Bills ‘n’ Thrills and Bellyaches: ‘Bez’ of Happy Mondays is running for Parliament

03.19.2014
08:38 am
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Bez
Bez and his maracas

It was reported on Monday that legendary “freaky dancer,” maracas player and alleged former ecstasy dealer Mark “Bez” Berry of the Happy Mondays and Black Grape has revealed his intention to run for Parliament in the UK general election next year.

Bez, who is currently 49 years old, told the Manchester Evening News of his plans to run as an MP in his home city of Salford, After years, if not decades, of sober study of the nation’s political problems, Bez has stated his plans to “stir things up,” redistribute wealth, end all war, and solve cancer and dementia. Frankly it sounds a lot less harmful than a lot of things I’ve heard politicians say.

I’ve been saying we need a revolution, and there’s no good shouting about it when you’re not actually doing anything. ... If you want to do something about things you’ve got to get into the corridors of power and take them on. ... If you’re voting for me, you’re voting as a protest about what’s happening in the world at the moment. ... I’m going to create a new world order and get rid of them and start again with a new, fairer system without evil being the main policy. ... One of my policies would be a permacultural society where we’ll end illness and get everybody back to an alkaline state.

Bez has a history of achievement in the political arena; in 2005 he won the UK reality show Celebrity Big Brother.

I have long believed that Bez’s role as semi-musician/mascot/dancing idiot is essentially unique in rock history, and I’d love it if he could parlay being the Linda McCartney of Happy Mondays into a slot in Parliament. Voters looking to assess Bez’s fitness for dealing with matters involving the Exchequer will be interested to learn that he’s “been made bankrupt twice” in his life, as revealed on the talk show This Morning with Martin Lewis (is his name really Martin Lewis?) last year.

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