusing
Food
Sex

Tags:
ball gags
cheeseburger


 
This is like the Idiocracy BDSM version of ball gags except these probably don’t have electrolytes in ‘em. ‘Murica, meet the “Silencing Slider” cheeseburger ball gag.


 
Honestly, I can’t think of anything sexier than this. No Thing.

Each “Silencing Slider” is handcrafted in the USA and are made of “soft and non-toxic natural food grade silicone rubber, the gag has no unpleasant plastic smells or odors!”

They’re available for $69 (get it?) at Burger Gag.


 
via Geekologie.

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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Waste your time with this Joy Division/Teletubbies mashup. SERIOUSLY.
03.27.2015
06:57 am

Topics:
Amusing
Music
Television

Tags:
Joy Division
Teletubbies


 
The Internet works so quickly it could give you whiplash. Yesterday, Vanyaland posted this desaturated image of the Teletubbies, noting that the actually nightmarish image could have been a still from the famous video Anton Corbijn made for the Joy Division song “Atmosphere.”
 

 
In no time flat, a YouTube user named Christopher G. Brown uploaded a black and white video of the Teletubbies frolicking to that song. Somehow, the rotund and eternally chipper children’s TV mainstays’ merry (if admittedly kind of creepily surreal) countryside cavorting is a perfect fit with the forlorn, elegiac majesty of the JD song. I can’t even add anything here, just watch it.
 

 
A million thanks to Nerdhole‘s Mary P. Traverse for this day-making find.

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Discussion
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When The Hound from ‘Game of Thrones’ sold breakfast cereal

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Long before Rory McCann became internationally known as scarred, brooding hardman “The Hound” Sandor Clegane in Game of Thrones, he was the pin-up poster boy for Scotland’s traditional breakfast cereal Scott’s Porage Oats.

“Porage Oats” is a brand of porridge that takes its name from the Scottish word “poray” and the French word “potage”—hence porage. While porridge has long been a Scottish dietary staple, often providing breakfast, lunch and dinner, Scott’s Porage Oats has been household favorite since the late 1800s. A welcome winter-warmer, Scott’s Porage Oats is instantly recognizable with its distinctive packaging of a Highland laddie in kilt and vest putting a shot.
 
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This iconic image was first added to the packaging in 1924, and it has been suggested that the figure was modeled on a soldier from the King’s Own Scottish Borderers, whose barracks were not far from Scott’s oat mills in Edinburgh. According to their website:

This figure of strength, health and vitality has changed only a little over the years as fashion conscious and enthusiastic Marketing Managers have lengthened and shortened his hair, and occasionally, very controversially, his kilt.

With his Sean Conneryesque good looks and powerful build, McCann was the ideal actor to bring this trademark figure to life. In 1999 he was cast as the ever-helpful Highland laddie in a series of adverts.
 

 
What Scotsmen wear under their kilts and more top shelf entertainment, after the jump….

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
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‘Pattern Behavior’: The funniest site you’ll see on the Internet today
03.26.2015
06:28 am

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
comedy
sewing


 
Chicago comedian Natalie Kossar’s Pattern Behavior is the current hot-shit Tumblr blowing up the Twitterverse, and for good reason. Go there right now and laugh your ass off at her cleverly détourned sewing pattern packages.

According to Kossar:

After my mother insisted that I help her “use Google” to find a particular sewing pattern from 1989, I became fascinated and inspired by McCall’s vintage sewing patterns. Only instead of using them to make clothes, I decided to make these cartoons.

Kossar’s captioning style plays on the inherent dated tackiness of the painted models, creating modern “truthful” scenarios that apply snarky realism to the absurdity of the poses and positions—which are virtually crying out for explanation. She manages to do this without taking cheap, obvious shots. The results are hilarious, as you will see.

We dare you to find anything funnier on the Internet today.
 

 

 
More after the jump…

Posted by Christopher Bickel | Discussion
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Shitty toupée could land man in jail
03.25.2015
02:17 pm

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
toupee


No, this isn’t the offending toupée.

A Norway man is finding himself in hot water and could possibly face jail time after cutting off his own hair and beard and then gluing it another man’s head in an attempt to create an awesome looking toupée.

According to attorney Harald Bilberg, everyone involved consented to this rather peculiar method. “He was bald, so the accused claims that they had agreed to create a toupée for the aggrieved party,” said Bilberg.

Bilberg admits this is one of the most unusual cases he’s ever taken on.

The man responsible for the shitty toupée is only being described as someone in his 40s who has done some other petty crimes before.

The Local did say that the offending toupée maker, “was arrested once again on Friday after breaking the restraining order imposed to protect the recipient of the home-made toupée.”


 
via The Local and Arbroath

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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Can you spot the weird ninja guy lurking under the bridge?
03.24.2015
08:07 am

Topics:
Amusing
Unorthodox

Tags:
photography
creepy

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I’m not usually a fan of these “you’ll holler when you see it” pictures, but this one is kinda creepy and reminded me of the Richard Laymon book Night in Lonesome October that had a bunch of weird flesh-eating trolls who lurked under a bridge.

This guy is probably no cannibal (I hope), but the figure he does cut is definitely rather eerie.

reddit user youeatMYboogers was taking photographs of underneath the 4th Street Bridge, Los Angeles, unaware he was being spied on. It wasn’t until he got home did he notice his secret observer.
 
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Do you see him now?

The photographer had no idea that he and his friend were being watched by this guy for over twenty minutes.

More after the jump…

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
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Random tweets reformatted as Western Union telegrams
03.23.2015
12:26 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Art
Science/Tech

Tags:
Twitter
telegrams
Western Union


”@kiki_13056,” 2013
 
I stumbled across the work of Charles Gute when a friend sent me an image of this amusing, meta-commentary pin. That drove me to his website, and I was not disappointed.

This series is called “Random Tweets Reformatted as Telegrams.” It’s an easy trick, but putting these “virtual” messages usually consumed on smartphone screens on old-timey telegrams more redolent of the Wild West or the Hindenburg crash or something, it just works.

Gute notes that “there are notable similarities between formats, such as the economy of words and syntax imposed by a limited number of characters,” which is certainly true. Plus, the last Western Union telegram, a medium that had existed for more than a century, coincided almost exactly with the first Tweet—there was a gap of almost two months—so it’s like the one short-form method of communication passed the baton on to the other.
 

”@hanannanahh,” 2013
 

”@longliveallyson,” 2012
 

”@zackshack,” 2013
 
More old-timey tweets after the jump…....
 

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
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Ridiculous plateware shaped like specific foods
03.23.2015
08:45 am

Topics:
Amusing
Design
Food

Tags:
plateware


Breaded fish and rice
 
Here’s a whimsical and marvelously impractical plateware idea from Kahla at 5.5 Design Studio: plates designed to fit specific meals. The idea is that you can plan out your week this way, with “Daily Menu Plates” for breaded fish, a chicken leg, a single sausage, and so on.

The drawback of the plan becomes apparent when you try to consider what happens in week 2, of course. Equally obviously, flat plates designed to hold a hamburger will hold a lobster roll equally well.

Here is the explanatory text from Kahla:
 

Au quotidien, les plats qui composent et définissent notre alimentation de base sont souvent un peu archétypaux : jambon / coquillettes, Poulet / frites, côtelette / petits pois, poisson pané / riz.

«Daily Menu» est une collection d’assiettes biomorphiques qui joue de ces clichés et qui nous accompagne tout au long de la semaine. Ces assiettes fonctionnent comme des fiches recettes pour nous suggérer des idées de repas quand le manque d’inspiration nous envahit. A chaque jour son plat et à chaque plat son assiette!

In everyday life, the dishes that make up and define our basic food are often a little archetypal: ham / macaroni, chicken / fries, chop / peas, breaded fish / rice.

“Daily Menu” is a collection of biomorphic plates that plays with these clichés and accompanies us throughout the week. These plates function as recipe cards to suggest meal ideas when lack of inspiration strikes. Each day has its plate and each dish his plate!

 
Shit, I could really go for some bangers and mash right now….
 

Chicken and fries
 

Chop and peas
 
More of these things after the jump…

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
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