‘Arf!’: The video variety show made for dogs

03.22.2018
10:22 am
Topics:
Animals
Media
Movies
Television
Tags:
Dogs
ARF Video for for Your Dog

I wish I could take my dog everywhere with me. Recently, I ran into a man on the street protesting our local 7-Eleven. He claimed that the popular convenience store wasn’t “pet friendly” enough; that they wouldn’t allow his dog “Snowball” inside with him while he shopped. I don’t believe Snowball was fit to be a service dog or anything. It’s just nice to have the company every so often. And I’m sure our dogs would prefer the company, too.

I’m fairly certain that my dog Bella gets lonely when I’m not around. It really sucks to look her in the eyes before I leave the house. I mean, who knows what kind of crazy shit is going on inside her brain? There exist several remedies for pet separation anxiety and, in an age where we can have basically everything we want, there’s now a cable channel called DOGTV.

The concept is pretty self-explanatory. DOGTV is a 24/7 television network made exclusively for our canine friends. Designed by animal behavioral specialists, the station’s programming supports a dog’s natural everyday patterns with its original, ASPCA-approved content of three different categories: Relaxation, Stimulation, and Exposure. Each episodical segment is 3-6 minutes long and has been color-adjusted to appeal to a dog’s unique eyesight. Common everyday scenarios such as a visit to the park or a ride through town are accompanied by a soundtrack of healing frequencies, positive affirmations, and relaxing music. The programming is even considered educational. By use of gentle, low volume exposure, unfamiliar sounds are slowly introduced to the viewer, thereby “training” him or her to grow more comfortable. DOGTV has produced over 2,000 original programs to date, including The DOGTV Hour, which is intended to be enjoyed by pets with their owners. Honestly, I enjoy the dog programming much more than I do the human programming.

DOGTV ‘Stimulation’ Sample Episode

DOGTV ‘Relaxation’ Sample Episode

While DOGTV may be the first canine-approved television channel, dog friendly programming is far from an inventive concept. Which brings me to ARF! Video For Your Dog. Back in 1985, Indianapolis-based home video distributor Kartes Video Communications released a VHS tape titled ARF! Video For Your Dog. Intended to be a television show created uniquely for pupper (and enjoyed by their humans), the variety show recreates our everyday television programming, as if it were written for a dog.

ARF! follows Rascal the family dog as he channel-surfs “WDOG-TV” while his owners are away. In just thirty-minutes, we are introduced to a variety of brief TV stereotypes, from Country Western to Old Hollywood. The cleverly-titled gameshow Boners hosted by “Lob Barker” sees a housedog from Cleveland compete with a security specialist from the US Army for a year supply of dog treats. Late-night talk show Speak Out (hosted by Johnny Barkson) examines the current frisbee controversy. There’s the exercise show Fitness with Fifi, a beauty pageant titled Miss Canine America, the WDOG Newshound Update, and Bark Along with Mitch: a video montage with various dogs just barking. My personal favorite is the cooking special Recipes to Lick Your Chops Over. Reimagining several French dishes how a dog would prepare them, host Julia Chow (you knew that was coming) pairs fine delicacies such as the Tres Pate (prepared using several animals’ livers) with a fine red wine, “Mouton Roth Hound.”

Read more about the program from its VHS insert below:

Yes! TV is going to the dogs! Now, your dog can watch his very own TV show. ARF! is the canine video everybody is barking about, with programs like Mild Kingdom, with Merlin Perkinese, Recipes To Like Your Chops Over, with Julia Chow, and the popular game show Boners, with Lob Barker… and many more!

For the first time, your dog can watch a TV show that will not only entertain him, but will speak to him in a language he can understand. ARF! will help your dog relate to his peers, help him work out his identity crisis, give him role models he’ll be proud to emulate.

ARF! is not only the perfect all-occasion girt for your dog, but a great one for your dog-loving friends. They’ll say it’s the dog-gonedest thing they’ve ever seen!

I’m pretty sure your doggo will not enjoy ARF! Video for Your Dog. Even with subtitles, it is pretty difficult to follow for a human. The video is narrated entirely by dogs barking, which in hindsight is a great concept until it starts to become strenuous right about minute three. Regardless, the ingenuity of the program is truly hilarious and a gameshow called “Boners” alone has made ARF! a treasure among VHS found footage collectors over the years. One thing is for certain, the people who made this video must have had a blast.

Watch the entire ‘ARF! Video for Your Dog’ videocassette after the following movie stills: