American-style (Republican) Christianity
Stupid or Evil?
low IQ buffoonery
Sean Hannity: Do you think everybody goes to Heaven?
Colton Burpo: Um…. No. Not everybody does go to Heaven.
Sean Hannity: How do you know?
Colton Burpo, the little boy who had an NDE on an operating table a few years back and claimed to have been to Heaven, has had his experiences “there” recounted in several Heaven is for Real books that have sold like hotcakes to people desperate to believe they will live forever in the Kingdom of Heaven, eternally youthful, kickin’ it with their homeboy Jesus C. and all the dead people they ever knew.
Watch this clip of Colton promoting his parents’ books (his dad is a minister and radio broadcaster, natch) and a major Hollywood film about to come out based on this fiction. From where I’m sitting it seems rather obvious that this kid is lying through his teeth and Sean Hannity is just too stupid not to uncritically believe every word of it.
This is truly remarkable, Marjoe Gortner-level hoodoo nonsense. Even by the admittedly sad standards of Fox News, this is riveting in its abject stupidity…
Colton Burpo: Heaven is… such an amazing place and… and you just want to be there for a long time. I mean, I didn’t wanna come back.
Sean Hannity: What’s the difference… in other words, what did you see? What did you feel? Who did you meet?
Colton Burpo: Well, I saw a lot of stuff… In Heaven there are a lot of colors, but there’s even more than we have down here on Earth. Also I got to meet my great grandpa and my sister who was miscarriaged and… it just feels like home.
Hannity: And she came up to you? Are you there physically or spiritually?
Colton Burpo: You are there physically. You do have your own body.
Hannity: You were there in your body?
Colton Burpo: Well, not my earthly body, they were working on my earthly body.
Hannity: It’s the same? You look the same, relatively speaking?
Colton Burpo: Relatively speaking. If you die an old man or an old woman, you’ll be in your prime, like your late 20s, early 30s.
Hannity: And you say that you met Jesus Christ and God. (Colton nods) Can you describe God and Jesus Christ?
Colton Burpo: Well, Jesus was more like the humanoid version. He’s the one you can relate to because he… loves you so much and he’s actually your size, so you can like walk with him and talk with him.
Hannity: And you talked with him?
Colton Burpo: Yes.
Hannity: And he talked to you?
Colton Burpo: Yes.
Hannity: What did he say?
Colton Burpo: Well, I can’t remember what all it was that we talked about because some of it he even taught me! God has not allowed me to remember what Jesus has taught me.
Hannity: You saw God?
It just gets worse—and even more painfully funny—from there…
You can easily see why Hannity’s audience would eat this shit up, because it sounds exactly like something they already believe. Of course every mean old Archie Bunker watching Fox News will be young again in Heaven. Forever and ever! Throw away that Viagra! No need for it in Heaven, you’ll be 30 again soon, dude…
This is why there needs to a separation between church and state: America is a country full to the bursting point with idiots.