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Fireballs of FREEDUMB! Your own personal flamethrower is within reach (and completely legal!)
11:53 am



I am resigned to the likelihood that the USA will probably never even consider sane gun control laws. (Just as I’m resigned to the fact that that sentence alone will be enough to make me a GOT’DAM LIBRUL NAZI GUN GRABBER NAZI COMMIE in the eyes of some of Dangerous Minds’ illustrious Facebook commentariat.) The Aurora, CO movie theater shooting did nothing to win restrictions on clip sizes and ammo purchases. Twenty slaughtered children at Sandy Hook weren’t enough to get our government to move on revisiting the expired assault weapons ban. A demented man executing his former coworkers on live TV probably won’t be enough to initiate anything like meaningful action on background checks and mental health screenings. Obviously, nothing will ever be enough. Absurd numbers of utterly pointless deaths are the price America’s shown itself willing to pay to keep devices that exist for literally no reason other than killing not just legal, but accessible and plentiful. So fuck it, no more glockblocking for me, I’m switching teams. If we’re going to be 2nd Amendment absolutists, let’s take it all the way to the absolutes..

Fun fact:  though it rather pointedly uses the words “well regulated,” the 2nd Amendment never at any time uses the word “gun.” So PLAINLY our absolutism about the “shall not be abridged” part, to be consistent, must advocate for the legal private ownership of all conceivable arms, not just all guns. RPG launchers? No problem, let’s fuckin’ give one to James Holmes with a get-out-of-jail-free card! Suitcase nukes? The Tsarnaev brothers probably had WET DREAMS about that kind of efficiency! No joke, I’d seriously love to watch a morning commute go down in any major American city with Abrams tanks in the mix. You just know some of the pindicks who bought compensatory Hummers in the oughts only did so because fully armed tanks weren’t legally an option. Since we’ve decided we’re OK with handing the tools of mass death to our great nation’s many, many dizzyingly fucked-up crazystupids, why should our priceless freedom tolerate ANY restrictions?

Here’s a place to start: though they’re banned for military use by the U.N. Inhumane Weapons Convention, there exists no US federal law prohibiting citizen ownership of flamethrowers, and two Midwestern companies have begun manufacturing such devices for private individuals. Troy, Michigan’s Ion Productions and Cleveland, Ohio’s Xmatter both currently offer totally distinct consumer flamethrowing products—the XM42 and the Throwflame X15, respectively, because you gotta have an “X” in that shit—all the better to fulfill the differing needs of discerning Americans who need to set a whole bunch of stuff on fire without having to get very close to it.

Continues after the jump…

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Leave a comment
The Sad Truth: Nauseatingly profound illustrations of what the world is turning into

Everything that’s bleak about the modern world is wrapped-up like a perfect, little package with these illustrations by London-based artist and animator, Steve Cutts. Rampant consumerism. Shitty jobs. Environmental devastation. Disinformation. Nonsense. Billionaire psychopaths. Overcrowded cities—all present and accounted for. We’ve featured Cutts’ work here on DM before with his dark animation about the current lives of ‘80s cartoon characters.

If a picture paints a thousand words, these pieces are Molotov cocktails for the mind.



More after the jump…

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Watch the insane 1970 satire ‘Mister Freedom,’ featuring Serge Gainsbourg
09:41 am



Mister Freedom on the cover of Evergreen Review #77
Meet Mr. Freedom, a shit-kicking superhero employed by America’s largest corporation, Freedom, Inc. He hates blacks, Jews, Communists, foreigners, women, JFK, and everyone else who has been compromised by the dangerous ideology of antifreedomism. Carried through the world on a tide of blood, the hero of William Klein’s French satire beats the snot out of anyone who would thwart his right to take pleasure in indiscriminate violence. Does that sound like American foreign policy to you? Plus ça change…

You’ll recognize Donald Pleasance as Dr. Freedom, Delphine Seyrig as Marie-Madeleine, and Yves Montand as Mr. Freedom’s opposite number in France, Capitaine Formidable. Of course, my favorite member of the cast is Serge Gainsbourg, who appears in several scenes—most of them in the movie’s last third—as Mr. Drugstore, a French partisan of the cause of freedom. Gainsbourg also composed the soundtrack with the help of his arranger Michel Colombier.

Serge Gainsbourg, Delphine Seyrig and John Abbey in a still from Mister Freedom
Grove Press—the legendary American publisher of Samuel Beckett, William S. Burroughs, Henry Miller and Jean Genet—released the movie in the U.S., hoping to break into the movie business thereby. Richard Seaver, Grove’s editor in chief, devoted a page of his memoir The Tender Hour of Twilight to Mister Freedom:

The April 1970 issue of Evergreen Review had on its cover a fully clothed, futuristic male, looking for all the world like an astronaut-hockey player, complete with shoulder pads, a helmet, a Rangers jersey, gloves, and a hip-holster pistol. In his arms—one hockey glove grasping the midriff, the other the wrist—Mr. Freedom (for that’s who our hero was) held a scantily clad, sequin-spangled red-white-and-blue redhead, whose open mouth could just as easily be construed as a cry for help as a moan of ecstasy. Let the beholder decide.

The magazine cover, intriguing in itself to most, was also a prime example of Grove’s new internal synergy (a word we actually used in our discussions of Grove’s future, God help us all!). Not only did it supply grist for the Evergreen Review mill, it also served as the poster for the U.S. release of the Grove film, Mr. Freedom, a not-too-subtle satire on America as it moved out of the turbulent 1960s. A scathing attack on American foreign policy, especially its “vulgar and grotesque” involvement in Vietnam and the Strangelove notion that democracy had to be brought to the rest of the world, even at the cost of destroying it, the French-made film was written and directed by the ex-patriot (sic) William Klein. It starred John Abbey as Mr. Freedom; Delphine Seyrig (who had been propelled to cinematic stardom as the Garboesque lead in Alain Resnais’s Last Year at Marienbad) as Marie-Madeleine, organizer of the Whores-for-Freedom network; Donald Pleasence (whose voice and accent bore an uncanny resemblance to Lyndon Johnson’s) as Dr. Freedom, the mad mastermind behind the movement to save the world from anti-freedom infiltration; and Philippe Noiret as Moujik Man, Russia’s answer to Mr. Freedom.

On the surface it was a perfect vehicle for the Grove Movie Machine: irreverent, sexy, outrageous, politically pointed, a no-holds-barred attack on the establishment. Unfortunately, its script, dialogue, and direction, alas, were sufficiently amateurish to give film critics a golden opportunity to lambaste it.

I’m not sure “amateurish” is the right word. As befits a playful, cartoonish satire, the movie’s politics are a bit crude here and there, and maybe the dubbing is shit in places, but Mister Freedom is expertly made, by my lights. It’s a feast for the eyes and a gas to watch.

Thanks to Sam McPheeters and Tara Tavi for jumping me into the freedom gang.

Posted by Oliver Hall | Leave a comment
Attention, smart people: Over 100,000 have RSVP’d for tonight’s Bernie Sanders mega-event


“There are no coincidences, but sometimes the pattern is more obvious.”—Neil Innes

Attention, smart people! There is a MAJOR POLITICAL EVENT that’s happening—TODAY July 29th, 2015—across this nation that you might not have heard about for Bernie Sanders. Tonight Sanders will be speaking via the Internet to over 100,000 heavily-motivated people meeting for the first time at 3,520 Bernie-related house parties and get-togethers in bars and restaurants and union halls and church basements, etcetera, etcetera, all across the United States.

Yes, over 100,000 people have found other like-minded people in their area via this map and RSVP’d to get informed and to volunteer for Sanders’ increasingly astonishing campaign. I live in Los Angeles where there are well over 100 such gatherings. I’m married, but I would assume that a lot of smart, good-looking people would attend such events. Aren’t you even curious? Of course you are. Why not search for your zip code and see what happens?

Has there ever been a larger, more dynamic and more INSTANTANEOUS grassroots movement in American history? If there has been one, they must’ve kept it a secret. Even the Tea party movement didn’t grow nearly as fast as this. And after today’s event, what happens next?

I can’t wait to find out.

The sky’s the limit, but the goal is the White House. This can happen, people.

Bernie Sanders for President: It’s time to take it to the next level, America. He can’t do it without YOU.

Posted by Richard Metzger | Leave a comment
As SC lowers Confederate flag, sobbing supporter feels chants of ‘USA!’ were a ‘slap in the face’
06:06 pm

The wrong side of history


This morning at 10:00 AM, in a 15 minute ceremony, an honor guard under direction of South Carolina governor, Nikki Haley, permanently furled the Confederate battle flag. The flag has flown on the SC statehouse grounds since 1962, when it was hoisted, depending on who you ask, either as a celebration of the Centennial of the Civil War, or as a middle finger to Integration and the Civil Rights Movement.

Thousands of people attended the emotional, but peaceful ceremony. As the honor guard brought the flag down, an impromptu chant of “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!” broke out.

As I personally watched the spectacle, I couldn’t help but feel like it was the first time I heard that chant and fully appreciated it without irony. Immediately thereafter, another chant hilariously broke out—the chorus of Steam’s 1969 hit “Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye.”

While the majority of attendees were celebrating the removal of the Confederate flag as a symbol of power from the seat of representational government, there was a vocal minority in attendance who felt that somehow their “history was being erased” or that somehow their First Amendment rights are being chipped away.

Local Columbia news channel, WIS TV, reported on the ceremony and directly following, broadcast a remarkable chat with a sobbing Confederate flag supporter.

Brandy Burgess of North Carolina, who had driven from an entire state away to see the flag removed, delivers a marvelous Southern word salad in this interview.

“It feels like we’re going backwards. Everybody’s all about equality.”

“Everybody that was chanting ‘U.S.A.!’ and all that… it felt like they were slapping me in the face.”

“If everybody says this should be in a museum for history then why can’t we put the name of history on it?”

Bless her heart. Does anyone have a flag handy to wipe her tears?

Presented without further comment:

Via: - Columbia, South Carolina

Posted by Christopher Bickel | Leave a comment
Vexillophagy: Is it OK to eat the flag?
09:31 am



This Independence Day weekend will see families across America cracking some cold ones, lighting fireworks, and bar-b-queing outdoors. It’ll also see plenty of proud displays of the ol’ Red White and Blue.

The etiquette of flag display has changed dramatically over the past 50 years.

Activist Abbie Hoffman was famously arrested in 1968 for wearing a shirt that resembled the flag.

“I only regret that I have but one shirt to give for my country.” - Abbie Hoffman
By contrast, today no one seems to have any problem with selling or wearing adult footie pajamas emblazoned with the stars and stripes.

I got these bad boys right here.
Pretty much anything that’s mass-produceable by cheap foreign labor can be purchased with a flag on it. From dog capes, to thongs, to pillows, to door mats, to trash cans, it seems that Americans now enjoy a very relaxed standard of flag etiquette.

But one burning question remains: is it OK to eat the flag?

Specifically is it bad form to create foodstuffs in the image of Old Glory? And then eat them and presumably poop them out at a later time?

The Free-Times newspaper put the question to Mike Buss, flag expert and deputy director of Americanism at the American Legion. In Buss’ expert opinion:

We appreciate people celebrating their patriotism by putting images of the flag out for their celebrations! It’s not like they will string a rope up on that cake and run it up a flagpole.  At least, we hope no one will.

However, he adds, using an actual flag for a tablecloth or for any other function other than a flag is not something that the American Legion recommends or encourages. I suppose those door mats aren’t sanctioned either.

Here’s a gallery of flag inspired dishes, some of which look quite appetizing, if you’re into vexillophagy.




More patriotic foodstuffs after the jump…

Posted by Christopher Bickel | Leave a comment
‘God don’t like ugly’: Confederate flag parade in Georgia goes hilariously WRONG!
05:55 pm

The wrong side of history


This had me on the floor laughing and crying, not the least because of the hilarious commentary coming from behind the camera which predicts what’s to come. But what happens at the end is just too, too perfect. Thank god for smartphones or else we wouldn’t be laughing about these dipsy doodles and their instant karma.

This is less than two minutes long, watch the entire thing and know that your time will be well-rewarded.

Posted by Richard Metzger | Leave a comment
Pink Flamingos: Creator of iconic lawn ornament has passed away
10:27 am

Pop Culture


Sad news from Improbable Research: Donald Featherstone, the man behind the iconic pink flamingo lawn ornament, has died at age 79.

Don created the flamingo when he was freshly graduated from art school, and newly employed at a plastics factory. One of his first assignments was to create three-dimensional plastic lawn ornaments (up to that time, most plastic lawn ornaments were more or less flat). The flamingo was one of his earliest efforts for the factory.

Eventually he became president of the company. After Don retired, dire things were done, by his successor, to the flamingo, triggering a worldwide protest, which eventually led to a more or less happy rallying of the forces of Good, and a restoration of the plastic pink flamingo’s status. In 2011, the flamingo attained new heights, when the Disney movie Gnomeo and Juliet featured a plastic pink lawn ornament named “Featherstone”.


Featherstone’s lawn sculptures have become beloved badges of American suburban kitsch, adored ironically by probably about as many people as enjoy them sincerely. And of course, their ticky-tacky ubiquity inspired the title of John Waters’ breakthrough film Pink Flamingos, which has nothing to do with the ornaments. Waters discussed the connection in an interview with

“The reason I called it Pink Flamingos was because the movie was so outrageous that we wanted to have a very normal title that wasn’t exploitative,” Waters says. “To this day, I’m convinced that people think it’s a movie about Florida.” Waters enjoyed the plastic knickknack’s earnest air: Though his own stylish mom might have disapproved, the day-glo wading birds were, back then, a straightforward attempt at working-class neighborhood beautification. “The only people who had them had them for real, without irony,” Waters says. “My movie wrecked that.” Forty years later, the sculptures have become unlikely fixtures of a certain kind of high-end sensibility, a shorthand for tongue-in-cheek tackiness.

Featherstone is survived by his wife Nancy.


Posted by Ron Kretsch | Leave a comment
It’s safe to assume that the kid who took this lunchbox to school got beat up every day
09:17 am

They hate us for our freedom


On December 23rd, 1975, Gerald Ford signed the reasonable Metric Conversion Act into law, stating, “the truth is that our continued use of the English system of measurement was making us an island in a metric sea.”

School curriculums were altered to teach the metric system, despite the fact that converting was overwhelmingly unpopular with Americans, who were used to doing things the ‘murican way—not no pansy, pussy-ass European way.

In 1982, progressive agent of change, President Ronald Wilson Reagan officially disbanded the U.S. Metric Board—the government organization charged with “increasing the use” of the metric system in the United States. Reagan did so citing efforts to “reduce government spending,” but really it was because America, fuck yeah.

In 1976 King-Seeley Thermos Company released what has to have been the worst-selling lunchbox of all time:

The Exciting World of Metrics lunchbox!
It’s safe to assume that whatever kid was unfortunate enough to have been sent off to school with this box in tow, was beaten mercilessly within centimeters of his life.

Luckily, ‘70s lunchboxes were made out of HARD metal with a swingable handle, so at least the kid had a fighting chance!





Posted by Christopher Bickel | Leave a comment
America’s religious ‘leaders’ make fools of themselves in the ‘Reefer Madness’ of anti-gay docs

And they all think you’re a dick, Mike…

With the Supreme Court hearing arguments today on gay marriage, it seemed like the perfect time to post this extended trailer from Light Wins, a goofball anti-gay rights documentary produced by Janet Porter, who is a weekly columnist for WorldNetDaily and the author of the demurely titled book, The Criminalization of Christianity (Gee, I wonder what that’s about?). Porter is a believer in “dominion” theology, the idea that Christians are duty bound to wrest complete control from non-believers over every aspect of political life. To bring about the return of Christ, of course!

I absolutely could spend the next 45 minutes coming up with all manner of insulting epithets and nasty things to say about the fucking idiots—including GOP presidential contenders Mike Huckabee and Rand Paul—who took part in this… thing—and it might even be fun, but it would also be utterly pointless. These people discredit themselves and the American/Republican form of Christianity they practice with every second of their onscreen time. It’s wall-to-wall DUMB. They don’t need me, or anyone else, to point out how ridiculous they are.

But I will say this: If you could go back in time to the Salem witch trials and do a documentary about what happened, it would be assholes just like David Barton, Louie Gohmert and Phyllis Schlafly who would be clamoring to inflict their stupidity on your audience (luckily they can’t burn anybody at the stake in these more enlightened times.). Clearly these folks do not realize how much they BOOST the cause of gay civil rights EVERY TIME they open their mouths! Not like there’s a snowball’s chance in Hell that level of self-awareness would shut any of ‘em up, I’m just sayin’...

Phil Robertson, thinking…
Yep. If these people are what America’s version of Christianity sees as its moral leaders… in a sense, all I can say is “Hey… great!” Ten years ago, it used to be that the sight of someone like Tony Perkins on TV made me steaming mad, but the distance from the Bush administration to today seems very, very vast. Today Perkins is scarcely even shown respect on these shows, just last weekend, Bob Schieffer (who’s retiring and hilariously called it exactly like he saw it) took careful pains to make sure that the Face the Nation viewership knew that he just didn’t like this guy very much or have any respect for him. At one point Tony Perkins and his icky ilk held the power, now he and they, just look like yesterday’s bigots.

‘memba her?

Light Wins, of course, casts this matter as a fight of good against evil. In doing so, it makes itself the perfect unintentional time capsule of the moment we’re living in. No really, it sums up everything about America at this pivotal moment in our history, not just the gay civil rights and persecuted Christianist angles, but how America truly is turning into two nations. Not a Christian vs. secular nation, or merely conservative vs. liberals either. It’s something greater than that, what I like to think of as “the Great IQ stratification.” Smart people vs. dumb people. What’s really going on is becoming starkly obvious at this point, don’t you think?

The participants in Light Wins will not be seen very kindly by history and no one in it is ever going to become President, either.

Here’s the nine-minute long trailer. (If you can’t get enough, there’s also the half-hour version.)

Posted by Richard Metzger | Leave a comment
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