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Bible prophet: ‘Danny DeVito is the Antichrist’
10.29.2014
09:29 am

Topics:
Belief
Kooks

Tags:
William Tapley
Danny DeVito


 
HE’S BACK!

Yep, William “the Tap” Tapley, Bible “co-prophet of the Endtimes” and “Third Eagle of the Apocalypse” has returned. Tapley posted a new video over the weekend where he carefully dissects the “symbolism” of the new One Direction video that he claims is an Illuminati-inspired prophecy of the last days of the Catholic Church.

What else?

Danny DeVito happens to be in the “Steal My Girl” video and now Tapley seems to think the diminutive funnyman (and director of the cinematic MASTERPIECE Death to Smoochy, I don’t care what anyone says) is the Antichrist.

Makes sense if you’re William Tapley, I suppose. The man sees messages everywhere, doesn’t he?

So do his YouTube subscribers!
 

 
Here are a few more that I enjoyed.
 

 
The One Direction video for “Steal My Girl”:

 
Tapley’s “decoding” of the “symbolism” in the “Steal My Girl” video:

 
Via Christian Nightmares

Posted by Richard Metzger | Discussion
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‘Charles Bukowski, Jeff Spicoli & Lester Bangs on PCP’: Origins of ‘The Derek Tape’ revealed!


 

“Hey, did you get the boot off?”

“Dude, mission accomplished! Gnarly.”


Greetings exchanged, so begins “The Derek Tape,” a fascinating phone conversation between a very relaxed record store clerk (Kurt) and a full-time hesher (Derek) in Los Angeles circa 1992. If it sounds familiar, you’ve likely heard it before. Derek does most of the talking (there’s a good reason it’s not called “The Kurt Tape”), much of which concerns Derek’s reasons for wanting to put his neighbor, Terry, in the hospital, and his intention to do just that. Once the conversation turns to metal lore, though, and Derek’s enthusiasm kicks into high gear, it is hard not to get carried away with him as he talks about the important things in life: the occult significance of Morbid Angel guitarist Trey Azagthoth’s name; the distinction between “tripping” and “flipping” on acid; the relative merits of guitarists Robin Trower, David Gilmour, Jimmy Page, and Ritchie Blackmore; and the comparative belief systems of Deicide, Mercyful Fate, Morbid Angel and the Grateful Dead. If only going to the theater could be more like listening to this.

Once jealously guarded and traded among initiates, the tape has taken on a life of its own on the internet. Recently, it’s even been serialized and animated, as you can see at the bottom of this post. I had an inkling that my friend Sean Kelly—whose great old band, Tight Bro’s From Way Back When, was named after a memorable phrase of Derek’s—might be able to give me a clue to the origins of this tape. As it turns out, Sean knows more about the origins of the recording than anyone on Earth, other than Derek and Kurt themselves.
 

Bassist Sean Kelly, second from left

When did you first hear this tape? How did you get a copy?

I moved to LA in the early 90s chasing the obligatory teenage rock stardom dream and ended up playing in a band with a bunch of misfit weirdo drug casualties, one of whom was the now legendary “Kurt” (his name really IS Kurt, but he’s become so mythical to me at this point that quotation marks seem necessary). Shortly thereafter, and after one too many life-threateningly self-destructive episodes, I found myself transplanted to San Francisco, but still remained in contact with Kurt. On one very fateful occasion he came up from LA for a visit and happened to bring along a rare gem that will henceforth and forever be known as “The Derek Tape.”

Kurt was a great collector of the funny and absurd—weird underground art, obscure music, prank call tapes, etc.—but I don’t think he realized how special the gift he created actually was. He just offhandedly gave me the tape and said “Oh hey, I recorded this—you should listen to it sometime—it’s pretty funny.” I don’t recall how long it took me to sit down and listen to it, but suffice to say, and using Derek parlance, “I was blown away just like everyone in the whole fuckin’ place was blown away.” I promptly proceeded to play it for the friends of mine who I thought would appreciate it and only one, really, my comrade Jason Traeger, realized the brilliance of it; most people that heard it were repulsed by what at first aural glance was the insane violent rant of a lunatic, and missed the mostly unintended, but genuine genius of this epic, absurd, comic, tragedy.

I don’t remember anyone but Jason and I listening to it in SF—it was very much our own private little thing that we obsessed over—but we DID make copies of the tape and gave it to the many bands that used to crash on our floors with a “Here’s a little something for you to listen to in the van on the rest of your tour,” and no explanation other than that. I’ve oftentimes been bewildered by how many people know about this thing (I certainly thought I had been keeping it in the family), but I suppose that’s how it got disseminated—the Johnny Appleseed-ism of touring punk bands! In fact, two of my oldest and best friends, Jon Quittner and David Wilcox, who along with Jason and I are equal custodians of the tape (I’d go as far as to call us scholars at this point—ha!), met each other and forged our friendships from different parts of the country over our mutual and rabid appreciation of the tape. I suppose on a smaller level my former band’s name, which is from a line in the tape, helped spread it around too. Kurt, as far as I can tell, had nothing to do with it getting spread around other than happening to put it my filthy mitts almost 25 years ago.
 

 
What else can you tell me about the scenario? They’re talking about the LA area.

Kurt used to work in a record store somewhere in LA (can’t remember where or which one but I’m sure it’s gone now) and Derek was a frequent customer, obviously, obsessed with death, black, and Satanic metal. Kurt was a collector of the weird and absurd and realized how amazing this guy’s obsession was with the genre. He hatched a plan to get him on the phone to talk about his favorite bands and record the conversation clandestinely to add to his collection of oddities. He had no idea that he was going to get the epic tale that ended up unfolding. You can even hear him on the tape periodically trying to get Derek back on the subject of music, not being fully aware of the magically maniacal saga that that was being hurled at him on the other end of the phone. That all being said, I never got the impression, despite the questionable ethics of recording someone without their knowledge, that Kurt was taking advantage of Derek or trying to make fun of him—I think he was genuinely fascinated by Derek’s passion and certainly never intended for it to become what it has—that appears to be entirely my fault! I’ve actually been in the room where it was recorded. Kurt was living there before I moved to SF. It’s in an apartment complex near Franklin and Cahuenga—I never drive by it without thinking that it all happened there!
 

 
Can you shed any light on these two characters?

Well, as far as Derek goes, I only know as much about him as anyone who’s listened to the recording does! Total and utter enigma. Kurt told me very little about Derek, mostly because I haven’t seen him since the day he gave me the tape and I never got the chance to follow up! As far as Kurt goes, I can tell you he was a really cool, sweet guy—very talented guitar player too—who wasn’t nearly as much of a ding-dong as he appears to be on the tape. I’m pretty sure that his conversational demeanor was dictated by a combination of him consciously being a foil to Derek’s madness, and almost certainly being profoundly and epically stoned at the time of the call!
 

 
What makes this thing so fascinating?

Oh man, where do I begin? I feel like this tape could be the source of a university-level psychology, sociology, or Underground Art of the American 20th century class! I could write a fucking dissertation at this point—ha!!

To begin with, it’s an absolutely amazing voyeuristic—and maddeningly finite—slice of the life of a completely unknown, quasi-brilliant American underground character, who basically lets us in on the epic saga of his insane life and all of his passions in a mere 45 minutes. While I stated above that I know nothing about Derek, which is strictly factual, I actually feel like I know EVERYTHING about him through his willingness to reveal so much in this conversation. Hearing this for me was like discovering an unknown mean streets of Los Angeles anti-hero who is the combination of Charles Bukowski, Jeff Spicoli, and Lester Bangs on a heavy dose of PCP. A true folk art discovery in my book. His use—or, more accurately perhaps, abuse—of the English language is extraordinary too. He absolutely creates his own lexicon through the sheer passion for what he’s expressing. I can’t even begin to tell you how many Derek-isms are part of my everyday conversation.

Most people default to the brilliance of this tape being his monologues on the ultimate truths about his favorite Satanic bands and the greatest guitar performances he’s witnessed, which are undeniably and endearingly hilarious, but I think what ultimately makes this recording so fascinating and enduring is the real life tragedy, pain, and suffering of a person struggling to get by in an unforgiving environment on display here, who in the end finds reprieve in his obsessive passion for the music he loves, and thank all the evil gods of the Necronomicon, he just happens to be an unintentional comic genius while delivering this LSD-fueled slice of profane pulp non-fiction!

While this is clearly Derek’s tour de force, it’s also undeniable how perfect a foil Kurt is for the proceedings. His peaceful, stoned counterpoint to Derek’s rabid verbal violence keeps everything in order and, most significantly, probably saved the life of the severely maligned and lazy Terry! Ha!
 

Anton LaVey and King Diamond: “tight bros from way back when”

If they’re still among us, what do you think Derek and Kurt are doing today?

Derek, again, I know absolutely nothing about, which to me makes his enigma so fascinating. It’s like he only existed on the planet for these 45 minutes and that’s all there ever was to him. For a long time I thought I wanted the back story, but now, no way. I love not knowing what he looked like, how old he is, what happened in Oklahoma City, or how he got his head wound! I would say it’s safe to assume, based only on the 45 minutes of his life that I’m aware of, that unless Derek had some sort of serious spiritual epiphany, things most likely didn’t end up too well for him. But then again, who the fuck knows!

About eight years ago I was working at Sub Pop in Seattle and, completely randomly, I heard Derek coming through the speakers of a co-worker’s computer. I was thoroughly and utterly stunned—there was no way I was aware of that could be happening—I certainly hadn’t given him the tape or even talked to anybody at SP about it, ever. Turns out WFMU in New York had gotten ahold of the tape and was streaming the death metal parts of the conversation on its website, and my buddy was listening to it online. That was the first instance I realized that it had sprouted up out of the underground, and almost simultaneously, people started contacting me inquiring about releasing it, as the word had got out that someone in Tight Bro’s From Way Back When had something to do with it and tracked me down.

Now, I’ve always felt VERY protective of the recording—it’s like a family heirloom to my friends and me—and I never intended to, and still have not attempted to, exploit it, but at the time it seemed inevitable that it was going to happen. So through the wonders of the internet, I actually tracked down Kurt after what would have been about thirteen years since the last time I had seen him, to let him know what was happening. He was living in SF at the time and doing well (walking dogs for a living, if I remember correctly) and totally blown away, to say the least, to hear from me and also to hear this very unexpected news about the tape. He was very interested in capitalizing on it, and we had a few conversations on how that might be possible and then we promptly fell out of contact again—haven’t heard from him since.

He did reveal one gem to me, though. Apparently he recorded another short conversation with Derek that the world has yet to hear, in which Derek muses on what he would say to God regarding his life if he encountered him in the afterlife:

“Well, that sucked!”

Below, the first episode of Found Magazine’s cartoon version of “The Derek Tape”:

 
And for purists like me, the original audio recording:

 

Posted by Oliver Hall | Discussion
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This photographer went to a Biblical theme park in Florida, so you don’t have to


Going through the metal detectors… just like Jesus used to to do
 
Photographer Daniel Cronin traveled far from his secular home of Portland, Oregon to the ancient and sacred land of Orlando, Florida to visit The Holy Land Experience, a Biblical theme park owned and operated by the Trinity Broadcasting Network (the station now run by that half-assed, pink haired Tammy Faye knock-off, Jan Crouch). It’s is about as chintzy as you’d expect—lots of suspiciously Nordic-looking Jesi, a disorienting sense of anachronism with costumed employees running the snack stands and metal detectors, the gory crucifixion reenactment, a slightly Rococo color palette—the works, really.

As with all televangelist ventures, The Holy Land Experience (which is legally a non-profit) has been mired in controversy. Founded by Marvin Rosenthal (who was born Jewish before his conversion, if you hadn’t guessed), the park attracted the ire of the Jewish Defense League who protested its opening believing it to be a ploy to convert Jews to Christianity. Of course it wouldn’t be Christian edutainment without some alleged misappropriation of funds—the HLE manages to avoid paying property taxes (amounting to $300,000 a year) by reclassifying itself as a “museum,” as opposed to, you know, a theme park. Also, HLE Director and CEO Jan Crouch has been accused (by her own granddaughter, no less) of ripping off both the Trinity Broadcasting Network and the park. For two years during The Holy Land Experience’s construction, her two pampered pooches (both Maltese, a toy breed) got their own luxury hotel room adjoining her own.

You know… just like Jesus’s pups!
 

 

 

 
More after the jump…

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
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TV Exorcist Bob Larson is making house calls!
10.08.2014
01:06 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Belief
Idiocracy
Kooks

Tags:
Bob Larson
Exorcism


 
Is TV evangelist and exorcist extraordinaire Bob Larson so down on his luck that he’s resorted to making house calls? Or is there a sudden and overwhelming demand of late for bogus exorcisms from callous grifters preying on the old and ignorant? I don’t know, but if you watch Larson’s TV commercial for his new house call business, you’d think pretty much the entire population is in desperate need of Larson’s soft touch to rid themselves of demons or other common household spiritual entities. The commercial is so ridiculous and comical it almost comes off as a Tim and Eric sketch or a commercial parody from Idiocracy.

As one woman named Rachel claims in the video, “...he already saw the demon within me before it was revealed I had Jezebel. Bob Larson’s amazing ability that he’s gifted with… I thank Bob Larson and most importantly I thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

Break family curses at the root! Discover the cause of destructive habits and addictions. Get rid of demons. Uncover hindering issues. Be healed of infirmities. No pastor, priest, or counselor has dealt with more spiritually bound people and seen them set free. This isn’t counseling. This isn’t therapy. This is intervention to get answers NOW! Your lifetime of suffering will end. Your torment will stop.

~snip

Need help right where you are? Is your house haunted? Are you unable to travel? Bob makes house calls. If you can’t get to Bob, he will get to you [emphasis added].

You better believe he will!

There are so many amazing one-liners and golden nuggets of fucking idiocy in this video that I don’t even know where to begin. You’ll just have to watch this craptastic commercial to understand what I’m talking about. The idea that there’s a commercial on TV like this in the year 2014 is just mind-boggling! By 2505, sure, but 2014?

Sometimes I feel it’s difficult to explain America to people who have never been here.


Bob Larson doing what he does best.
 

After the jump, Bob Larson’s incredible cameo appearance on Marc Wootton’s criminally unseen, bust-a-gut funny Showtime series La La Land…

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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Sacrilicious! Our Barbie of Guadalupe meets Crucified Ken


 
The only two English words on the Facebook About page for Argentine art duo Pool & Marianela are “Lowbrow art.” Their portfolio is loaded with exquisitely detourned children’s toys, mostly Barbie and Ken dolls refashioned into Catholic icons. If you just rolled your eyes, I totally get why, but take a look at this stuff—this is no mad-at-daddy art student hack job. All the details in the garments and packaging are thoroughly considered and painstakingly well executed.
 

 

 
Unsurprisingly, the duo has sparked controversy in heavily Catholic Latin America. The works will be exhibited in Buenos Aires, starting on October 11, in a show called “Barbie, The Plastic Religion.” The pair are clearly quite keen to agitate—they’re also known for making inflatable punching bags of Argentine public figures.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Lastly, check out their St. George slaying a My Little Pony. I actually laughed aloud a little bit.
 

 
Via Latino Rebels

Previously on Dangerous Minds
Barbie doll created with average US woman’s measurements is repulsive hag
Skinhead Darby and Mohawk Ben:’ Hilariously ‘insider’ punk Barbie doll Parody from 1982

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Discussion
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HELL-O: List of banned band names from Christian radio station
09.23.2014
08:11 am

Topics:
Amusing
Belief
Music

Tags:
SATAN
band names


 
Click here to read larger version.

I’m pretty damned certain I’ve seen this “banned bands” list before on a Tumblr or something a few years ago. Anyway, WFMU posted the list on their Twitter yesterday and it made me giggle like a little kid. The list is from Seton Hall University’s heavy metal radio station WSOU and it’s kinda hilarious.

According to this notice any mention of the “Devil, Satan, God, Jesus or any other Catholic references that are portrayed in a negative light should not be discussed on air.”

Bands like Adolf Satan, Jesus Eater, Cannibal Corpse, Alabama Thunderpussy, Smother Theresa, Mighty Sphincter, Bongzilla and my personal favorite… HELL-O.

And if you say any of these bands names or play them on air, “YOU WILL BE SUSPENDED!”

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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Something to offend everyone: New Iraqi comedy show has Devil and a Jew giving birth to ISIS
09.15.2014
12:10 pm

Topics:
Belief
Television

Tags:
satire
The Superstitious State

Devilisis.jpg
 
A promo for a new Iraqi satirical TV comedy shows the Devil (in red onesie with pointy a tail) and a Jewish woman (that would be her sporting the tiara and the overlarge Star of David) coming together to spawn an egg from which hatches looney tunes ISIS party leader, Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi, mockingly referred to as the “ISIS-ling.”

The promo for the new series The Superstitious State was posted online by the Middle East Media Research Institute (MEMRI), which described the video as having been broadcast on Al-Iraqiyya TV on September 9th and several more times since.

The title is a play on the words “khilafa” (“caliphate”) and “khirafa” (“superstition”). There are also characters based on Dracula, The Joker, a root’em toot’em Yankee cowboy, one who is apparently supposed to be Joseph Stalin and one based on Sheikha Mozah, the fashion plate wife of the former Emir of Qatar.
 
devilisis2.jpg
 
Before we assume too much about the aims of this satire, it’s worth noting that Arab news channels are spreading the conspiracy theory that claims ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is a Jewish Mossad agent known as Simon Elliot, which might be what they’re getting at: Of course it can all be blamed on the Jews (and John McCain!) Via Shalom Life:

Last week, former Cuban dictator Fidel Castro penned an editorial published in the country’s primary media outlet, claiming that Mossad, Israel’s central intelligence agency, and American senator John McCain conspired together to create the Islamic State.

A Dutch minister, Yasmina Haifi, was also suspended after tweeting that the “Zionists” created ISIS, echoing the sentiments of Al-Hayat Al-Jadida, the Palestinian Authority’s official publication, which basically argued the same notion.

Mohseen Rezaee, a former Iranian military commander, following in line with Castro’s comments, also blamed the birth of ISIS on Mossad, saying that the Zionists are trying to eliminate Islam by making Muslims kill one another. Iraqi Ayatollah Sayed Mortada Al-Qazwini claimed that ISIS is “a Jewish Israeli organization, established to tear apart the land of Muslims.”

“What’s the point?” I hear you ask.. well, who knows? It seems all will be revealed in later episodes. But in answer to any questions over whether this satirical show will have any influence one way or the other, we should recall what the great Peter Cook once said about “those wonderful Berlin cabarets… which did so much to stop the rise of Hitler and prevent the outbreak of the Second World War.”
 

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
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‘God Likes Big Buts’: Louisiana church pays homage to Sir Mix-a-Lot
09.11.2014
11:33 am

Topics:
Belief
Music

Tags:
Sir Mix-A-Lot


 
Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” has got to be one of the most irresistible songs ever written—there seems to be no end to the adoration and mirth it can elicit. Its fans include the Journey Church of Pineville, Louisiana, which recently uploaded a video adapting the funny and sexy “Baby Got Back” to a Christian context, calling it “God Loves Big Buts”—because God is all about embracing contradiction, yo.
 

 
The clip is in that “words moving around” style pioneered by the video for Cee-Lo Green’s “Fuck You.” Making Christian propaganda out of “Baby Got Back” isn’t exactly a new phenomenon. Four years ago DM brought you “Baby Got Book,” which replaced the concept of a lady’s huge posterior with The Greatest Story Ever Told.
 

 
via William Caxton Fan Club

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
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Even the Westboro Baptist Church wants the new iPhone, despite picketing Steve Jobs funeral
09.11.2014
08:07 am

Topics:
Belief
Science/Tech

Tags:
Westboro Baptist Church
Apple


 
I tend to avoid writing anything about the Westboro Baptist Church, simply because they’re just not that funny anymore. The futile comedy of right-wing fringe always eventually wears thin, as hateful (yet largely impotent) antics eventually become repetitive and predictable. Sarah Palin said something vicious, yet totally ignorant? Of course she did. Glenn Beck deluded himself into another xenophobic conspiracy theory? Wow. Really?

Since the ole’ WBC has protested the funerals of everyone from dead marines to Matthew Shepard to Ronnie James Dio, it’s hard to imagine a context where they won’t rally, brandishing their trademark “God Hates Fags” signage in a grotesque, redundant performance. It’s ugly, but it’s a cliché, and an increasingly dull one.

However, recently the Westboro Baptist Church took a visit to New York City, and I’ll-be-damned-to-gay-hell if the kooks didn’t surprise me! The lovely folks at Animal New York reached out to them as they picketed…I dunno, cronuts or something, only to learn that the parishioners are avid Apple fans! (Perhaps they sensed the disinterest of famously unflappable New Yorkers—we often see weirder shit than the WBC in the freaking Financial District.) Cult leader Steve Drain, emailed Animal this ringing endorsement:
 

The iPhone 6 will allow us to preach to this sinful nation more effectively than the 5s! Bigger screen to see our signs more clearly—like ‘Repent or Perish’ or ‘Fag Marriage Dooms Nations’! More people will mock our using of the phone, citing (incorrectly) a hypocrisy in using a device designed and marketed by a man whose funeral we picketed for his idolatry, then atheism, and adultery (Steve Jobs). Which device do you think our ‘Why Did God Destroy Sodom?’ will display best on? iPhone6, Galaxy 5, or HTC? I bet the preaching will be effective, by God’s hand, as viewed in all of them—don’t you think?

 
Yeah, you read that right, but Grindr looks better on the new iPhone, too. Instead of picketing the Chelsea Apple Store with signs that say “iPhone 666,” or “Fag iPhone Enabler,” the Westboro Baptist Church has decided their use of this chic new tech will spread their unholy message—and they’ve come to this conclusion despite having protested Steve Jobs’ funeral in 2011. Incidentally, they announced their plans to do so over Twitter… on their iPhones. I know very few of us can presently escape the clutches of global capitalism and all, but isn’t there some biblical reference to a bad tree being unable to bear good fruit?

Then again, the Westboro Baptist Church has never been very big on fruits…
 

 ;
Via Animal New York

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
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Family Affair: Listen to nine-year-old Sly Stone sing gospel with his family & future bandmates
09.02.2014
09:14 am

Topics:
Belief
Music

Tags:
gospel
Sly Stone


 
Rarely does the phrase “children’s Christian rock” evoke anything more positive than a shudder, but Pentecostals often eschew the corniness pervasive to most modern religious music. Pentecostal gospel is the very stuff of rock ‘n’ roll, (hell, one of the churches my grandparents took me to had a Hammond B3 with a Leslie). It’s the sort of musical heritage that you can hear in the very bones of an artist like Sly Stone, whose religious family was encouraged by the church to worship in song.

In 1952, a family gospel group called The Stewart Four did a small, local release of their own 78, featuring “Walking in Jesus’ Name” (below), and “On the Battlefield,” which you can hear on Spotify. The group was made up of siblings Freddie Stewart (age 5), Rose Stewart (age 7), Vaetta (later “Vet”) Stewart (age 2) with little Sylvester Stewart, as always, leading them. (If you’re wondering how a two-year old could contribute to a band, I’ll mention that it’s not uncommon during Pentecostal services to just throw a baby onstage to dance or clap, especially during family performances.) Anyway, this is the family of the Family Stone, performing gospel—beautifully, I might add—as very young children. Sly is nine years old here, and it’s absolutely sublime.
 

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
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