follow us in feedly
The Mad Monk’s junk: Is this the mythically massive member of Rasputin?
01.28.2015
08:38 am

Topics:
Amusing
History
Sex

Tags:
Rasputin


 
Romanov svengali Grigori Rasputin is so steeped in legend, he’s become more myth than man, but in my opinion the most fascinating bit of Rasputin rumor pertains to this jarred pickle right here—reported to be the Mad Monk’s massive member. The manic-looking man holding the jar is Igor Knyazkin, Head Physician of the Prostate Center of Russian Academy of Sciences and the founder of The Museum of Erotica in St. Petersburg Russia—that’s right, an actual doctor, who put together a museum of his own creepy collectibles. Obviously we have no way of confirming this is actually Rasputin’s junk (I guess it got misplaced in all the commotion after he was supposedly, poisoned, beaten, stabbed, shot and castrated), but since the artifact is between 11 and 13 inches long it remains a novelty in its own right, though some suggest the specimen is actually animal genitalia.

If this is the Mad Monk’s junk, it’s traveled extensively! The jarred pee pee’s journey can allegedly be traced back to Paris in the 20s, when it was apparently worshipped for its mystical fertility powers until Rasputin’s surviving daughter intervened. At one point there was definitely a false phallus floating around, inherited by the same daughter. After her death, it was willed to a Rasputin biographer who learned upon testing it that it was actually a sea cucumber (how embarrassing!). I don’t much mind a man with 15,000 sex objects using a bit of famous phallic flash to get people into his weird museum. My main “beef” with Knyazkin is that he claims viewing “little Rasputin” can correct sexual dysfunction—if anything, looking at the specimen on display at this museum might leave you impotent!
 

 

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
follow us in feedly
Apparently David Cronenberg is a huge ‘Dilbert’ fan
01.26.2015
03:29 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Art
Movies

Tags:
David Cronenberg
Dilbert


 
I just wanted to collect a few related data points here on the theme of David Cronenberg and Dilbert, the comic strip.

Cronenberg has probably directed more impressive and awesome movies than any living English speaker. Let’s list a few of the standouts, of which there are many: Rabid, Scanners, The Dead Zone, Videodrome, The Fly, Dead Ringers, Naked Lunch, Crash, eXistenZ, A History of Violence, Eastern Promises, Cosmopolis, and Maps to the Stars.

From there we pivot to Cronenberg’s interest in Dilbert—indeed, intense appreciation of Dilbert. The evidence is incontrovertible.

First we have this item from the November 24, 2014 issue of New York Magazine. The heading reads “The Best Gift I Ever Got Was a….” Cronenberg’s answer went like this: “Every year, my kids get me a ‘Dilbert’ calendar. It’s extremely funny and sophisticated and accurate—very philosophical for a daily cartoon. I really need that calendar every year. It keeps me going.”
 

 
In this recent interview with Scene Creek, Cronenberg mentioned Dilbert in a positive way. Deflecting criticisms that Maps of the Stars is an “attack” on Hollywood, Cronenberg insists that he did not think of it that way, then says, “That’s not unique to Hollywood. Any human endeavor has those aspects. Look at various forms of pop culture that can skewer any business, be it Wall Street, or Silicon Valley, or Dilbert, the cartoon.” Hmmmm.

Then, just about a year ago, Cronenberg accepted a Lifetime Achievement Award at the Canadian Screen Awards, and in his speech, he related the entire content of a Dilbert strip that first ran on February 15, 2001. Here is that strip:
 

 
You can watch a clip below of Cronenberg accepting the award—unfortunately, it’s a phonecam video of the user’s TV set, but you can still make it out. After introductions from Jay Baruchel and Viggo Mortensen and a three-minute montage of Cronenberg’s movies that WILL make you want to watch one of his movies, Cronenberg took the stage and eventually mused on the possibility of an Afterlife Achievement Award, and then said this:
 

So as I would always do in a situation like that I turned to the comic strip Dilbert for guidance. Dilbert has an evil, vicious dog named Dogbert. Dogbert says to him, “The key to happiness is self-delusion, so don’t think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing to oblivion.” And Dilbert says, “Well, actually, I hadn’t had that thought until just now.” And Dogbert says, “Don’t blame me. I said ‘Don’t.’” And suddenly I thought, yeah, if it’s human delusion that allows you to think that there’s an afterlife, well I’m human and I’m certainly deluded.

 
So David Cronenberg loves Dilbert. I honestly don’t know whether this changes my perception of Dilbert or my perception of Cronenberg…..
 

 
via Waxin’ & Milkin’

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
follow us in feedly
If Steve Buscemi and David Bowie had a lovechild, in one animated GIF
01.26.2015
03:10 pm

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
David Bowie
Steve Buscemi


 
Remember that animated GIF by UK-based illustrator Helen Green showing all the style incarnations of David Bowie throughout his career? It made the rounds on the Internet a few weeks ago. Dangerous Minds blogged about it here.

Well, someone—someone with clearly too much time on their hands—swapped out Bowie’s face for Steve Buscemi’s and… voilà! You now have this ridiculous animated GIF of Steve Buscemi that shall reside on the Internet. Forever.

I’m not saying this is great or anything. I’m merely saying… here it is.


 
Via Everlasting Blort

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
follow us in feedly
Cthulhu Yoga: Goths embrace their dark side while staying fit


 
The New York Times style section is infamously incompetent at determining which trends are real and which trends are trolls. You’d think they’d have learned something after the infamous “grunge speak” hoax in which a Sub Pop Records receptionist convinced them that a bunch of silly gibberish was the latest in Generation X slang, but the incident didn’t stop them from reporting on normcore and monocles. At least the Health Goth trend has some organic roots. There is some debate as to whether weird sporty/satanic fashion hybrid was born on Tumblr or Facebook, and even more as to whether or not Health Goth even generally entails working out—the only thing we can be sure of is that sportswear and heavy black eyeliner are far less mutually exclusive than they used to be.

Let’s say you want to combine fitness and darkness, but don’t have access to a gym with Bauhaus-blasting cycling classes. Never fear, online tutorials already exist! “Yoga Fhtagn” (from “Cthulhu fhtagn,” meaning “Cthulhu waits”), and combines a Lovecraftian horror (is Lovecraft goth?) with low-impact Sun Salutation—minus the sun. The class of the damned is actually led and narrated by no other than feminist writer/journalist and and Harvard Fellow, Laurie Penny—so you know the politics of Health Goth are soundly left (and also that quite a few of the people that admire the style have a sense of humor about how silly it is).

Billed as “the ultimate health goth workout,” Penny’s says her routine will help us “tone our bodies, while slowly losing our minds,” but the video cuts mysteriously short, most likely owing to cosmic monstrosities. Hey, no pain, no gain.
 

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
follow us in feedly
The grossest lollipops. EVER.
01.26.2015
07:37 am

Topics:
Amusing
Food

Tags:
Scotland
DIY
recipe
haggis


 
As I am more gourmand than gourmet, and more human garbage disposal than either of those things, I refuse to turn up my nose at any dish I’ve never eaten. Texture doesn’t throw me off (I love escargot and gelatinous Chinese mushrooms) nor does appearance (paneer saag—looks unholy, tastes of the heavens). But I have a mental block over the traditional Scottish dish, haggis. It’s not the idea of a sheep’s heart, liver and lungs boiled with fat and oatmeal inside its own stomach—I’ve no aversion to organ meat. For me, it’s the trypophobia—fear of a dense collection of holes, or rather the revulsion I feel upon seeing the honeycomb pattern of something like tripe, which is the casing of haggis. (Trypophobia is not however, named for tripe—they’re false cognates.)

I was actually under the impression that there would be no way to make haggis seem more repellent to me, but then some culinary sadist went and produced them in hors d’oeuvre “pop” form. Yes, like a haggis lollipop. A tripe lollipop. A tripe fucking lollipop garnished with a little tartan bow. In an attempt to overcome my completely irrational phobia, I’ve been subjecting myself to the images from this tutorial for haggis pops over and over again, and if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to narrate my disgust.
 

 
Guts! No problem there! I can watch graphic surgeries or brutal Hollywood gore with no problem. I cook my own meat—guts mean nothing to me, man.
 

 
This is where I start to get uncomfortable. This is the stomach and while I can’t see the honeycomb holes, I spot a glimpse of the villi—tiny little wormy hairlike structures that aid in digestion by increasing surface area. I don’t like villi either.
 

 
That is a disgusting amount of villi and I am openly shuddering right now. The tiny residue of cavewoman survival instinct and my brain is screaming at me to find whoever this person is and save them from the poison they are about to eat.
 

 
Oh thank God, we’re back to guts.
 

 
Hey it’s starting to look like food!
 

 
Okay, it is food now.
 

 
What are you doing?!? What are you doing with that?!? Nothing should ever look like that!! You’re making something evil!!
 

 
There is no God. We live in a bleak amoral universe. When we die, we’re meat, just like these… pops.
 

 
[Vomits. Screams. Pours bleach in eyes. Self-immolates.]

I honestly hope that you don’t share my lizard-brained aversion to the tripe surface of haggis, and I hope you’ll check out the full tutorial below—Burns Night has come and gone, but it’s never to early to start planning your next haggis-based soirée! If you are a fellow trypophobic, I sincerely apologize, I and hope you understand that the people of Scotland are at least partially responsible for your current condition. Blame them!

Via Instructables

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
follow us in feedly
Decorate your ENTIRE home with Lemmy Kilmister housewares
01.23.2015
11:55 am

Topics:
Amusing
Music

Tags:
Lemmy
Motörhead
home decorating


Get yer Lemmy duvet here.
 
I’m simply posting this because… you can really do this. The idea of furnishing your entire living space head to toe in Lemmy-themed housewares seems absurd, yes, but dammit… it can be done!

I never thought in a million years I’d be able to purchase a Lemmy duvet cover, a Lemmy wall clock, Lemmy accent pillows or even a Lemmy shower curtain. But thanks to the Internet and sites like Society6, you and I can do just that.

I’ve provided links below each image in case you’ve gotta own it.


Get it here.
 

Get it here.
 

Get it here.
 

Get it here.
 

Get it here
 
More after the jump…
 

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
follow us in feedly
CGI versions of classic film trailers: ‘Grease,’ ‘Apocalypse Now,’ ‘Alien’ & ‘The Big Lebowski’

apocbrananima.jpg
 
A crack team of second year Character Animators and CG Artists at The Animation Workshop/VIA UC in Viborg, Denmark, were given the task of producing 30-second trailers inspired by classic movies. The animators produced a selection of beautifully executed work which included trailers for Francis Ford Coppola’s last great movie Apocalypse Now, Wim Wenders’ cult hit Paris Texas, everyone’s holiday season favorite Casablanca and the rock ‘n’ roll musical Grease—which has been made into an interesting hybrid using elements from Tron and Blade Runner.

Previous trailers made by the workshop include Alien and The Big Lebowski (which has hints of Kung Fu Panda in it)—all of these and others can be viewed here.

The Animation Workshop is considered to be “one of the most dedicated animation institutions in the world,” and you can have god look at their back catalog here.
 

Apocalypse Now
 

Paris Texas
 

Casablanca
 

Grease
 
Bonus trailer for ‘Alien’ and ‘The Big Lebowski,’ after the jump…
 

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
follow us in feedly
Snatch and the Poontangs: Johnny and Shuggie Otis’ filthy, hilarious blues/soul party record
01.23.2015
07:32 am

Topics:
Amusing
Music
Sex

Tags:
Shuggie Otis
Johnny Otis


 
In 1969, an eponymous LP appeared by “Snatch and the Poontangs,” first as a self-release (catalog number SNATCH 101), and later on Kent Records. Given the band’s name and its unabashedly profane and oversexed lyrical content, there was no chance of airplay for the record even in as indulgent a period as the late 1960s. The band was doomed to obscurity until it came to light that Snatch and the Poontangs were in fact the great R&B producer/bandleader/impressario Johnny Otis (credited as “The Hawk”), his gifted guitarist son Shuggie Otis (“Prince Wunnerful”), and vocalist Delmar Evans (“The Mouth”), which made the album a collectible. The misapprehension that R. Crumb drew the cover surely moved a few copies, too, but he did not. The artwork is by Johnny Otis himself.

As bluesy rock of the period goes, the album (there’s a 7” single as well, but it may be a later release, I can’t find information on its provenance anywhere) is fairly unremarkable—buying it because you like Shuggie Otis’ Inspiration Information might be ill-advised, though talented, he was still only 16 when this stuff was recorded—but the outrageous lyrics do the heavy lifting of making the record totally worth it. Check out “Hey Shine,” a ribald re-working of Otis’ classic “Willie and the Hand Jive.” Do I even still need to tell you it’s NSFW at this point?
 

 
The album opens with a lengthy version of the classic “Signifyin’ Monkey,” an American adaptation of an African trickster story. The trio had already recorded it a year earlier for the Johnny Otis album Cold Shot!, and a version would be released by Rudy Ray “Dolemite” Moore only one year later, on his second LP.
 

 
And the audacious album-closer “Two Girls in Love (With Each Other)” is little more than Shuggie meandering on guitar and organ (heh) while two women moan orgasmically.
 

 

 

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Discussion
follow us in feedly
Terrible heavy metal t-shirts
01.22.2015
07:24 am

Topics:
Amusing
Fashion
Music

Tags:
heavy metal
t-shirts


 
So we’re clear up front, obviously not ALL heavy metal t-shirts are terrible—you can have my 1997 Keelhaul shirt when you can steal it off my rigid corpse. And of course, over-the-top offensiveness is half or more of the point with a lot of the more brutal bands. But as with many things, a hell of a lot of these ARE just objectively, completely shitty, and the Metal is Awful Tumblr is dedicated to collecting photos of the very worst.

Metal has so many terrible aspects, but the worst is the fucking shirts.

This is where we revel in that awful truth.

We reserve the right to comment on any awful metal shite anywhere, anytime. But mostly just terrible shirts.

And Trey Azagthoth. That guy is an idiot.

 

One of Odin’s ethical axioms is apparently “blow up planet Harrelson.”
 

Morrissey has shirts that are more metal than Diabolos Rising‘s.
 

The front of this VxPxOxAxAxWxAxMxC shirt is kinda crap, too. I’ve never been sure if this band was a goof, or if they were legitimately trying SO HARD to be “extreme” they ended up hilarious by accident. The name stands for “Vaginal Penetration Of An Amelus With A Musty Carrot.” An amelus is a baby born with no limbs. Draw your own conclusions.
 
More ridiculous tees after the jump…

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Discussion
follow us in feedly
Unintentionally hilarious anti-domestic violence music video means well and yet…
01.21.2015
01:41 pm

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
DaddyDaDa


 
Meet Darryl Snider AKA DaddyDaDa. He’s got a little ditty he wants to rap for ya’ll called “Treat All Women With Respect.” Now when I clicked play and started watching I immediately assumed that this was an Adult Swim piece for their Infomercials block. You know, where Too Many Cooks came from. But it’s not. It’s actually a real low-budget music video sincerely preaching against domestic violence. It just goes about its mission in a very, very odd manner.

While I applaud DaddyDaDa’s efforts and the video’s message, I really don’t think it’s going to have any effect at all in the fight against domestic violence. As in none. With its opening lyrics “One, two, three four, no more women on the floor” and that flute break (yep, there’s a flute break) this is just… WHAT IS THIS exactly?!

Heads up guys - I’m talking to you,
Life’s not easy – so what ya gonna do?
Step to the plate and be a man
Never hit a woman - or abuse a child
It’s just wrong - and illegal too
Someday it will catch up with you
Times have changed - domestic violence
Will no longer go down - and be silenced

The forced couplets are the least of it, though. Perhaps I’m being a tad harsh and this is actually pure genius?

 
via reddit

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
follow us in feedly
Page 1 of 382  1 2 3 >  Last ›