Oh God: Christian goofballs lost at sea for 91 days want to sail to remote Pacific island AGAIN
09.17.2013
11:47 am

Topics:
Belief
Idiocracy
Kooks

Tags:
crazy Christians


Why is this man smiling…?

Remember the Gastonguay family from Arizona, those kwazy Christians who decided to leave godforsaken, heathen America behind for the tiny Pacific island nation of Kiribati and just like Biblical characters travel there by boat?

Citing immigration reform, abortion, “Christian persecution,” homosexuality and “the state-controlled church” for the reasons behind their, er, “exodus,” the Gastonguays’ hare-brained journey from evil hit a snag when they were left adrift for nearly three months before some Venezuelan fishermen took them to a Japanese cargo ship that dropped them off in Chile, where the US consulate arranged flights back home for them.

The Gastonguays picked Kiribati because they believed that it was “one of the least developed countries in the world” and set out in May from San Diego, despite having almost no sailing experience and NO IDEA of how to navigate to this tiny island in the Pacific Ocean. Aboard for their quixotic (and treacherous) journey were their two young daughters—one is three, the other just eight-months-old—and Sean Gastonguay’s father.

Hannah Gastonguay told the Associated Press, they “decided to take a leap of faith and see where God led us.”

They were adrift for 91 days!

But the Lord delivered, right? Of course he fucking did—in the form of the helicopter that just happened to spot them right before their food ran out (they were down to some honey!) Praise Jesus! It’s a miracle!

And now these witless knuckleheads are going to try to do it again. If child welfare authorities are concerned enough about the neo-Nazi couple from NJ who (merely) named their kid after Hitler to yank young Adolph from their home, those white trash goose-steppers seem HARMLESS in comparison to these Christian ding-dongs who’d sail from San Diego to oh, somewhere between Hawaii and Australia with two toddlers in tow, just barely cheat death and then decide to do it all over again!!!

On Monday, Sean Gastonguay appeared on TruNews with Rick Wiles (you think Alex Jones is insane, check TruNews out some day when you’re bored!) to talk about his plans to leave again with his wife and kids. Gastonguay and his wife have the right to kill themselves with these dumbass plans but their kids shouldn’t have to risk losing their lives AGAIN for their parents’ idiocy.
 

 
Via RightWing Watch

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Foolish NYC MTA retiree spends $140k on subway doomsday message


 
I sincerely hope there is a video camera trained on Robert Fitzpatrick’s fool face when he wakes up alive—and broke—next Sunday morning. From The New York Daily News:

Robert Fitzpatrick is so convinced the end is near he’s betting his life savings on it.

The retired MTA employee has pumped $140,000 into a NYC Transit ad campaign to warn everyone the world will end next Saturday.

“Global Earthquake! The Greatest Ever - Judgment Day: May 21,” the ad declares above a placid picture of night over Jerusalem with a clock that’s about to strike midnight.

“I’m trying to warn people about what’s coming,” the 60-year-old Staten Island resident said. “People who have an understanding [of end times] have an obligation to warn everyone.”

His doomsday warning has appeared on 1,000 placards on subway cars, at a cost of $90,000, and at bus shelters around the city, for $50,000 more. Fitzpatrick’s millenial mania began after he retired in 2006 and began listening to California evangelist Harold Camping’s “end of days” predictions.

Using head-spinning numerological calculations, Camping has determined that the world will end on Saturday, May 21. He’s used similar biblical math to pinpoint when Abraham was circumcised (2068 B.C.) and when earth was created (11,083 B.C.).

Camping has predicted the end of world once before - on Sept. 6, 1994. When the sun rose on Sept. 7, Camping admitted he might have had that one wrong.

Still, Fitzpatrick remains convinced the beginning of the end is coming next week.

“It’ll start just before midnight, Jerusalem time: It’ll be instantaneous and global,” he said. “There are too many scriptures talking about ‘sudden destruction.’”

While Jesus Christ returns to Earth and all non-believers burn in eternal hellfire, Fitzpatrick says he and all those in the know will be saved in the rapture.

Yeah, well… let’s see who’s laughing come Sunday when Robert realizes that he gave his retirement money back to the place he worked for his entire life! I hope he still thinks this was money well spent, but I sorta doubt it…

“My sister doesn’t believe it,” Fitzpatrick admits. “I’ve tried to tell her. But that’s pretty much the story with most people.”

That should have been your first fucking clue, Robert.

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
The Supernatural Evil Spell of Homosexuality

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Christian talkshow It’s Supernatural! welcomes guest, Michael Brown, author of A Queer Thing Happened to America.

“No major publisher, secular or EVEN CHRISTIAN, was willing to publish it!”

Few watching this will wonder why!

“Is this the course that nations take just before their final destruction?” asks Sid Roth, the host of this idiotic pukefest.

Good question, Sidney! The answer is YES, but not for the reasons you think it is, pal…
 

 
Via On Knees for Jesus

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Christians pray for Obama to convert to Christianity (must see)

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Crazy Christian teenagers pray for Obama (a secret Muslim, or so they heard via an ALL CAPS EMAIL, no doubt) to convert to Christianity by a laying of hands on a life-size Obama cardboard stand-up! Extraordinary! The most stunning display of superstition and ignorance I’ve seen in quite some time (not that this is any sort of accomplishment).
 

 
Via On Knees for Jesus

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion