The Serial “hipster ninja masturbator” of Seattle is on the loose!
In an effort to keep things as weird as possible in the Pacific Northwest, Seattle police say they are are trying to identify a man who has been observed masturbating outside of a home in the University District neighborhood on multiple occasions.
Night vision image of the serial “hipster ninja masturbator” currently on the loose in Seattle.
Footage of the man, who was caught on a surveillance camera on the property, shows the perverted perp dressed up like a ninja, clad all in black (the night vision camera make him appear to be dressed in white), from head to foot. According to the police reports filed on the case in January, the female resident of the home reported hearing “suspicious sounds” outside her home. When she looked out to see what was going on, she saw what the Seattle PI described as a “hipster ninja masturbator” (ahem) hard at work sharpening his pencil right outside her front door.
So far the creepy night vision images of the chronic trespassing masturbator have not led police to a suspect, but I’m sure it will only be a matter of time before this slippery ninja meat-beater gets identified. How hard can it be to locate a guy dressed like a hipster version of a ninja in Seattle you wonder? Apparently it’s quite difficult as the report also says that the depraved ninja has likely pleasured himself at least four times at the same address since November of last year.
Previously on Dangerous Minds:
Nietzsche and Masturbation: Über-clench of the Übermensch