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Waiting for Gunmen: Wouldn’t this real life ‘Blazing Saddles’ make a great Netflix mockumentary?
01.07.2016
05:25 pm

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Current Events
Idiocracy
Kooks

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If you aren’t intensely following the developments of the Ammon Bundy-led heavily armed “peaceful protest” currently going on at the Oregon nature preserve, lemme tell ya, you are missing some Grade A comedy gold. Like how a fake “Ammon Bundy” on Twitter had hoaxed several mainstream media outlets. (The bearded cowboy derp with the big gun in Oregon is not on Twitter but apparently thought the parody account, this ersatz “Ammon Bundy” did a pretty good job of representing his “philosophy.” It’s a great detail, isn’t it?).

And now Donald Trump is weighing in, telling the New York Times editorial board:

“I think what I’d do, as president, is I would make a phone call to whoever, to the group. I’d talk to the leader. I would talk to him and I would say, ‘You gotta get out — come see me, but you gotta get out.”

It just keeps getting better and better. The latest news has a “representative” from the Trump campaign showing up with a camera crew to assist the militia group against “psychological warfare.”

I mean, what is this thing anyway? A sequel to Waiting for Guffman, with a Posse Comatose perhaps? Is it Blazing Saddles directed by Alex Jones?

Or perhaps it’s an Americanized take on Chris Morris’ darkly funny incompetent terrorist comedy Four Lions? I like that last notion the best, but as I am currently (like many of you reading this, I’m sure) binge watching Making a Murderer on Netflix, I can’t help but to hope that they are rolling video 24/7 at the protest.

Like imagine how this video, a “selfie” meant ostensibly for his wife and children, shot by self-promoting, self-aggrandizing “patriot” anti-Muslim hate crime-waiting-to-happen Jon Ritzheimer might be used in the context of a ten hour, true life Netflix mockumentary about this event. In the clip, Ritzheimer, then en route to the Oregon Mensa gathering at Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, tearfully explains how “Daddy took an oath!”
 

 
Wow! He’s the fucking best, right? I can’t get enough of this goofy human time bomb.

But another colorful figure is starting to grab some of the spotlight…

Meet LaVoy Finicum...
 

 
LaVoy Finicum! This has to be the best name for a gun-toting rural rube since something WC Fields came up with, like Elmer Prettywillie or J. Pinkerton Snoopington… LaVoy fucking Finicum! Say it aloud for the maximum comic effect.

If you google his name, you’ll see that LaVoy Finicum is a fellow rancher and supporter of Cliven Bundy, Ammon’s daffy pappy and advisor to “the negro.” Finicum is also the author of the self-published quasi-apocalyptic anti-government novel Only By Blood and Suffering. Here’s his own blurb for the book, taken from Amazon:

Tells of a family’s struggle to come together and survive in the midst of national crisis. A stirring, fast-paced novel about what matters most in the face of devastating end-times chaos. Filled with gripping action and relatable characters, readers are drawn into the heart-rending dilemmas each member of the Bonham family faces. You may even find yourself stopping to ask, “What would I do?” LaVoy Finicum is a real life Northern Arizona Rancher who loves nothing more in life than God, freedom, and family. His spine tingling storytelling conveys in graphic detail just how fragile and precious freedom truly is and leaves his readers with an increased desire to stand for freedom

LaVoy Finicum also has a website to promote himself and his novel, OneCowboysStandForFreedom.com. Since joining up with Ammon Bundy in Oregon, Finicum was tweeted, several times, to get the word out on his book.

I’m quite sure that, well, with a name like his that LaVoy Finicum is sincere about his goofy anti-government beliefs, but I also can’t help but wonder if he’s just trying to siphon off a lil’ of Ammon Bundy’s media spotlight to help himself to sell a few books?

Or maybe he’s just a complete nutjob?

Let’s let the man speak for himself. Here’s what he told an NBC reporter about how far he would go to defend his “freedom”:
 

 
LaVoy Finicum is also on Facebook, where his wall is currently filled with people calling him a fucking idiot and stuff like that.

More after the jump…

Posted by Richard Metzger | Leave a comment
Lemmy Kilmister’s memorial service to be live-streamed this Saturday
01.07.2016
02:31 pm

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This is great: For family, friends and fans not able to attend Ian Fraser “Lemmy” Kilmister’s memorial service, it will be live-streamed via Motörhead’s official YouTube page this Saturday.

SATURDAY JANUARY 9th THE WORLD CELEBRATES LEMMYOn SATURDAY JANUARY 9th, the world will come together and celebrate the…

Posted by Official Motörhead on Tuesday, January 5, 2016

 

 
via Motörhead on FB

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Fire destroys Aleister Crowley’s former home Boleskine House
12.23.2015
05:18 pm

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Current Events
Occult

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A fire has destroyed much of Boleskine House, the former home of occultist Aleister Crowley and later Led Zepplin guitarist Jimmy Page. Firefighters were called to the house situated on the banks of Loch Ness at 13:40. hours GMT today, after flames were spotted engulfing the historic building.

A member of the Scottish Fire and Rescue Services told BBC News:

“A large part of the property has already been destroyed by fire and crews are concentrating their efforts on the west wing of the building.

“Crews in breathing apparatus are using four main jets to tackle the blaze and the incident is ongoing.”

 
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Aleister Crowley bought Boleskine House in 1899—then named the Manor of Boleskine and Abertarff—as he considered the building in the ideal location for carrying out the “Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage” from the grimoire The Book of Abramelin. Crowley said the building fitted the necessary requirements for the rite to work:

...the first essential is a house in a more or less secluded situation. There should be a door opening to the north from the room of which you make your oratory. Outside this door, you construct a terrace covered with fine river sand. This ends in a ‘lodge’ where the spirits may congregate.

For Crowley, Boleskine House was a “Thelemic Kiblah,” a “Magical East” where he could do his thing. The intention of the Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage is to invoke “one’s Guardian Angel.” The rite takes six months of abstinence and celibacy to prepare for. It is claimed that during the ritual Crowley was called away on an emergency to Paris—leaving the rite unfinished and causing a strange, monstrous disruption to the loch.

...the spirits he summoned got out of hand, causing one housemaid to leave, and a workman to go mad. He also insinuates he was indirectly responsible for a local butcher accidentally severing an artery and bleeding to death. Crowley had written the names of some demons on a bill from the butcher’s shop.

Some have said these “demons” are also responsible for the Loch Ness monster.
 
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In 1970, Jimmy Page bought Boleskine House—which was then in considerable disrepair. Page was fascinated by Crowley’s ideas and had the property renovated—though he rarely stayed at the house. He sold the property in 1992.
 
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In 200, BBC Scotland produced a documentary on Boleskine House Aleister Crowley: The Other Loch Ness Monster, which traced the occult history of the property and the story of the infamous unfinished ritual that unleashed evil forces.
 

 
Via BBC

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Leave a comment
‘The Facebook Scam’: Man’s righteous rant about how Facebook thieves are posting his videos
12.16.2015
07:39 am

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If you don’t know by now, there’s been much chatter on the Internet about how Facebook is letting people rip videos from YouTube and then allowing them to upload the stolen videos directly to their page even if they don’t own the content or copyright. These videos get millions and millions of views. If you’re still not exactly sure of what I’m talking about, there’s a great video called “How Facebook is Stealing Billions of Views” that speaks at length about the whole copyright / video theft. In a nutshell, Facebook is allegedly making big money from pilfered content.

Below, is a short video of “Ethan” from h3h3productions describing the theft of his videos and just how hard it is to file a copyright grievance with Facebook and to have the videos removed from the thief’s page. Basically, you can’t.

 
via reddit

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Female lawmaker hilariously troll-proposes to limit men’s access to boner pills
12.14.2015
10:07 am

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Amusing
Current Events
Feminism

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Democratic member of the South Carolina House of Representatives, Mia McLeod, filed a bill on December 10th calling for any man seeking to obtain a prescription for Viagra, Cialis, Levitra or other such erectile dysfunction drugs, to be required to obtain a notarized affidavit from his sexual partner, undergo a cardiac stress test, and receive sexual counseling.

McLeod admits in an interview with South Carolina’s Free Times that she’s basically trolling her colleagues who have proposed restrictions on abortion:

“Those who are adamant about introducing some type of abortion bill every session, that’s really what this is about — I’m just sick of it. We’ve got much bigger fish to fry. I just decided that until they could stay out my uterus I would refuse to stay out of their bedroom.  All the things that they come up with are invasive… They’re not necessary. I just think it’s time for a little pushback on that end.”

 

Representative Mia McLeod
 
Among the “invasive” requirements in McLeod’s proposed “pushback” legislation, men would be

-required to obtain a notorized affidavit “in which at least one of the patient’s sexual partners affirms that the patient has experienced symptoms of erectile dysfunction during the 90 days preceding the affidavit’s date.”

-required to submit to a cardiac stress test.

-required to receive “extensive written notification of the dangers of such drugs, followed by a 24-hour waiting period.”

-required to attend counselling sessions that include “resources for patients to pursue celibacy as a viable lifestyle choice.”

Though it’s a brilliant ploy, McLeod admits it’s not likely to fly:

“I don’t expect a whole lot to happen with this bill other than to put them on notice.”

Put ‘em on notice, Mia!
 

 
Via: Eva Moore, Free Times

Posted by Christopher Bickel | Leave a comment
Bald Eagle attacks Donald Trump, entire world rejoices
12.10.2015
08:32 am

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Amusing
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Here’s behind-the-scenes video footage of a 27-year-old bald eagle named “Uncle Sam” hatin’ on Donald Trump. The footage comes from a TIME photoshoot shot back in August for a cover story on a billionaire asshat running for President on the GOP ticket.

I’m not quite sure, but there might be something kinda symbolic here? Do you feel me?

The world’s new hero is Uncle Sam. Good on ya, buddy.


 

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
There’s a ‘Hipster Santa’ in Portland, Oregon
12.08.2015
09:36 am

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Perhaps one of the dumbest culture-related things I’ve spotted so far this week—it’s ONLY Tuesday, tho—is the “Hipster Santa” as seen in a Portland, Oregon shopping mall. “Hipster Santa” sports stupid hipster hair, skinny black jeans, Ray-Ban eyewear, a Big Lebowski-style sweater, corresponds with a typewriter and rides a bike instead of a sleigh. The only thing that’s missing is his collection of holiday classics in vinyl. Where the fuck is Santa’s vinyl?!

Can we make this official by retiring “hipster” and “man bun” anything? It’s just not funny anymore. It hasn’t been funny in years. It’s about as “hilarious” as the official office “ugly Christmas sweater” party. Let’s mark this as the final nail in the coffin and kill the meme. Douse it in kerosene and throw the match. I demand it.

 
via The World’s Best Ever

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Armed and Stupid: Fox News viewer threatens man over his beard
12.07.2015
12:21 pm

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Current Events
Idiocracy
U.S.A.!!!

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If you’ve got a beard, you’d best tread carefully around riled-up Fox News viewers.

In one of the single dumbest news stories I’ve read in a year that’s been chock full of ‘em, Benedetto DeFrancisco, a transgender Chicago teaching assistant, was harassed and threatened at gunpoint after he was mistaken for a member of ISIS, apparently solely on account of—drumroll please—his beard.

His beard!

Late last month, William Jackson began shouting at DeFrancisco as he was taking an early morning stroll around the school before work, as he told the Windy City Media Group’s Matt Simonette:

“I literally just walk around the school, so on my second lap, he was definitely shouting [again], and it felt like it was aimed at me. It was getting louder and more aggressive. A lot of swearing. I honestly thought he was drunk. I took out my headphones and looked at him, and heard what he was saying: ‘I know what you’re doing, motherfucker. You’re scaring my wife — get out of here.’”

At this point DeFrancisco saw Jackson’s .45 caliber Ruger semi-automatic pistol and calmly walked away, calling authorities after he was safely around the corner. Police arrived on the scene soon afterwards.

DeFrancisco told Windy City:

“They were getting scared, because the ISIS attack happened in France, and getting more scared that ISIS was in Chicago. It’s clear that they had been watching me since the previous Monday — this happened on a Wednesday. I’ve been taking these walks since I’ve been working there. On my walk, I notice the same people come around. My thing to do is say hello. Unfortunately, with this man and his wife, their fear got the best of them. They could have just asked, ‘Hey, what are you doing here?’”

Mr. Jackson is due in court on Wednesday on charges of aggravated assault. He’s lucky that flagrant stupidity isn’t a crime because the judge would be obliged to throw the book at him.

Coming as no surprise to anyone, according to detectives, Jackson and his wife are avid Fox News fans! DeFrancisco’s “look”—which includes a beard—was making Mrs. Jackson nervous and so her husband decided to grab his gun and verbally assault him while waving a gun around. Cute couple.

This is kind of abject idiocy you can’t reason with. Fox News + Islamophobia + Republicans + GUNS = Modern America going completely insane. With his own experience being a vivid example of how this sort of irrational “thinking” can hurt totally innocent people, DeFrancisco believes that the Fox News fear-mongering has negative repercussions:

“[Jackson] is not the only person watching Fox News — it’s a toxin and it’s spreading fear, and this fear leads to hatred. Instead of wanting to know something about a culture or religion, they just shut it down in the most horrible or scary way.”

I’ll say it again: His beard is what set them off!

It’s too sadly moronic to contemplate, isn’t it?

Admirably Benedetto DeFrancisco is taking this unfortunate incident in his stride and although he would like a letter of apology from Mr. Jackson he doesn’t hope for him to spend any time in jail, thinking that his assailant, who was allegedly quite contrite upon his arrest, has learned a valuable lesson.

Fuck that. Make an example of this idiot. At the very least fine him an awful lot of money, so much that it hurts, AND TAKE AWAY HIS FUCKING GUN FOR GOOD.

If Fox News tries to make a martyr out of poor dumb-dumb sap William Jackson—he’s the new Kim Davis, a brave American going after an Islamic terrorist with a gun OR AT LEAST THIS IS WHAT THE FUCK HE THOUGHT HE WAS DOING, this story will crawl up its own ass in ways I can’t even anticipate. Perhaps Mike Huckabee will show up at his arraignment with a guy in a Santa Claus suit and a camera crew and the theme from Rocky playing over the PA system.

God help us all.

Via Raw Story

Posted by Richard Metzger | Leave a comment
The two most pointless people in California demand strip clubs and the McDonald’s McRib sandwich
11.25.2015
09:41 am

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Current Events
Food

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Of the 14,000+ McDonald’s franchises in the United States only 8,000 of them carry The McRib sandwich. Your chances of finding a McRib are about 55%. And that’s freaking some people out. So much so that there’s a McRib Locator on the Internet that “was created to help McRib fans locate this tasty yet elusive sandwich.”  Apparently, a shitload of folks are hankering for a slab of pig guts tossed with yoga mats, 70 additives, chemicals, fillers, and GMO ingredients all held together by glue and slathered in barbecue sauce that tastes like liquid diabetes.

When it comes to the McRib, sometimes you just gotta make a stand. Strip clubs too. Donald Trump has been strangely silent on these subjects. Not so the fine folk of Santa Clarita, California.

Santa Clarita is the third largest city in Los Angeles County so you’d figure that the city council would be up to their elbows in all kinds of important civic issues. But who is to judge what is important and what is not? This is a democracy gawdammit! So at most city council meetings there’s a period for public comment on any topic… as you will see.
 

 
In the following video two Santa Claritians (?) address the council on two pressing matters very near and dear to their hearts: strip clubs and the McRib sandwich. The first one up is a guy who looks like the love child of an overstuffed scarecrow and The Cure’s Robert Smith - a lap dancer’s equivalent of a hard day at the office. But he’s merely the opening act for the pink-haired goofball up next. You can feel the young woman’s pain as she laments that the nearest MaCrib was “seen” 350 miles north of Santa Clarita in the Bay Area. She looks like she’s about to cry over the anguish that it’s caused her poor family, not to mention the Santa Clarita “foodie community” who she claims to represent. Can’t the Mayor call up McDonald’s and DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS???

Update: Okay here’s the scoop. I hate to be the guy to blow the cover off a great prank, but according to our super secret source, the “foodie” with the Manic Panik dye-job is fledgling comedian Xanthe Pajarillo . She’s pulled off an ingenious stunt. Had us fooled. She’s definitely got a future in comedy and that future is now.  So who’s the dude? Robert Benjamin. Another comic. Brilliant guys, brilliant.
 

 
The Service Industry’s homage to the McRib “Liquid Meat (Into A Form).”

 

 

Posted by Marc Campbell | Leave a comment
Giant sculpture of naked David Cameron ‘with a pig’ to be torched tonight
11.05.2015
09:36 am

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Amusing
Animals
Current Events
Politics

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Photo by Steve Tremlett

I have to admit I kinda love this. In honor of Guy Fawkes Night, a giant paper sculpture of a naked David Cameron with a decapitated pig’s head will go up flames tonight on Lewes bonfire, in East Sussex.

Apparently #PigGate is still not over. Fuck him. The Prime Minister I mean, not that poor defenseless pig he (allegedly) molested

(Once we get footage of the burning “pig fucker,” I’ll add it to this post.)


Photo by Matty
 
via Metro

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
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