Every now and then, the Internet decides to gang up on a poor defenseless product on Amazon—and the results are invariably awesome and hilarious. Classics in the genre include “The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee” (2,640 comments and counting) and “Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz” (1,490 comments and counting).
I just came across another one—this time the focus is on the gastrointestinal difficulties you may experience if you decide to consume the entire contents of the “Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag.” At a mere $25, it’s a steal—you can’t afford not to.
Here’s a quick taste of the wit on display:
“During this time, the gummi bears, hereafter referred to as The Fuel, were being carefully processed in the fuel system of Space Ship Me. I can only assume that The Fuel is a highly advanced binary propellant because it is non-reactive and benign in storage and even during initial ingestion. But as with all binary propellants, when mixed with the complementary other half of the pairing, the results are highly energetic.”
I suppose, in a way this is NSFW. Visually it’s just another Amazon page. The NSFW element will be your helpless laughter as you read it.