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‘Murderous-death clown’ not as scary as originally reported
10.14.2014
08:50 am

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
Wasco Clown

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Who doesn’t like clowns? Well, apparently most of you don’t. They’re scary, unappealing and downright eerie. When clowns were used to help calm sick kids in Sheffield, England, researcher Dr. Penny Curtis found they had exactly the opposite effect:

“As adults we make assumptions about what works for children.

“We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable.”

They’re unknowable because the fuckers are always smiling no matter what they’re thinking or feeling inside, and many imagine that red-lipped painted-on smile hides a nasty set of razor sharp teeth ready to chow down on your face.

Though probably not.

The appearance of a clown in Wasco, California has been inspiring the worst kind of fear stories about manic clowns terrorizing the neighborhood, leading to headlines such as:

Sinister clowns frighten residents in Central California towns

(That’s from TIME magazine, no less…)

Murderous-death clowns stalk southern California

(And that’s from Slate, which really should know better…)

And there’s also:

Hair-raising! Clowns wandering streets at night creep out small town

Menacing clowns continue to creep out Bakersfield over the weekend

Creepy clowns carrying firearms, knives spook California city

But the truth behind such lurid headlines, as local news outlet Bakersfield Now points out, is rather different once you take time to find it.

So far there have not been any machete-wielding or gun-toting clowns roaming the dark night streets:

“It would be nice if they would gather their facts regarding their story,” said Bakersfield police Public Information Officer Sgt. Joe Grubbs.  “We haven’t had any clowns committing any types of murders, far from it,” said Grubbs.

The same sentiment is echoed by Ray Pruitt, spokesman for the Kern County Sheriff’s Office.

“We have not been able to, in any of the cases, substantiate that anybody has been a victim of a crime,” said Pruitt.

Grubbs and Pruitt said they have been fielding calls from media across the country and doing interviews for national media outlets regarding reports about people dressed as clowns engaged in criminal activity.

The whole thing started as an art project by a husband and wife team taking photos of Bobo the clown at various locations across the county. People started to notice this strange night visitor and soon a non-affiliated Facebook page was started to document people’s sightings. The Wasco Clown FB page explains some of the background to the story:

Do you even know what our clown is doing??? Well, surely you must if you are following his page! Wait, maybe some of you do not know because you’re too busy running your mouths to know what he is doing. So let me enlighten you. He is his wife’s subject for the month of October for a photography project of hers that is a year-long deal. Until one particular new station hunted him down without his permission they probably just thought that this was going to be shared amongst their friends and maybe a few Wasconians. Well then it went viral. Right before the news story first appeared last week I created this page. I was curious about him as well. I created this page for people to be able to report sightings and share pictures. Eventually Bobo and his wife contacted me. I asked if they wanted me to delete the page and they did not they approved of it. Then came about an idea to sell souvenir T-shirts. It was decided that the profit from the shirts would be divided up between autism and pediatric cancer research and the Wasco fireworks fund. Our clown and his wife only go out and take their nightly photo and go home. He does not chase anyone he does not threaten anyone and he does not make public appearances at this time. I don’t know if he ever will. So to come on here and talk crap or threaten anyone is just plain ignorance. Especially if you are a parent. You would want a friend like the Wasco Clown if your baby was to fall ill because he would do whatever he could to raise money to help your baby. If you don’t like him just go away. You won’t be missed.

Sightings of a clown inspired others to get in on the act and only one incident involved the police:

Police did arrest a 14-year-old boy last week on the 800 block of Pacheco Road for dressing as a clown, chasing and scaring kids.  The boy did not have any weapons and police say the boy told them he did it to perpetuate the clown hoax he had seen online.

Law enforcement is obligated to check out the reports.  “We’re receiving these reports, we believe that they’re pranks, but we can’t assume that they’re pranks,” said Pruitt.

Meanwhile, the Real Wasco Clown posts updates on his Twitter feed, where he describes himself:

I am the creepy, evil-looking clown that is roaming the streets of Wasco, California at night. Come Find Me I will give you a balloon.

Perhaps the words “creepy” and “evil-looking” may not be too helpful in stopping the fear rumors, but the offer of a free balloon does suggest it’s all meant in fun. There’s also an Instagram page where you check out the latest Wasco Clown photographs.

Some of you may recall a similar story last year involving another Pennywise-lookalike in Northampton, England, where the clown eventually told his local newspaper:

“I just wanted to amuse people. Most people enjoy being a bit freaked out and then they can laugh about it afterwards. It’s like watching a horror movie, when people get scared they usually start laughing. Naturally, some people would have been extremely frightened by what they saw, but I hope many are starting to see it as a bit of harmless fun.”

All good fun…see?

And if you do see Bobo the Wasco Clown, say “Hello” and get a balloon.
 
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Via Bakersfield Now and The Wasco Clown
 

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
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Man admits to having sex with over 700 cars
10.14.2014
06:20 am

Topics:
Amusing
Sex

Tags:
car sex
Edward Smith

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Edward Smith, a 63-year-old man from Yelm, Thurston County, Washington, told a live morning TV show that he had made love to over 700 vehicles, including Mustangs, luxury Jaguars and even an attack helicopter.

Smith made the admission on the British family television show This Morning, telling hosts Phillip Schofield and Amanda Holden that he was a mechaphile—someone who is sexually attracted to machines—and prefers making love to motors than women. Smith said he had sex with vehicles since first being attracted to his neighbor’s Volkswagon Beetle when he was fourteen, when he was tempted to give the vehicle a “gentle caress.”:

“It has to do with the body itself. I’ve not been attached to any sort of penetration, but petting and hugging and feeling the body. I like feeling the satisfaction—masturbation—that’s done with the car, next to it.

“When I hold them in my arms, I feel an energy that comes from them. There’s a very deep love.”

Smith admitted he had difficulties in forming relationships with women and had only ever had one girlfriend “by some chance” in San Francisco in the early 1970s. However, he found the relationship unsatisfying.

Edward now has a long term sex partner that’s still… er… driving him wild, “Vanilla”—another VW Beetle that he bought in 1982.

“I first met her before I got her and then had the local Jehovah’s Witness driving around in one. There was something about that white ‘74 Beetle, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her,” he said.

“On my own private property is where we get mostly intimate. I’m very respectful not to be seen in public. I greet her every morning along with my truck Ginger.”

 
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Smith’s obsession of pulling up to the bumper (baby), and driving it in between tickles the Brits as he has previously appeared in the Daily Mirror last October, where he ‘fessed up to having sex with thousands of cars:

“Some guys look at boobs and bums on beautiful women. I look at the front and rear on beautiful cars.”

Then he claimed he was in an “open relationship” with his VW Vanilla and makes “love to his 1973 Opal GT called Cinnamon and a 1193 Ford Ranger called Splash.”
 
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But Vanilla is ‘the one’ and Edward likes to woo the white-coloured hatchback with picnics and wine-fuelled dates.

He added: “When I hold Vanilla in my arms there’s a powerful energy that comes from her. I would say it is extremely satisfying but at times a little melancholy because I know she cannot talk to me. But overall I know she feels what I feel and its intense.”

He added: “If anything was to happen to her I would be more than heartbroken.”

Smith also admitted in October 2013 that he was occasionally tempted to stray but added:

“I know better now than to pursue other people’s private property without permission. I will not deny that I look at other cars on TV or at shows and still get those old impulses and desires - but those were the early days. Now I want to settle down with Vanilla.”

He added: “There’s something about her that I can’t fully express on an emotional level except it’s very powerful and very sincere. I’m never ashamed or awkward in my heart. I have never questioned myself - I just love her.”

Well, that’s okay then….
 

 
Via This Morning, Daily Star and the Daily Mirror

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
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Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’ gets hilariously soothing makeover
10.13.2014
02:33 pm

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
Nicki Minaj


 
Redditor johnluckpickerd noticed his 12-year-old niece and her friends were constantly singing Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” without actually understanding its lyrics or meaning of the song.

Boy toy named Troy used to live in Detroit
Big dope dealer money, he was getting some coins
Was in shootouts with the law, but he live in a palace
Bought me Alexander McQueen, he was keeping me stylish
Now that’s real, real, real,
Gun in my purse, bitch I came dressed to kill
Who wanna go first? I had them pushing daffodils
I’m high as hell, I only took a half of pill
I’m on some dumb shit

Johnluckpickerd then decided to create this “Pop Music Poetry” for his niece’s mother so perhaps she would get a better idea of what her daughter and the rest of the kiddie gang were singing.

The original idea for this bit belongs to Steve Allen. But I think it’s no less culturally relevant.

Erik Satie meets Nicki Minaj? It all turned out rather… zen? I could totally see myself doing yoga to this. In fact, I just might give it to my yoga instructor. It works.
 

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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Calm your rage (or work on your handjob technique) with these stress reducing ‘shrooms
10.10.2014
01:59 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Drugs
Food

Tags:
mushrooms
stress


 
Never feel the need to lose your shit again, just grab your handy rubber mushroom and yank the hell out of it! 

... whether it’s financial pressures, relationship problems or overworking – just squeeze the bejesus out of a realistic rubber mushroom and feel your troubles fade away.

 
The stress reducing mushrooms are by Firebox and come in four different varieties: Enoki, Fly Agaric, King Trumpet and Matsutake.

  • Stretch them, twist them, smash them on the desk
  • Japan’s favourite anger management solution
  • Made from durable rubber, they even feel like the real thing
  • Non hallucinogenic, but more effective than magic mushrooms
  • Four different and slightly phallic fungi to choose from

Each mushroom goes for about $9.50 + shipping. They even feel like the real thing...

As a sidenote: THESE MUSHROOMS ARE NOT EDIBLE!!!


 

 

 
Via Boing Boing

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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‘Bob’s Boners’: The (inevitable?) ‘Bob’s Burgers’ porn parody
10.10.2014
09:14 am

Topics:
Amusing
Sex
Television

Tags:
Bob's Burgers


 
This is something I never thought I’d be typing out in a million years, but here goes: There’s a Bob’s Burgers porn parody called Bob’s Boners. Now I know there are a lot of porn parodies out there like Golden Girls XXX, Gay of Thrones, Naporneon Dynamite, Down on Abby: Tales From Bottomley Manor, This Ain’t Curb Your Enthusiasm: Curb Your Orgasm, aaaannnd drumroll please… Scooby-doo XXX: The Mystery of the Missing Panties.

But Bob’s Burgers?! Really? There’s even a Tina Belcher character who moans her signature “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” 

This one has me flummoxed. WHO would get off on seeing the Belcher family fuck? I have no words.

 
via Geekologie

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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‘South Park’ hilariously rips on today’s music in last night’s episode
10.09.2014
08:54 am

Topics:
Amusing
Animation
Television

Tags:
South Park


 
Here’s a little cut from last night’s South Park—episode 3 of season 18 titled “The Cissy”—where Randy shows his son Stan how it’s really done in the music world today.

Matt Stone and Trey Parker nail it as usual. Nail it.

 
h/t Peter Serafinowicz

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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TV Exorcist Bob Larson is making house calls!
10.08.2014
01:06 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Belief
Idiocracy
Kooks

Tags:
Bob Larson
Exorcism


 
Is TV evangelist and exorcist extraordinaire Bob Larson so down on his luck that he’s resorted to making house calls? Or is there a sudden and overwhelming demand of late for bogus exorcisms from callous grifters preying on the old and ignorant? I don’t know, but if you watch Larson’s TV commercial for his new house call business, you’d think pretty much the entire population is in desperate need of Larson’s soft touch to rid themselves of demons or other common household spiritual entities. The commercial is so ridiculous and comical it almost comes off as a Tim and Eric sketch or a commercial parody from Idiocracy.

As one woman named Rachel claims in the video, “...he already saw the demon within me before it was revealed I had Jezebel. Bob Larson’s amazing ability that he’s gifted with… I thank Bob Larson and most importantly I thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

Break family curses at the root! Discover the cause of destructive habits and addictions. Get rid of demons. Uncover hindering issues. Be healed of infirmities. No pastor, priest, or counselor has dealt with more spiritually bound people and seen them set free. This isn’t counseling. This isn’t therapy. This is intervention to get answers NOW! Your lifetime of suffering will end. Your torment will stop.

~snip

Need help right where you are? Is your house haunted? Are you unable to travel? Bob makes house calls. If you can’t get to Bob, he will get to you [emphasis added].

You better believe he will!

There are so many amazing one-liners and golden nuggets of fucking idiocy in this video that I don’t even know where to begin. You’ll just have to watch this craptastic commercial to understand what I’m talking about. The idea that there’s a commercial on TV like this in the year 2014 is just mind-boggling! By 2505, sure, but 2014?

Sometimes I feel it’s difficult to explain America to people who have never been here.


Bob Larson doing what he does best.
 

After the jump, Bob Larson’s incredible cameo appearance on Marc Wootton’s criminally unseen, bust-a-gut funny Showtime series La La Land…

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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‘Good Grief! Cancer Boy!’ Charlie Brown in nihilistic German existential cinema parody
10.08.2014
09:32 am

Topics:
Amusing
Art
Movies

Tags:
Peanuts
Charlie Brown
Apocalypse Pooh


 
You may remember a post last week on “Apocalypse Pooh,” a fantastic little pre-Internet mash-up of Apocalypse Now and Winnie The Pooh released in 1987 through underground tape-trading circles by art student Todd Graham. Though Graham is still best-known for his prototype mash-ups, I was pleased to find his fantastic little original short, “Good Grief! Cancer Boy!” a nihilistic portrayal of Charlie Brown in German (I mean, it’s more nihilistic than the original).

The disdain of his peers, the conniving sadism of Lucy, the general alienation of modern life, even in childhood—really, the material is already there. Todd Graham himself is brilliant as our tragic protagonist, and you can really feel the existential despair, you know?
 

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
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We are Narcissus: Artists create anti-selfie mirror
10.08.2014
09:16 am

Topics:
Amusing
Art

Tags:
narcissism
selfie


 
French artists Chloé Curé and Bertrand Lanthiez created a “mirror” effect with just water and speakers. It’s an interactive art project titled “We are Narcissus.” The longer a person stares into the mirror and gazes at their own reflection, the more their face gets distorted—leading the person “to question their relation to their own image.” (And making it damned near impossible to take the perfect selfie!)

I like this idea. I like its message. It works perfectly with the story of Narcissus, a vain hunter full of hubris and arrogance. Lured to a lake by Nemesis, the Greek goddess of revenge and divine retribution, Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection in the water, not realizing he was looking at himself. Unable to leave the beauty of his own reflection, Narcissus died there.

That’s hubris, baby.

So does this mean we’re all going to die if we keep taking photos of ourselves posing in front of mirrors? Surely you’ve heard the rumors that selfies contain carcinogens? Google it.

Watch the video below:

 
Via Booooooom!

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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The corpsepainted comedian: Black metal stand-up comedy
10.08.2014
07:57 am

Topics:
Amusing
Occult

Tags:
Black metal

Black Metal Corpsepaint comedy isn't funny
 
The “comedian” in corpsepaint featured in this video goes by the name Necrosexual. He’s well-known in the netherworld of heavy metal for the offbeat interviews he’s conducted with members from bands like Grim Reaper, Exodus and most recently his awesomely awkward interview with Canadian headbangers, Anvil.

During the video below, Mr. Necrosexual tries his hand at stand-up comedy by putting a black metal spin on his jokes. The result is cringeworthy. At best. Now that’s brutal.
 

 
Previously on Dangerous Minds:
‘Corpsepaint’ make-up throughout rock and roll history

Posted by Cherrybomb | Discussion
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